Skyfall
by SalomeNoble
Summary: she was the kind of woman a man would die for. Meaning once i saw her, i knew i would kill any man that would try and come between us.
1. Prologue 1

**Author's Note:**

**Hey everyone! Soooo if you haven't guessed I'm going to make this painfully clear that this will be my VERY FIRST story i have EVER written :3 Ahhh I'm getting so nervous just thinking about it. but anyways, before i pass out from the fear, i would like to say that i hope that anyone who reads this story will enjoy it. I'm not writing this story for serious reasons or anything like that, i just wanted to write a Deadpool fanfic for- funsies. yeah, just funsies :3 Btw, not only am i a newbie about writing stories, but I'm also a newbie in reading comic books-so yes, Deadpool took my Marvel virginity *swoon***  
**….that was actually really awkward to type out**

**….ANYWAY,**

**with that in mind- er- just, please don't be so harsh on me if I miss something critical that has happened in the actual comics like Deadpool meeting someone that is already dead or anything like that. So, enough excuses and blabbering, on with the show! :)**

**WAIT, I forgot to mention about the two "yellow boxes" that talk to him! So I based them off the voices and personalities of the ones in the Deadpool Game:**

**[-] is the deep voiced, sort-of-mature one**

**(-) is the kid like, super immature one**

_italic _**is just his own thoughts**

**Alright, NOW we can start :3**

* * *

_"And I remember when I met him._

_It was so clear that he was the only one for me._

_We both knew right away._

_And as the years went on things got more difficult,_

_We were faced with more challenges._

_I begged him to stay,_

_Tried to remember what we had in the beginning._

_He was charismatic, magnetic, electric, and everybody knew him…..._

_He was like this hybrid, this mix of a man who couldn't contain himself._

_I always got the sense that he became torn between being a good person and missing out on all of the opportunities that life could offer a man as magnificent as him._

_And in that way, I understood him._

_And I loved him, I loved him, I loved him, I loved him._

_And I still love him, I love him"_- LDR

* * *

The first thing she noticed when she regained consciousness was….black. A blindfold covered her eyes. She tried to call out for help but instead of screaming, a chunk of cloth that was stuffed into her mouth made her choke out "MMMMMPH!"

By instinct she started to panic and thrash around, trying to wiggle out of the tight ropes that tied her hands and ankles. A sharp pain stung in her eyes and she realized tears were beginning to spill out. She tried to blink them back. Her breathing grew heavier and she softly whined in fear.

Suddenly she heard someone humming a cheerful tone. Her panic grew and she became even more scared of the disturbing sound.

"Heeeey, you're awake! Holy shit you're a heavy sleeper! You were out for like…-Well actually I wasn't keeping track-but I was soooo boOOoorred-uh! Though I guess I knocked you out pretty hard huh?" a disturbingly upbeat voice suddenly said to her. The happy tone of his voice made her cold and she wanted to cry all over again.

she could hear his heavy boots stomping across the room.

"You're right! Aww dammit, I didn't even think of sneaking a squeeze!" she heard him mumble to himself.

"MMMM!" she squealed through the gag. She tried to collect her panicked mind and remember what happened before she blacked out.

_'Okay okay! Calm down! Um…_

_ummm..oh! I think I was Aaaaat-….i was in a room. And… it was just me, Willow possibly, and him. Then I felt someone come up behind me and clamped their hand on my mouth and a sharp pinch on my neck and I blacked out'_

"Well, now that the author's done that crappy little flashback, whaddya say we move the plot along?" his happy tone continued on.

"MMM?" she squealed in bewilderment.

"I bet you're wondering why I kidnapped you" he said, ignoring the muffled noises she made. When he paused to wait for a response, she whimpered and slowly nodded in agreement.

"Well, I couldn't really help myself… y'know, after all we've been through-"

We?

"-that I have you. I'll be sending out messages to the media every day they don't cooperate; I can't fucking wait! I'll be up to my neck in cash from the ransom money!"

She could feel an arm being wrapped around her shoulder and his body was pressed up against her side. He was probably crouched down beside her.

"-have an image to maintain. What would my readers think if I were to suddenly turn into a hero? I would instantly lose my place in the Marvel top selling characters and more importantly, I wouldn't be…me" he said nonchalantly.

She tried to swallow back some salvia but with the gag completely lodged into her mouth, some drool spilled out from the side. After a few minutes of him venting about how hard it was being the best and still trying to balance the level of being ruthless yet awesome plus still trying to please his "fans", he finally became quiet.

"Thanks, it's rare to find a person who will listen, but it's even rarer that you find a woman who is willing to listen…" he said. "Well, based on the women I've met so far" he added.

'What the hell is happening!? How did I get here?!'

"Oh great, we're doing another flashback?" he said annoyed "You have got to be kidding- oh no wait this is a prologue?"


	2. introduction

I walked up the steps and entered my relatively large private trailer. I tiredly shook off my clothes and shivered from the cold. Very quickly, I took off my glasses, pulled out my hair band, and hopped into the shower. Steam started to rise onto my glass shower enclosure, warming my frozen body.

I moved clockwise so that every hot water droplet caressed my tense muscles. I finished washing up and turned off the shower and stepped out. After making some lunch and sitting down to read another chapter of _Requiem For A Dream_, I heard a knock at the door.

"Hello?" I called out.

"Hello, Miss Paisley?"

I sighed. "Willow, please don't address me as 'Miss'. I've told you, you can call me by my first name" I said with a soft smile.

"sorry Mi- I mean, Jessica" my long time assistant and best friend said.

"don't worry about it. Now, what can I do for you?" I asked while hopping up and down trying to slide my still drying legs into black leggings

"um, this might not actually be as urgent, but I was just letting you know that I've hired a new bodyguard for you"

"oh that's nice- wait what?" my soft voice turned a little confused, pausing a second to look at the door.

"Well since that last incident with the fan that turned out to be a crazed stalker, a few people and I have done some careful researching and we found a someone that can be your bodyguard."

"Bodyguard?" I squeaked. My stomach and every nerve instantly knotted up, making me anxious and nervous. I could hear Willow sigh and heard some movement outside.

"Jess, please calm down." She whispered.

I quickly put on some old worn out flats and put on my favorite shirt and a warm dark blue sweater. "But Willow this is ridiculous. I don't need protection, I can take care of myself! I've been able to till this moment so why do I need one now?"

"I know that but this man is just here to scare away the freaks that keep trying to come near you. I promise, I will be near you at all times and if you really feel uncomfortable with this-"

I headed to the door and slowly open the door just a crack, finally seeing Williow's sympathetic but serious expression.

"-then we'll find another alternative. But one where you will be happy and not just trying to make everyone else forget about this issue" she finished. I looked down, a little upset about this. "I might not be in a position to be asking you this but please," she got a little closer so she was now a few inches away from me. "Just try it out and see how it goes. You never know, this could work out and he might become another one of the few you can really trust" she urged on, smiling.

I sighed and squeezed my fist hard.

"al-alright" I said. Finally, I opened my door and let out a deep breath.

"Would you like to meet him?" Willow said, stepping to the side and letting me pass.

"I would have to eventually. Let's just get this over with" I quietly responded. Willow rubbed my arm reassuringly. I adjusted my black framed glasses and self consciously started adjusting my clothes.

"Your parents really shielded you from just about everything, didn't they?"

"Ever since I was born…Anyways," I said, smiling again "what time is it?"

"it's 1:00 " she replied. I could see that she was still worried about me, but I tried to mask my irritation about the memories of my childhood. "Jess, remember that it's okay to-"

"I know. I've told you about this more than once haven't I? I promise, if I ever need anything, I'll always let you know." I said.

She still kept that look of worry on her face.

"oh c'mon Willow, I've forgotten about it, now why can't you? I can't try to relax and be the slightest bit comfortable when I know you're tense" I told her. "Which is pretty rare of you to be" I added while showing the slightest grin.

Silence fell, and all I could hear were our feet crunching against the wet dirt road. I look around, seeing nothing but green forestry around me. Spring leaves covered the soil ground and the trees were scattered around us.

Finally, Willow sighed and started smiling again.

"Just a little FYI, this bodyguard of yours will be following you everywhere 24/7. You might wanna be aware that he is a little bit….eccentric"

"Eccentric?"

"You'll see" she said. I whimpered in slight fear of meeting my new bodyguard. My stomach started to knot up again and my legs started to ache. Again with the anxiety!

Finally, after the small hike we had to take to get to the scene, I saw a big wide open field overlooking a great pasture of green grass and mountains that were in the background. I suddenly didn't feel as scared anymore. With this beautiful scenery that I was surrounded by I felt a bit relaxed.

"Willow, remind me to come back here next time I have a day off or any spare time" I said, sighing at the warm summer air and the gentle wind that wisped through my dark coffee coloured hair. I closed my eyes and ran my fingers through my bangs, making my way to the cameras and people that were standing in the tall grass.

"Ah, Miss Paisley! We've been waiting for you!"

"Hello Mrs. Adeline, how are you?" I asked politely

"Just fine, thank you!"

"soooo, can we start rolling?"

"Yes, yes, but first, we need to get you properly dressed!"

Properly dressed? What's wrong with what I have on right now?

With the snap of her fingers, a crew of women that I knew from past music videos came up to me and showed me the way to a small trailer that was probably filled with dresses and accessories that they were going to make me wear.

Before I could make it to the trailer door, I could hear Willow saying "hey, what about meeting your new-"

"I- I can't do it right now." I quickly muttered, trying to speed walk away from her so that I could avoid the confrontation. I could hear her footsteps quickly following me.

"Weren't you the one who said-"

"Yes, I know what I said. But can't it just wait till later? I mean, is it that important for me to meet him now? I always have till later later" I said.

"but he's supposed to be with you at all times"

"-and I'll trust that you make sure he does. But right now I gotta do this video first. Please willow, pleaaassee! Let's wait till after, okay?" I said in my sweetest voice.

She could tell that I was totally avoiding this but thankfully she quickly let it go. We both walked into the trailer and I was lead into a chair where I was trying to dodge all the makeup they wanted to cake on my face. With lots of "no thanks" and the constant reminders that I already put on a little makeup before I came here, I was ready to put on the clothes they had for me.

I put on a black skin tight high waisted pencil skirt that went just above my knees and buttoned up a basic blue long sleeve dress shirt. Since it was a bit too long, I left a couple of buttons unbuttoned and tied the ends together so that it would cinch into my narrowest part of my curvy waist. With the women who were finishing up my tousled thick black hair I quickly stretched and looked at Willow.

"Is Ethan here?" I yawned.

"Yup. I think he's already been taken care of so he's just waiting for you"

"kay, I'm ready" I said. Looking at myself in the mirror one last time, I turned and saw every girl there smiling from ear to ear at me. Startled, I asked "what?"

"is there something on my face?" I started rubbing the back of my hand under my nose, trying to get rid of the thing that made them look at me in amusement.

"No, no, Miss Paisley. It's just- every time we get to work with you, you're always a pleasure to be around."

"Oh, um- well thank you; you women are always a pleasure to be around too. You guys always know what's best on my figure" I said, my cheeks flushing and trying to smile. The sudden compliment came out of nowhere and I adjusted my glasses self consciously.

Quickly trying to leave, I said goodbye and headed out to go see Ethan.


	3. Flume

**Author's Note: ::::I actually don't even know if Flume's real name is Ethan but...*shrugs* just pretend people.**

* * *

"Ethan!" I called out. Although many people knew him by the nickname he gave himself- Flume- I called him by his real name; because even though he was all grown up now, I still thought of him as the boy that always snuck around to try and talk to me even when he was threatened not to by my parents. Nevertheless, Ethan grew up to be a heartbreaker and a charmer(but not necessarily in that order). He was also my only friend. He was one of the very very few men I could be comfortable around. I've known him since high school and despite both of us growing up and moving on to pursue our different dream jobs, we've been able to stay in touch for years.

"Jess!" he cried out in pure kid like excitement. When I came up to him he easily picked me up by the waist and held me in the air. Then I was suddenly being wrapped up into his arms. With Ethan still holding onto my waist, I put my feet onto his tall legs and gently used it as a jumping board to do a quick bounce and he set me back on the ground.

"I guess we should start or….?" I asked him.

"Yeah, sure!" he said. While we were heading to the top of the hill, he asked "By the way, who's the big guy in the red and black onsie? He's got like a red mask with black blotches around his eyes"

"….

…

.What?" I said very confused. Suddenly, it hit me.

"Oooh, I think that's-"after a while of mentally debating it, I finished "my new bodyguard"

"Whoa, whoa, WHOA! That guy?!"

"Well, I didn't exactly have a say in this- I mean I did but I'm keeping this sort of promise to Willow about trying this out. Y'know, to see if I like it. And if I don't, then all I have to do is say so"

After some of the crew preparing for the opening scene and the makeup people fixing whatever they wanted to fix on us, I inched a little closer to Ethan.

"How is he?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean have you met him long enough to know what kind of guy he is?"

Ethan clicked his tongue in annoyance and finally said "he likes to talk; a little too much. Even when he is armed with samurai swords, guns and a knife, he still manages to walk around casually like he's wearing his favorite pajamas."

Trying to contain my fear, I grabbed my wrist and tried to stay calm.

"W-well, I guess we should start right? Mrs. Adeline, we're ready!"

Before Ethan could apologize for completely forgetting about her fear, the director, cameramen, and lighting crew began preparing.

"Alright, let's try and get this in one take!" Mrs. Adeline announced loud and clear. "ANNND, ACTION!" Mrs. Adeline dramatically yelled out in her authoritative and business like tone.


	4. Right guy, but wrong time

:::okay NOW Deadpool is going to be introduced lol::::

"hoooly KERR~AAAP" the 6 ft 2 man practically sang out as he watched the young girl from the back of the small crowd. "You never told me I was gunna be a bodyguard for M.I.A! Oh fuck yes, this is totally going to be the doorway to protecting more famous people. I can just see it now: being Beyonce's personal bodyguard, or Betty white , OR-….." he paused a second to make the moment more dramatic. "..Or Psy" he whispered to himself in pure excitement.

"Didn't I tell you before? Her name is Miss Paisley"

"Wait her first name is 'Miss'?"

"No, her first name is Jessica!"

"Damn, dat ass just won't quit" he mumbled to himself as he was staring hard at Jess.

"Hello! S'cuse me, but I just totally heard what you said just now!"

The man just lazily shoved his index finger towards Willow's face in a "just shut up for a second" kind of way while he was still taking in the mouth watering voluptuous curves the little singer had.

Willow could only glare and try to explain that his only job was to protect her from the crazy stalkers that always popped out of nowhere and tried to kidnap her. All he heard were the words "protect", "from stalkers", and "pervert".

"Hey, I'm not a pervert!" he protested.

"What are you talking about? Didn't you just hear what I said?"

After a long pause, he finally but reluctantly took his eyes off Jess, and looked over at Willow.

"umm…

.

.

..no." he said with an innocent blank stare.

Willow huffed out a long exaggerated sigh. "I said that you'll be with her for about a year. I need you to always be around her at all times and protect her from those damn perverts that keep popping up to-"

"To what, kidnap her? That's actually happened before?"

"…well I certainly wouldn't have hired you for nothing"

"To be honest I've actually never actually heard of her before"

"Course you haven't. She's very famous in Central America. But she started out like any other small time singer and songwriter; she posted videos of herself singing on YouTube and after a while of waiting, the opportunity finally came when she auditioned for a talent show that was hosted by Michael Brown"

"Michael Brown? You mean the most famous entrepreneur?"

"Yup. After that she took the risk of moving to America for a demo contract that was made between them and from there, she's been getting pretty famous. Although i am grateful that Michael found an interest in her, sometimes I can't help but think that the all the glamour, all the fame, all the parties and money will get to her and she'll forget who she is"

"That's not far from the truth. I've been here longer than her and i can tell you that most of the people who get famous don't exactly come out human. It's hilarious to watch them drown each other just to keep the money flowing into their bank accounts"

"-but, I know she can still retain her dignity and morals. She's always been such a sweet honest girl and I know she's more intelligent than to throw it all away"

Willow walked away, ending the conversation.

Wade couldn't help but laugh to himself.

"You say that now, but wait till the wrong person comes into her life at the wrong time"


	5. Start

Since Ethan already did his scenes, I was just finishing up my last scene. While the camera was rolling, I lip synched my last few lyrics as I walked through the beautiful forest

Sleep and sliding on the way

drift and drowning on the way

sleep and sliide

"ANND THAT'S A WRAP!"

I let out a sigh of relief and while everyone cheered and clapped, I smiled and went to go look for Willow. I finally was able to get through the crowds and almost instantly I found my assistant. She was standing in front of someone so her back was facing towards me. I ran up to her, calling her name to get her attention. I didn't know where Ethan had disappeared to but I didn't really care much as I knew that he would probably be back soon. Right now, I just wanted to sneak off with my assistant to go drive around the city.

Suddenly, when Willow turned around, a big hulking 6 foot 2 man rose from behind her and I instantly stopped dead in my tracks.

"Jess, sorry I wasn't able to greet you at the front of the crowd! Um, J- Jess?"

My eyes weren't focused on Willow anymore. They were focused on the man behind her. My eyes travelled from his chest to his jaw and before I could make eye contact with him, I instantly snapped my eyes down to Willow. My body started to break out into a cold sweat and I could feel blood start to pound into my head.

Quickly, Willow came up to me and whispered sternly "Jess, Don't be afraid. Just go up to him and say hello."


	6. Wouldn't be the first time

While Deadpool was standing there, observing the hushed conversation that was going on between the two, he could sense that there was something wrong with the browned eyed girl. Her once warm eyes had turned dull and opaque and he could see that her body was tense.

_Is she afraid of me?_

_[Wouldn't be the first time someone has been]_

_But I haven't even done anything to her_

_(So? Has that stopped anyone from flinching in fear from you?)_

Before he could make some clever comeback, she came up to him. In that rare moment where Deadpool was quiet, he watched in curiosity at what she would do next. Would she pull a fake smile or would she just not smile at all? What if she smacked him upside the head or kicked him in the nuts out of anger?

Instead of a fake smile, a glare or even a smack, a genuine and shy smile appeared on her face

"..."

"What? Repeaté por favor!"

In a polite but quiet but soft voice, she said "Hi, name's Jess. It's so great to finally meet you mister….." she offered her hand to him.

Clearing his throat and doing all this weird shit to make him look cool (like trying to make himself look taller, lowering his voice a few thousand octaves to sound like Liam Neeson and broadening his shoulders), he clasped her hand and shook it once.

"Wa- I mean, name's Deadpool"

Without questioning the odd name, she smiled brightly. With the comfortable silence that was around the two, he couldn't help but smile.


	7. What's a chimichanga?

Despite Jess being untrustworthy of any man, she had made up her mind to swallow her fear and keep her promise to Willow. Since Willow was relieved to realize Jess was willing to cooperate, she came up to the two and asked her what she wanted to do with her free time now.

"ummm…..well I did want to head back and change my clothes since it's so hot…and maybe we could head to the city for drinks" she said, her expression still relaxed and happy.

"I- I mean, if that's okay with you guys" she added quietly, looking at the both of them.

Deadpool shrugged. "Don't care" he said simply.

Willow nodded eagerly. "Sure!"

Just when they were about to set off through the woods back to her private trailer, a voice called from behind them.

"JEEESSSICCAAAA!"

The three turned and Jess walked toward him to meet him "What's up?"

"Just wanted to let you know that I gotta stick around here; have some stuff I gotta do…but if I don't see you later and you're not too busy, maybe we could go get a bite to eat sometime in, say, a few weeks?"

"Sure, just text me and we could work it out."

With a quick hug and Jess pecking him on the cheek, they said their goodbyes and headed their different ways.

When the 3 finally got to her trailer, she walked ahead and looked back at them. "Kay I'll try to be really fast so just wait a minute!"

As soon as she slammed her door closed, Willow looked at her phone and realized how close dinner time was. Deadpool was just leaning against the trailer, quietly mumbling crazy things Willow chose to ignore.

"Jess, it's nearly 5."

After hearing things be rummaged and thrown around, she popped her head outside the door.

"Sorry, I'm being so rude-do you guys want to come in? It's pretty hot outside and I wouldn't want you guys to melt". Before either of them could say anything, she was already opening the door and happily motioning them to come in.

While the two climbed up the steps and made their way inside, Jess trotted to her bedroom calling out "make yourselves at home!"

While Willow seated herself in the built in bench that was opposite to the door, Deadpool walked around, looking at the neatly organized CDS and movies that were lined against the window.

"Destiny's Child. meh, they're okay. Survivor's my favorite. The music video is definitely fap material" he put that one down and looked at the next few. "CeeLo Green (never heard of him), Nirvana (..meh, sure), Dashboard Confessional (wasn't one of their songs in Spider man's movie? Toby Maguire looked so cute in that movie with all the moping and crying for his grandparents)". After flipping through a bunch of CDs and checking them off as "meh" or "never heard of them", he finally caught something.

"Daft punk? She likes Daft Punk?!"

He couldn't believe his eyes. For some reason he put the CD in one of his pouches. He also couldn't help but take Demon Days by the Gorillaz.

"Alright, I'm ready" Jess said, already hopping down the steps towards the Black Luxury SUV. Deadpool quickly put down her Cd's and went to go follow after the two girls.

"I'll drive" Willow said

"You can sit in the front if you want" Jess looked back at Deadpool who was just catching up to them. With everyone buckled in, Jess looked over at Deadpool, who was still struggling with the belt and was yanking it harder and harder.

"what the hell!"

"you want some help?"

"no, no, wait a sec, I got this!" he declared. With another tug, the belt went a few inches further but got stuck again. Willow was trying to help, but the masked man kept ignoring her and was determined to do this by himself.

"fucking-"

"would you-"

"Stupid-"

"wait a-"

"Car!"

"Here, wait a sec" Jess interrupted. As she adjusted the belt a few times, the belt finally clicked into place. Before he could reluctantly mutter thanks, she had already seated herself back into the chair and they were already driving out.

Crap. A soft, sweet, feminine scent of her made him a bit dizzy. It wasn't a bad dizzy. It was a good dizzy.

For what seemed like only a few seconds, he wondered where his voice had gone. He'd usually be spouting some sort of nonsense, but not even a loud belch came out of him. Suddenly he was jolted out of his thoughts with the loud blaring of music.

YOU DOWN WITH OPP (YEAH YOU KNOW ME)

WHO'S DOWN WITH OPP (EVERY LAST HOMIE)

YOU DOWN WITH OPP (YEAH YOU KNOW ME)

WHO'S DOWN WITH OPP (ALL THE HOMIES)

"HOLY SHIT JESS IS THIS HOW YOU LOUD YOU PUT IT WHEN YOU'RE DRIVING BY YOURSELF?!"

"ahhh, no! turn it off! TURN IT OFF!"

Suddenly he saw Jess leap from the back to the front of the car, trying to press every button frantically. Then it instantly went quiet.

After a day of unconsciously repressing all his usual crazy antics, he couldn't help but start laughing. She pulled herself up to look up at him. With her hair now a mess and trying to crawl back into her seat, a light blush appeared on her light brown skin.

"I-I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you Dead-"

He looked back towards the nervous girl who immediately became quiet under his stare and was avoiding his eyes.

"Don't worry about it toots" he chuckled. "And you can call me Wade."

Finally after a whole 4 chapters, her dark eyes finally met his. The stare kinda sent a slight electrifying pulse throughout her body.

"But you told me to call you-"

"Deadpool's just my superhero name. But since it's you, I want you to call me by my real name" he replied and winked at her. To his immature, horny 13-year-old-boy mind, he liked that she laughed nervously and her cheeks flamed a brighter red. Before he could try and tease her again, Willow interrupted the special moment that they were having.

"So you have any idea where you wanna eat?"

"Hmmm…hows about we just go get 7 dozen Chimichangas? There's one on Cleveland Avenue. Another one on Queens Blvd, Roosevelt Ave, Astoria Blvd, 9th Ave, Amsterdam Ave-"

"I wasn't asking-"

"What's a Chimichanga?"

Wade slowly turned around, looking at Jess with a shocked expression.

"You don't know what a chimichanga is?" he whispered in horror. "Please tell me that you're joking."

She simply shrugged her shoulders and shook her head, her doe like eyes wide and innocent. "Nope"

"Redhead, go to Amsterdam Avenue."

"Now hold on, I was asking Jess"

"It's okay Will, I want to try this." She smiled.

With a small huff of annoyance, Will started driving towards Amsterdam Avenue.


	8. More like One Out Of A Millon

Finally, after swerving through traffic, circling around the area a thousand times for a parking space, and finding a booth to sit at, they finally got their meal and were eating.

Jess was a bit skeptical about the food, but her stomach was growling in hunger and she wasn't about to argue now. Their table was filled with food- mostly from Wade ordering the most Chimichangas-and the paper containers were dripping with condensation. Wade didn't waste any time to wait for them and he started digging right in with some of the worst table manners one might imagine. Giving a quick glance at Wade who didn't even realize he was being stared at, Jess slowly and carefully bit into the burrito.

It tasted pretty good. It was a bit spicy but she didn't mind. She took a sip of her drink, not knowing it was soda, and as soon as the fizz and carbon went down her throat, she nearly spewed out in disgust.

"You okay Jess?" Willow asked

Trying to blink back the pain that was beginning to spill out of her eyes, she gave a weak smile.

"Just the soda" she smiled as she finished up her food.

Just when Wade finished up his last chimichanga and pop, he could hear some commotion going on. He looked up to find Jessica standing up from the booth and walking towards the bar area.

Suddenly, Jess dashed towards their table grabbing her purse and jacket and nearly shoving their table aside.

"wegottagowegottagowegottago!" she said frantically

"What's wrong?" Wade smiled as he started to grab for the left Katana on his back.

"Paparazzi" She said, clearly annoyed at the thought of them.

"Wade you can't hurt any of them!" Willow said already pointing a finger at the mercenary.

"AW C'MOOON!" he whined louder. "5? Please just 5! I prooomise I'll make sure they'll still breathing!" he batted his eyes at her.

"NO WADE. Let's just get out the back door and we'll try to beat them to the car!"

Whimpering like spoiled little kid, Wade sheathed his sword and followed behind them. Suddenly he came back and gathered up all his precious little chimichangas and then ran out. Just when they were running down the last few blocks bright flashes of cameras and the loud hollering of paparazzi popped out of nowhere. Jessica, who was easily scared of everything, screamed and made a crazy dash across the street. Willow gasped and started running after Jessica, yelling at her to watch for the cars.

During the mayhem of hollering, screaming and cameras flashing, Deadpool started running after the both of them, quickly sneaking in a few thousand hard punches to the paparazzi and sometimes yelling "FAAALLLCON PUUWWNCH".

Like cockroaches quickly running away from light, the groups of photographers backed off and decided to takes pictures from the opposite side of the street. Deadpool finally caught up with them, hoping that Willow hadn't seen him leaving those guys lying unconscious on the street.

Unfortunately, luck wasn't with him that night.

"Dammit Wade I told you not to do that!" Willow panted out while they were speed walking past the intersection. Jessica, who was now walking between the both of them, was still checking behind her shoulder, completely amazed at what her new bodyguard had done.

"Aww they're fine. I didn't break any bones and we got away so it's a win-win situa-"

"No, Wade, I told you to not do anything except protect Jessica, which, you didn't exactly do! You weren't anywhere near her"

"Willow, it's fine" Jessica laughed sweetly. "I am safe and I'm sure that after those paparazzi get back home from the hospital, they'll know better than to come near me so it's a couple less photographers to run from! See Will? Win-win situation" she used her brightest, most pure smile and Willow couldn't do anything but huff in annoyance.

"Fine"

Just when Wade was going to shoot a smug face at Willow, he felt a small hand press against his forearm.

"M-Mr. Wade, I can't thank you enough for taking this job. I'm sure that if you weren't here we wouldn't have gotten out so quickly." With the sweetest smile that was literally melting the last bits of what was left of his heart and mind, she let go and walked ahead, humming a soft tune while she started looking through the windows of the shops.

_….holy shit._

_(..wow.) _

Trying to shake any thoughts that might further cause his pants to get any tighter, his eyes couldn't help but be mesmerized by the voluptuous bod that she had. He could only guess that he wasn't the only one watching. He checked around him. Coincidentally-

"I call bullshit on that author"

It WAS a coincidence. Anyways,

A group of business men were walking past them and had caught sight of the brunette. While each of them walked past her, they cleared a path for her and did a double take to sneak a glance at her.

_Yup. Every single one of them._

"She looks like that cute redhead from Madmen" He said to himself.

"You mean Christina Hendricks?" a voice replied.

"Yeah, that's her name! The only difference is she's like the latina version of Christina Hendricks. She is latina right?"

"She's actually Colombian. Unfortunately, because she is known for her classic hourglass figure, many of the tabloids have accused her of having numerous surgeries to look like that"

"Now you Know~! But wouldn't there be some kind of proof that she was under the knife? Like a scar or just the appearance alone?"

"Yeah, there would definitely be, but even though she's tried to convince others she's had no surgery, people still like to spread rumors"

Silence fell.

"…..you think she has a boyfriend?"

"If you're thinking of asking her out, I would say your chances with her are extremely low"

"Like, one out of ten?"

"More like one out of a million"

Noticing her hair glow a dark fire red, he kept a close watch on her.

"….so you're saying there's still a chance" Wade grinned. He pumped his fist into the air and silently thanked the stars; But most importantly, the author.

"*ahem* Mr. Wilson, not to burst your bubble here but I'm saying that there is no way that she would date a mercenary like you. Not only have you explicitly shown to me that you were more than suited to take this job, but you also are just her bodyguard, nothing more, and nothing less"

"-WOAH, how long have you been here?! You mean I wasn't talking to those little yellow boxes?"

"What are you talking about? You were speaking to me weren't you?" Willow replied.

"Uh….yeah, sure I was" he replied as both of them finally caught up with Jess. The sky was already turning a bright red colour, signaling the day was coming to a close. The 3 climbed into the vehicle, Willow in the driver's seat, Jess seated right next to Will and Deadpool sitting at the far edge.

"Will, I'm really tired. Can you just drop me off at my house and we'll call it a day?" Jess yawned and stretched her arms over her head.

"Sure. But just so you know, Mr. Wilson is going to be staying with you in your home for a couple of days." she grimaced at the thought of him staying with her "It's only until I find an apartment for him to stay at for the next few months or so."

_Didn't realize how much Willow wants me to hook up with Jess. Not that I'm complaining or anything but jeez girl, it wouldn't kill ya to at least give me a heads up so that I could bring the fuzzy pink police cuffs and honey?_

Already drifting off to sleep, Jess took one last yawn and instantly fell asleep.

With Willow starting up the car, they headed to Jess' house.

"Sooo…..are you going to be staying with us too?" Deadpool asked

_Pleasedon'tstaypleasedon'tstayPLEASEDONTSTAY_

"no, she sort of has a day off tomorrow but I'll call in the morning"

_OHMYGAWDFUCKYEESS_

"Well don't call too early, I can only guess that she'll be sleeping in late. Unless you were calling to check up on me" he replied with a sly grin.

"Don't flatter yourself" Willow grumbled

After a while of silence and the occasional disgruntled mewl that Jessica made while she unconsciously thrashed around trying to find a comfortable position, their surrounding area turned from tall skyscrapers to open pastures filled with grass and glowing fireflies. After singing the wheels on the bus go round and round for the 20th time, Wade started to fall asleep. Just when he was started to nod off, he felt the car drive on smooth pavement to rocky ground making him bonk his head on the window. The open starry night sky was slowly being closed off by the tall dark trees that covered each side of the pathway. The air was filled with fireflies and the whole forest was glowing a dark blue.

* * *

"Are we there yet?" he whined. After getting a growl from Willow that sounded like the word "almost", he took a loud and overly exaggerated yawn. Wade propped his feet on the dashboard and rested his arm on the back of the seat. Now heavily sleeping, Jess started to lose strength in keeping her upper torso up and began lying down.

"Jess, you gotta stay up, we're almost there" Willow said softly, using her free hand to nudge her awake.

Wade looked down at her, watching her fingers twitch and her eyebrows furrow every once in awhile. Her nose would do a funny little twitch that almost looked like a bunny twitching its nose. Her pink soft lips started forming into a pout and she started quietly whimpering. His eyes travelled down to her exposed neck.

_(you enjoying this?)_

_Yup. Every minute of it._

_[even when she's clearly having a nightmare?]_

"Mmm" she mewled

Heh. From the way she sighed like that I'd say she's having a pretty good dream.

_(hehehe, it's probably about me!)_

"…no…no, sir I can't sell you these special magical tubes soc-" she mumbled and started giggling.

_(Oooo sounds kinky!)_

_[Ugh. so stupid]_

"….Jessica, what the heck is going on inside you head?" Willow asked as she quirked her eyebrow at Jess.

Finally driving up to the house, Deadpool hopped out and looked up at the house.

He looked further up.

And up.

And up.

"Beat the homeless and shoot the neighbors, how fuckin big is this place?!" he exclaimed, astonished at the unbelievable size of the mansion.

"Uh hello, Wade you have to help me with her!"

"Just wake her up" he replied, already standing right in front of the door.

_(No you idiot, you'll miss the chance of getting to carry her over the threshold!)_

_You mean I'm married to her now?!_

_(Once this uptight redhead leaves, we'll get to play all sorts of games with her, like doctor and…and...)_

_[cat and mouse? Twister? Strip poker?]_

_Ohhh yes baby, now you're talkin!_

"WADE!"

"Alright, alright, don't get your granny panties in a bunch" Wade said. He hopped back down to the car and cradled her into his arms.

"God, this woman feels softer than a….than a…." He paused for a second to think about a good comparison "than a chimichanga"

"Just hurry up and get her to her room" Willow growled.


	9. Plan SBS

When Jess woke up she found herself lying on her bed. She slowly got up and looked over at the clock that was sitting on her small nightstand.

'10:00 pm'

She swung her legs over her comfy bed and realized she was still in her pants and long sleeve. Not bothering to close the curtains to her wide open window, she shimmied her way out of her pants and took off her shirt. With nothing but her seamless black boy shorts and her favorite basic black bra she sat at the edge of her bed and looked toward the mirror that faced her bed. Closing her eyes for a moment, she pulled her hair band out and let her long black hair cascade down her back. Her choppy blunt bangs were a little messed up so she got up and walked toward her big vanity mirror and grabbed a brush.

'Man, I'm soo hungry right now'

Quickly brushing her hair, she set the brush down and took off her shirt and unsnapped her bra. She threw it behind her, not bothering to see where it landed. Suddenly, she heard a loud crash outside of her window following with several dogs barking. When she went over to her window, she peered out and looked around outside, trying to find out what caused that loud noise. All she could see was the dark outline of the large oak tree that covered most of her window. Shrugging it off, she went over to her dresser and put on a simple black tank top. Taking one last look at herself in the mirror, she skipped out of her room.

Trotting down the hallway and making her way down the spiraling stairs, she made her way to another long hallway and entered the kitchen. Everything was perfectly quiet, and the rain was pouring down hard against the wide glass windows. She found the remote to the stereo and pressed play. While she was cooking some pasta, she put on the song_ how can you swallow so much sleep_ by_ the Bombay Bicycle Club_ (Author: seriously, ya'll better listen to that song!).

As the music played she strained the pot of noodles and let the warm heat fog up her black glasses. She got out a plate and a big jar of tomato sauce. With the rain pouring outside and the air getting thick with warmth, she felt a bit sleepy and her body felt relaxed, making her movements calmer.

Just as she finished her quiet humming and making her meal, she turned around only to find a blurry figure standing there.

"Hey"

Jess screamed as she threw her plate at the figure. With the fog still covering her glasses she couldn't see a thing. Almost instantly the thing dodged the plate that crashed somewhere in the background.

"woah! Hey stop!" It yelled out.

She frantically grabbed for something close to her and threw it.

"Jess- would you- AHHHH!"

Then she grabbed another object.

"wowyouhaveaverystrongarm- AHHH, STOP!"

Suddenly, the figure was standing right in front of her, grabbing the hand that had a wooden spoon.

Frightened to the core and still blind, she tried to wrench her hand from the strong grip that was holding her.

"Jess, it's me!" a deep familiar voice said.

She stopped struggling and looked up, trying to squint through the fog that was slowly fading away.

"W-Wade?" she stuttered out.

"Yup" he chirped. Still smiling, his voice got a little calmer. "You know it's not a very good idea to play housewife in the kitchen while you're completely blind." She watched as his eyes travelled around her body. "But I do like the lack of clothes you choose not to wear. You gunna stay like this for the rest of the night? " he purred. "kidding!" he said with a chuckle while coughing something that sounded like "sort of" .

Trying to collect herself and not faint, she gently pushed herself away from him and swerved around him, immediately going to pick up her black sweatpants that were hanging on a chair and quickly put them on. Next she started cleaning up the mess that she made.

"Aw c'mon Jess, what's the matter?" he pouted.

"N-nothing. It's just- not to sound rude or anything, but why are you here?". Wade grabbed the chair that was in front of the drawers and sat on it backwards, his arms resting on the top of the supporting back. "umm, because you agreed to let me stay?"

"When did I agree to that?" she asked while she took out her broom and started sweeping the shattered pieces on the ground.

"Like, a chapter ago…chapter 8 to be precise"

"Wait, what?"

"nothing." He smirked from under his mask.

"Seriously, stop joking around. I can't remember when I ever said yes to this" she continued, her eyes still glued onto whatever could avoid facing his intimidating but playful stare

"You really don't remember? It was when Willow was driving us here"

With her eyebrows furrowed, she scrunched her eyes tight and lightly tapped the tip of the broomstick against her head, trying her hardest to remember. Then something clicked in her head that made her remember those last few words Willow said.

"ohhhhh, riiight!" she said quietly. "But what bad timing Will has. Didn't she realize that I was already half asleep?" she said to herself. Wade didn't say anything. Instead, he watched as she silently placed the dustpan between her feet and swept the rest of the broken pieces into it. Next she picked up the dustpan and with quiet tapping of her small feet, she walked past him and dropped the pieces into the garbage. He didn't bother to turn around and steal another glance at her voluptuous round behind. Rather then turn, he couldn't help but be forced to smell that icky DISGUSTINGLY sweet scent that he liked

_She smells good. Not overly sweet like that fake cotton candy shit most girls wear but-_

_[Sort of like a warm woodsy smell?]_

_(I would say cilantro)_

_mmm, cilantroo~_

_Smells almost as good as gunpowder or blood and guts._

Already making up her mind to swallow her fear and just act normal, she walked around him and stopped at the doorway.

"Well since you're going to be staying here, allow me to show you my humble crib" she said with faux charm. Wade grinned and followed her out of the kitchen. Though he was half listening to her prattle on about where the bathrooms, spare rooms, and any other rooms he didn't care about, he noticed that she was blushing a bright red whenever he got close to her.

_She totally wants me_

_(You can say that again! the blushing, the bedroom eyes! you think she's the type to let me motorboat her on the first date?)_

_Maybe; you know the old saying: It's usually the shy types that are wild cats in bed._

_(humnahumnahumna!3)_

_Okay, just play it cool. You're Deadpool for fuck's sakes, the merc with the mouth, the gangster of love, the guy that'll be on GQ's cover (someday), the prince of crimes-_

_….no wait, that's Joker's nickname._

_(Shut up and pay attention!)_

_You shuut up, you don't own me!...or do you?_

_(Just say something cool!) _

"how tall are you?" he suddenly asked.

_(WOOOOOWWW. After taking a week off to memorize the top 10 best pickup lines! If there was a shame meter for this story right now, it would be full)_

_I'm pretty sure I deserve the cone of shame right now_

"umm, I think I'm about 5'5 " she said. They were walking down the large hallway on the 2nd floor. "Why? How tall are you?"

"6'2"

"Wow" she said, her voice naturally dripping in a soft sing song voice.

"Heh. Do I look taller than that?" he suddenly stood a little taller, a proud smile appearing on his masked face.

"You look 6'4! Or maybe 5? Something like that" she said softly

Silence fell. For some reason, Deadpool didn't say anything. No smart flirty remarks, no jokes, no nothing. Her quietness calmed him, and the voices in his head seemed to disappear (well at least a little). He didn't even realize that he was following her into the living room.

"Soo if you don't mind, I'm going to stay up for another hour or so. You can join me if you want but if you wanna hit the hay a little early, you can pick any of the spare rooms I have. If you get hungry you're more than welcome to rummage through my fridge. Annnd, yeah," she smiled "just make yourself at home".

_Whaaaa? She's just gunna leave us hangin like this?_

Jess hopped over the big couch and started crawling on the ground to get to her movies that were stashed in a big drawer under her TV. Going through her movies, she tried to find one that caught her eye.

_(This is going nowhere. You better think of something fast before we have to pull out plan S.B.S)_

"S.B.S?"

_(Surprise Butt Sex)_

_[You do realize that if you try to force sex on her you probably won't be getting your payment not to mention she'll sue you for rape. Remember you're still on the job, you can't mix business with pleasure!]_

_Where the hell have you been?_

_[The author forgot to include me in the last chapters]_

_So I can't even suck face with her. I mean you do have to accept the fact that she wants this. I mean it's only natural for-_

_[Just shut up and join her….maybe if she initiates it first, we won't get the blame for it. I mean it really isn't our fault]_

Not knowing what else to do, Wade walked over to the couch and looked over.

"What the hell?"

_(….did she fall asleep while she was in the middle of doing something?)_

"I think so"

Sighing, Wade walked around the couch and took a close look at her.

"Yup. She's knocked the fuck out. For someone so tiny you would think she would have as much energy as a kid". Wrapping one arm under her head and the other under her legs, he easily lifted her up and turned around to face the couch. Without thinking he walked over to the cushy couch and seated himself with her still in his arms. With a little adjustment, he was comfortable and he placed her head under his arm and rested it over the armchair.

His pain, his thoughts, his life as a mercenary, his cancer, his inability to be normal, his inability to die; (oddly enough) in the silence that surrounded them he didn't think of those things. He decided to busy himself with watching the girl sleep.

"You know, in most famous scenes like this, I would consider waking her up…but you know what? Fuck it, we'll just skip past that"

_(You should probably skip the quote you're going to repeat that was in Issue #2)_

_Yeah. Don't think it's very polite to be thinkin bout Siryn when I have this little lady in my hands._

_[What the hell are you guys talking about? that quote wouldn't even fit into this story. She isn't part of the X-geek team and she doesn't have any super powers. God you guys are so stupid]_

Very gently, his hand uncurled itself from under the back of her leg and traced along the top of her thigh; then across to the hip that wasn't pressed against him.

"In the marvel comics, they draw all the girls really unrealistic; most girls would not have a 10 inch waist, be all legs and weigh 110 pounds. If you actually turned them into real fleshy humans, they would turn out like Barbie if she was turned into a real human. You ever seen the actual picture of Barbie if she ever was real?"

_(Yup. It was disgusting.)_

His hand lightly cupped her hip and proceeded to move to her-

_[Freeze!]_

"Ugh, god, what?"

_[No free squeezes]_

_(c'mon, she's a heavy sleeper. What she doesn't know won't hurt her! Unless the squeeze is a little too hard)_

"She's not wearing a bra"

_[Exactly so she'll definitely feel it. Now drop that hand, and step away from the tits]_

_(….you're such a buzzkill)_

_[Hey I'm the one who has to keep you two in check. I'm the logical side of you. Someone has to be the responsible one around here.]_

He closed his hand into a fist except his index finger and the middle. Like two mini hand legs, he tiptoed up to her breasts and climbed on top of one breast.

"Boing, boing, boing" he said as his hand started jumping on top of one breast.

_(Hahahaha!)_

_[Hey, stop! She'll wake up!_]

"Woopsie" He said as the leg fingers turned into an open palm that formed around her right breast. He gave one light squeeze.

_Mother of god, that's frickin soft._

_(Squishy! Soft! Like a marshmellow!)_

"No way man, it's like softer than that. It's like-"

He squeezed again.

"-Like cotton candy."

Without saying anything else, his hands quickly went up to her face. She had brown skin and full light brown lips. Her straight bangs that usually covered her forehead were now clipped back and her very long straight black hair went down past her breasts and ended at her stomach. Her eyelashes fluttered every once in a while. He gently took off her glasses that were beginning to slide down her nose and slipped them into the pocket on her right breast. Pulling off his mask and taking off his glove with his teeth, his bare hand cupped her cheek, feeling the soft flesh and rubbing his thumb over her cheekbone.

Wade yawned and his hand slowly went down to her neck; under his rough deteriorated skin, her neck was deliciously smooth and soft. With every touch, stroke and soothing brush, he began to nod off.

_[Hey don't fall asleep!]_

_(Gotta agree with him on this one. if she wakes up in your arms and sees you without your mask on you'll be in so much shit)_

"S'her fault. She's the one that fell asleep first." He yawned as he lazily pulled on his mask to about half way down.

"There. Now both of you shut up and take a few zz's"

_[Fine. But keep your snoring down. God, sometimes you sound like your snorking up snot and choking on it]_

"Probably am"

_(okay, okay. Just shut up sleep)_

After a long silence of nothing, Wade rested his head back and closed his eyes. Each breath he took became calm and slow.

_(….love you guys) _

_[Sh]_


	10. The Irish Angel

Very slowly I opened my eyes, trying to get adjusted to the bright light was determined to make me close my eyes again. Stretching my arms over my head and letting out a small yawn, I lifted my head up and noticed I was still in the living room.

_'Oowww my neck. Ah frick, my neeeeck! Ow,ow,ow,ow,ow,ow!'_

Resting my head back down, I noticed that my couch felt a lot harder than before; stiff as a board.

'_Well, it's not much of a surprise; I do spend a lot of time sittin my ass on this-ohmygod!'_

I looked up to my right and realized that I was lying in the arms of Wade. His head was completely facing upwards to the ceiling. His left hand was rested on my stomach and his right hand was rested beside my head. Not trying to look completely scared about doing this, I awkwardly tried to get up without placing my hands anywhere. Just when I started to hear him snort and start to twitch, I instantly froze. Finally, I was able to get off him and took a quick look around. Everything was normal; cloudy but still bright, birds chirping and trees blowing in the wind. Everything was still and quiet. I noticed that his mask wasn't completely covering his face. Then I saw it.

"Oh my goodness..."

From under his nose to down I could see he had severe burn marks and I could already guess his entire face must look disfigured.

"Wade, what the hell happened to you?" I whispered. Mentally arguing with myself to just leave, I slowly placed myself on his lap again. I decided to take a closer look. I wasn't going to take off his mask completely, I just want to see it up close. Without thinking, I slowly touched his bare skin, gently caressing his rough face and lightly touching his bottom lip with my thumb. A blush starts to spread across my cheeks in embarrassment.

I feel like a pervert.

_'Okay, Mr. pervy wervy, stop thinking of him that way!' _

"...Theresa..." he moaned in his sleep.

_'Huh? Who's Theresa?'_

"Mmm….fuck, Terry..yes…just a little more"

_'OOOOKAY AND IM GUNNA GO MAKE SOME BREAKFEST NOW. YUP, I DIDN'T HEAR ANYTHING!'_

Trying to calm down, I put on my glasses and quickly but quietly get off him. I speed walked out of the room and head towards the kitchen.

_'I should probably make some for him too. But I wonder what he likes? Just base it off what Ethan likes: pancakes and bacon. He's a pretty big guy, so better make a lot. Maybeee I should put out some waffles, coffee, toast, eggs (ugh, bleh, I hate eggs), and maybe, like, hashbrowns or something….? I wonder if I have time to make some cookies or muffins…._

_"I should probably take a cold shower too_" I muttered to myself.


	11. Delissio

Wade began laughing perversely in his sleep. Gradually he stopped and his hands began to close around themselves. Suddenly his eyes shot open and he snapped his head up.

"J-Jessica?" he murmured as he noticed she wasn't on his lap anymore.

_[she's obviously up]_

_(go find her!)_

Wade stretched out his arms and threw himself on his feet. Shaking out his legs and pulling out the major butt wedgie from his tight spandex suit, he hopped over the couch and headed left towards the hallway.

"Jess?" he repeated. He took a peek inside the kitchen and walked in.

_Woaah! What's with all the food?_

Walking up to the big round table full of food, he noticed a small note placed on the coffee pot.

'Wade,

Didn't know what you liked to eat so I tried to make one of everything Hope you find something you like!'

-Jess

Wade stood there in silence.

_(What the hell are you still standing there for?! Hurry up and eat this whole goddamn table up!)_

He quickly sat down and looked completely lost, not knowing what to eat first. But once he took a bite of a waffle, he started eating the whole 4 stacks of them. And once he grabbed a pancake, he started bulldozing through the whole buffet.

Every second he had time to breathe between eating everything he would groan out "So good….so…fucking….goooodd!" with tears streaking down his face. By the end of the violent but glorious war between Jess' delicious cooking and Deadpool, our merc with the mouth nearly almost lost his entire strength.

Belching out the loudest and longest burp that echoed through the entire house, Wade finally sat back, completely and utterly satisfied.

_[….that was…]_

_(Delicious!)_

_[as dora would say….delicioso!]_

_Isn't that delissio?_

_(I think that's a pizza)_

_"YOU'RE A PIZZA"_

_[anyways, you better go find her]_

"alright little piggy, come out, come out wherever you arrre!"


	12. Mr Winkie!

After a much needed and long warm shower, I stepped out, quickly drying up with my towel. Without wrapping myself up in my fluffy towel, I walked out of my bathroom and into my bedroom. Quietly humming a song that I was still working to complete, I looked through my dresser and picked out a pair of panties and a brassiere.

_'He should be done by now right?…Wonder how cold it is outside…'_

Putting on a pair of leggings and a big comfy grey long sleeve, I quickly brushed my hair, put on some makeup, and headed toward the door. trying to be quiet, I opened it very slowly, and I looked right; nothing. Then left; nothing either. There was no one in sight. I quickly tip toed to the end of the hall and made my way down the stairs. Grabbing my notebook and pencils from the hallway, I made my way to the back porch. The day was still dark and grey but with the small light breezes, I decided to go down to the backyard and try to work on my pieces.

"He'll find me eventually…" I reassured myself. I picked up a towel that was hanging on a lawn chair and laid it on the ground. After settling myself in, I opened the case and pulled out my guitar. Tuning the strings, I started humming the tune of how I wanted the song to sound like.

While I was writing, I couldn't help but laugh at how ridiculous and weird this was going to turn out.

"I'm in no way a homewrecker" I giggled "but whatever"

"Every...boyfriend is the one. Until other-wise proven….the good are never easy, the easy never good. And love, it never happens like you think it really should." I said.

"Deception and perfection are wonderful traits" I smiled "one will breed love, the other, hate". "You'll find me in the lonely hearts….under 'I'm after a brand new start'. "

"And I don't belong to anyone" I quietly sang

"They call me homewrecker, homewrecker" I started singing a little louder. "They call me homewrecker, Homewrecker." I continued to sing. With one inhale I started losing the momentum and just awkwardly said "uhhhhmmm….."

Suddenly my cell phone rang and I swiped it over to me with my foot. My screen flashed Willow's name.

"Hey Will"

"Hey Jess, just want to remind you that you have that photo shoot that's scheduled for this afternoon and you also have a performance to do at for Mr Harvey's fundraiser that will be held at his mansion- that's this evening"

"Ahh right, okay, okay…umm, what time should you and the chauffeur be here?"

"We'll be there in about an hour"

"Kay, see you then". I hung up the phone and set it down beside me. I silently looked up at the sky and saw that the clouds were getting darker. 'Is Wade lost?'

I ran my hand through my hair and pushed my bangs to the side. "Great…not only do I have to-"

"HEY!" a loud scream belted into my left heart nearly leapt out of my body as I gasped.

I turned to my left and was looking straight into a pair of big white eyes.

"Wade" I sighed.

"I was looking for you everywhere. I got lost so many times…..what're doing out here?"

"Just…" I tapped my pencil against the notebook in my other hand "writing….." I took a quick look at him and turned my head to busy myself. "How was breakfast? I mean, was it okay?"

"okay? It was soooo good" I was suddenly pulled into his arm and was given a small hug "hell of a lot better than Weasel's sorry ass attempt at making grub"

"Weasel?"

"Yeah, because believe it or not, even homicidal maniacs can have a friend keepin an eye out for us. But sadly they don't come with the housewife skills package like you do."

_I wonder if it's possible to do some kind of human trade between Weasel and her. It'd be a good investment to have this little senorita as our house maid then that nerd._

_[I'd think her fans would notice a big difference when they see Weasel on the stage in a scantily clad outfit trying to sing]_

Before she could reply, a loud thunderous boom came from the sky followed by a heavy downpour of rain. Grabbing my pencil and notebook, I tried talking over the loud rain that was pelting over us.

"Let's hurry and get inside!". both of us ran into the house soaked to the bone. while i tried to dry off, Wade shook himself violently like a soaked dog, making me soaked all over again.

"So anywaays, oh-! Right, I still gotta go clean up." I grabbed the bottom of my shirt and squeezed the rain out of it. Not willing to ask about what happened this morning, I avoided his innocent stare and walked to the kitchen.

"You know… I can't help but think…" his voice said that I heard behind me.

I close my eyes briefly as I just approached the kitchen door. I opened them and once again I was looking straight into his eyes.

"That you're purposefully avoiding me." I swerved around him and immediately began picking up all the empty dishes that were lying on the table.

"I'm not avoiding you, it's just that-" I sighed as I started getting to work on washing the dishes. "I'm not much of a…talkative person."

I turned and he continued to look at me with a blank 'still-not-understanding' stare.

"Well I'm just a naturally quiet person (as you can tell). Although I might be seen as one of those outgoing people, I'm not. I'm actually just very…..shy." I tried sounding calm but my voice cracked a bit. I felt him come up behind me and suddenly I was being spun around.

"Aww how cute! c'mon puddin, you don't have to be so shy with little ol' me!" he easily picked me up like some small wounded puppy. "You gotta loosen up a bit doll face. Especially since we'll be together for a year" I could see he was flashing a big smile and he kept swinging me from side to side. Trying not to make a stink face at him, I tried to make a convincing glare as I wiggled my index finger telling him to come closer. Immediately his outstretched arms brought me almost nose to nose with him.

"Waaade" I said in a warning voice "put me down…"

He gently set me down and by the look of his eyes (that for some reason could always show any type of emotion that ran through him) I could tell that he was expecting some kind of "special" moment to happen between us. Still being relatively very close, I choose an alternative and smacked both sides of his face with my hands and started grinding my hands against his cheeks so that he was making a retarded fish face. He made some kind of weird sound that sounded like "ugh"

"Go take a shower; you smell worse than death." I said in a flat tone. With another light slap with my hands and a bright smile plastered on my face, I turned back to the dishes and started humming.

"What sort of crack did you smoke? I don't smell-" I peeked at him through the mirror and he took a whiff of his under arms and immediately started choking and coughing. His eyes caught mine again and I tried to hide my smile. "This is just the scent of a REAL man. A hero. A-"

"A man that hasn't taken a shower in a week; now shoo, go take a shower, Willow is supposed to be here in about 45 minutes and we shouldn't make her wait"

Hearing him grumble, I could hear his boots thumping against the tiled floor.

"Wanna join me? I'll let you play with Mr. Winkie!" he called out.

Trying not to choke on embarrassment, I replied "Thanks but I'll have to pass this time. I already had a shower"

"You sure?"

"Yes I'm sure! Now go Wade!"


	13. Her Very Own Saint Bernard

"Noooo way I am not doing that!"

"Jess I'm not giving you a choice."

She gave a side glance and shook her head silently at Willow. "I'm not posing nude."

"You're not going to be entirely naked. You'll be wearing clothes, i promise!" Willow gave her the first outfit. "Now c'mon, let's just get this over with quick"

"Willow, why are you being so mean to me?" she looked at the redhead with big watery puppy dog eyes. Slowly but reluctantly she started putting on the outfit. It was a long white sleeved body suit.

"Jess don't pull those crocodile tears with me. Maybe other people will fall for that but you know it won't work on me. I told you about this a long time ago but I'm sure you just either agreed to it on the spot without giving it any thought or you just honestly forgot. Either way you gotta do this"

"b-but Wade's out there. There are so many people out there. They'll all be watching me!" her voice quivered and tears started to rim across her bottom lashes.

"Forget about them, just ignore them. Focus on me. Or distract yourself with something else, like the beautiful scenery outside. Don't worry Jess, nothing's going to happen, I'll be right beside you"

Her heart started beating faster each step she took toward the door. "W-willow, I can't. Seriously, I can't do this!"

"Jess you can. You can do this. Now please stop crying, you're going to ruin your mascara" she gripped the doorknob hard and she could hear herself gasping for breath. "Remember, I'll be right beside you. Focus on me"

Knowing that she had no way out of this, she stopped crying and her once contorted face that showed the appearance of true fear had instantly disappeared. She closed her eyes and when she opened them, her eyes showed faux strength and confidence. She gripped the doorknob and with one last deep breath, she opened it. As soon as she was welcomed by the bright smile of the male photographer, she mustered every bit of her strength to restrain herself from punching his face back into his skull.

"So where do you want me?"

"How bout we start with you standing right in front of the window- okay good, now, relax Miss Paisley and try to have fun with this"

She saw many outlines of people's faces but her eyes caught the face of her bodyguard. With people still primping her hair and doing the last finishing touches of her makeup, her dark skin started to flame a bright red and her body felt like it was being melted under everyone's eyes on her.

She began to turn every which way, her eyes still focusing on the lens of the camera. While she was directed to look at certain places, she heard the background sounds of people talking and helping out with the lighting. She took a quick glance at the window behind her and looked at the beautiful forestry that was covering the big window.

_'This sucks. Why can't there be just the photographer and Willow? Can't those other people leave or just turn around?'_

"looking great Jess!"

I'm freezing.

She lightly touched the bottom of her lip with her fingertips

"Perfect!"

She continued on with trying on more outfits and improvising between touching her hair, tugging at the collar of her clothes, and just plain old smiling.

_'The photographer sure seems to be enjoying this' _

_'Think of something funny. Think of-dogs. noo, I don't really like dogs. okay think of-…..of…'_

Her black eyes looked for something in the room that looked funny but she couldn't help but smile and start quietly laughing at the 6 ft 2 man sitting on a small box, dressed in his complete red and black suit and drooling like a Saint Bernard.

_'Pffthahahahaha! Wade, you're not helping!' _

"okay, just a couple more shots Miss Paisley! You're looking great!"

Her back felt warm and she realized the sun was streaming in through the window. She sighed in comfort and let the hot rays of the sun beat down on her dark skin. Running her hand through her thick curly hair she looked down to cover the laughter that still wanted to burst out of her.

_'Stupid, stupid Wade! Why did I look at him! Even though I can't see his face, he looks so retarded sitting there with that mask and suit on! It's like 'casual clothed person, causal clothed person, casual clothed person, DUDE IN A SKIN TIGHT ONSIE, casual clothed person, casual clothed person, casual clothed person'_

"Beautiful!" after a couple of more shots, she took one last glance at the center of the camera lens and finally the photographer said "aannd we're done!"

She let out a sigh of relief and walked toward Willow who met her half way and gave her a bottle of water.

"Thanks Willow" she said politely

Having her assistant follow after her, she re-entered her changing room.

"Jess you looked so beautiful!"

She found her clothes and slowly put them back on.

"Jess?"

"Hm? Oh, sorry Willow, I was completely zoning out; what did you say? "

"I said you looked beautiful; you didn't look nervous or awkward and you did a great job. I saw the pictures and they all look amazing!"

"Thanks, and, well, you know how I am; I'll make a huge fuss but when I have to do it, I just suck it up and get it done. Plus it kinda helped that Wade was there. I could _not_ stop laughing at how silly he looked."

"I couldn't exactly hear what he was mumbling and giggling to himself but by the way that he was drooling and panting quietly like a dog, I can already guess it was something perverted" Willow said with disgust.

Not entirely listening, Jess clipped her long bangs back. With one last look in the mirror, she walked out with Willow beside her and was greeted with words of praise from people around her. She waved and thanked everyone and then automatically went over to Wade.

"Hi" she said.

"….."

"Wade?"

"….."

"Hello? Earth to Wade! Are you listening?"

"You think his brain melted or something? It'd be even better if he lost his ability to talk"

She lightly flicked him in the head and he snapped back into reality.

"Jeez, for a guy that was watching you for about an hour you'd think he'd be satisfied with that."

"Pfft. Quite the opposite redhead" he walked along side them as they headed out. "I will _ne-ver_ get enough of that. I'm more obsessed with breasts and thighs than any man you've ever met" he replied as he pushed paparazzi out of the way and glared at them so that they would know better than to get any closer.

"God, you have the mind of a 13 year old boy" Willow shook her head.

"Thanks" he smiled. "But I gotta tell you, there are some perks to this job other than the cash. Uh, like those. Seriously though, sweetheart, the camera is in love with you" he said "and so am I" he sighed dreamily. Jess simple rolled her eyes.

His eyes traveled down to the petite girl walking a step ahead of him. From his tall stature, he could get a nice top view of his 2 favorite fluffy mounds of warm flesh that were sadly hidden away by her shirt. She tried to cover her laughter and shook her head in silent embarrassment.

_'Just keep this relationship based on pure business and nothing more'_ she thought to herself. _'Don't let your feelings overpower you. Guys will always flirt. It's just out of habit. It's not supposed to mean anything.'_

During the noisy bickering between Willow and Wade, plus the annoying shouts of the paparazzi and the undying buzzing of cameras clicking, she made her way into the car.

"And that's the problem" she quietly muttered, suddenly realizing how much she hated men. "it'll never mean anything to them."


	14. Chapter 14

"I haven't done this in months" Jess groaned out.

Vanessa laughed as she helped keep Jess' leg up while she was on the reformer. "Well you're definitely gunna feel this tomorrow"

"ahhh" she groaned out in pain. She tried to not show too much of a hideous face when she pulled her leg out for another stretch.

"You feel how your abs work, and your glutes?"

"Yeah" Jess sighed out. "Annd my vagina" she quietly muttered

Vanessa laughed again. "You're doing great, just a couple more and we'll move onto your stomach".

"Ooh, fuck" she sighed out.

"Okay, good, you're almost done! 5, 4….3!..2!..annnnd 1"

Jess wiggled her foot out of the strap and she rolled onto her tummy.

"okay Jess we'll rest later, let's just jump right into the next exercise, c'mon girl!"

"ugh, you have no pity for me right now"

"Well do you wanna stay here all day or do you just wanna get it over with quick?"

After some silence, she sighed. "fiii-nuh".

"Okay you're gunna raise your bum up in the air and just let the mat slide with your body…yup, that's it Jess, make your body form into an upside down V".

"Ow,ow,ow,ow,ow,ow! Holy fuuuuck" she quietly moaned out. Jess could feel the soreness in her butt and legs as she did another. "Wade please stop looking at me!" she snapped out in annoyance.

"Ilovemyjobilovemyjobilovemyjobilovemyjob!"

_[Boner, officially engaged]_

_Rrrrrrrrr!_

_[in case you don't know readers, that was supposed to be a seductive purr]_

"They know! Now s-t-f-u and just watch!"

"Kay Jess, finish strong with these last few and we're done for the day" Vanessa smiled as she straightened out Jess's posture again. "Okay, 5, 4, 3, 2….2 ½, annnnnndd! -"

"Vanessa you're holding out on purpose!"

"Hahaha okay, okay, and 1! Wooo you're finished!" she clapped in congrats.

"Ugh, that was flippin hard, but I feel better now" Jess got up and stretched her arms over her head. "Thanks again Vanessa, I'll call you for another session".

After hugging and saying goodbye, she joined Wade who was watching her with such a love sick puppy dog look that she simply didn't have enough energy to laugh and just wiggled her index finger to tell him to follow her. He certainly didn't show much restraint, especially when he was still mesmerized with watching her little workout.

"When's your next workout sesh?" his voice purred from behind her.

She adjusted her bag and held the door open for the both of them that led them to the parking lot. "Oh, maybe in a couple of days. Not really sure yet. Why do you ask?"

Before she could let him reply, she winced in pain and rubbed her butt "Argh, I think I just broke my ass"

"Don't worry toots, I'm really good with my hands; I could give you a message later. For you, I won't charge" he said, his voice continuing to sound hot and dripping with blind lust. Jess could feel his cheek rubbing against her cheek like a kitten demanding attention and his big hands began rubbing her shoulders. Trying not to melt into the feeling of her shoulders unknotting, she gently patted her small hand against his big hand and slipped away from his grip.

"Hmm…sorry but I'll have to pass. Remember we still have that fundraiser to attend to later. Willow will have both of our asses if she left this afternoon only to find us not there at the dinner tonight" she said as she jumped in the passenger seat while he was already in the driver's seat.

"Offer will always be on the table babe"

She smiled as she looked out the window. 'I'm sure it will be'

Knowing which roads and freeways to take to drive back to Jess's house, Wade began swerving through traffic and finally got out of the city. With the sun beginning to hide behind the clouds and Jess resting her head back and letting the wind run through her hair, she felt more relaxed.

"So…" she turned her head to him. "Not to pry or anything, but who else have you been a bodyguard for?"

"Some blondie singer. Her stage name was Dazzler. You heard of her?"

"Actually, yes." she smiled "Her real name's Alison right? I don't listen to a lot of disco but her performances are awesome"

"yeah, well, she's the only one I've ever really been a bodyguard for. But before that I -"

_[don't tell her that!]_

_(why not?)_

_[She'll be mortified if you tell her you're a mercenary]_

_(Hey, we're not bad!)_

_Yeah, as Jessica Rabbit would say "We're just drawn that way"_

_[Shut up and be serious for a sec]_

"But before that youuu…?" she urged on.

"Before that I took jobs that involved only 2 things: blood, and lots of money. And it wasn't like some fancy blood donation thing" he laughed. He glanced over at her to watch her reaction. Oddly enough, she didn't look that bothered. Realizing she was being stared at, she turned to him. "Should probably keep your eyes on the road" she smiled awkwardly.

"What's wrong?"

"You know people would usually cringe at that"

"Has the fact that i haven't recoiled in disgust offend you?"

He thought about it. "well, I've been called a sex weirdo just for walking around wearing my suit sooo…. in a way, no. I'm just surprised. Usually people who meet me or know what I do don't take quite a liking to me. Usually they ignore me. Want nothing to do with me. Which i guess makes sense seeing as how i'm not the most trustworthy and honest person."

"Well I trust you"

He laughed. "and that's based on what? not killing you yet? For taking this job? Not that i will do this- unless you give me a good reason to- but i am more than capable of killing you faster than you could blink."

"No. Based on being able to see the good side of you. don't get me wrong, killing anyone for money is wrong, but i believe that everyone has a good side to them. People haven't given you a chance to show that you are more than what you put it out there"

Something that she said stabbed a part of him and he got a bit annoyed.

Maybe pity?

He didn't know how to respond so he just leaned towards what he did best: which was acting like a child.

"For your information i have been given a 'second chance" He replied smugly.

"Yeah? And what happened after that?"

All he could remember was Theresa jumping off his bed and packing her stuff to leave.

"...didn't exactly work out."

She looked at him before she looked back onto the driveway that was leading them to her house.

"Even though you might've thought that she was the one, she really wasn't. This girl- Theresa-whatever she did to you-"

"Okay look" he abruptly slammed on the brakes and looked at her square in the eyes. "Although I am getting paid to be around you and protect you and crap, let me make this clear: don't ask questions about my life, and i won't ask about yours even though i could probably read it on _People_ magazine."

Even though she wanted to start saying how stupid he was choosing to act, she scrunched her fists and decided to stay calm.

"Fine. But let me make this clear: I happen to like you. and I think that I can trust you because you've shown me without realizing that you are not this total cold hearted mercenary. I know that deep down you can be a good person even though you think you aren't. And you know what?" she said as she got out of the car and looked right at him with a smug smile plastered on her face. "Those are my own honest opinions about you and you can't do anything to change that." Before giving him a chance to respond, she slammed the door and walked up the stairs and into her house with complete confidence.

He quietly sat in the car for a few minutes, still trying to process what just happened.

_(Hahaha! you just got your ass served by a GIRL!)_

_[Idiot. you're him too]_

_(Shut up! i am my own person and you know what? those are my own honest opinions and you can't do anything to change that!)_

_Shut. The. Fuck. Up._

_(...I'm scared.)_

_[Next scene please!]_

*BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP* *we are experiencing some technical difficulties*

* * *

_(Ah fuck why'd you have to say anything?!)_

_[I didn't know this was gonna happen!]_

_(Can't we just go back to the last scene? AHHH NO, STOP HER! NOOOOOO, I WANNA LIIIIIVEEEE!)_

_SHUT UP!_

"You mean i have to wear a suit for the whole evening? What's wrong with wearing what I usually wear?"

"Suck it up buttercup. We both have to have to get dressed up. Now your suit's on the bed waiting for you. I'll be in my room getting dressed too."

"I'm not wearing it"

"Yes you are" she said simply and calmly.

"Nuh-uh"

"Yea-huh"

"Nuh-uh"

"Yea you are"

"No"

"Yea"

"No"

"Yea"

"No!"

"Yea"

"No!"

"No"

"Yea I am!"

"Ha I got you!" she giggled.

Not bothering to argue with him any further she slipped away from him and had already dashed up the stairs before he could complain any further. He stood there in silence, dumbfounded and still processing what he had accidentally agreed to.

"Y'KNOW JUST BECAUSE YOU RAN AWAY FROM ME JUST NOW DOESN'T MEAN YOU WON THIS! I'M NOT WEARING THAT THING, PERIOD!" he yelled, stomping his foot to emphasize his final say in it.

* * *

Already in her formal dress, she smiled as she watched Wade come to meet her in the living room, grumpily messing around with the collar. Even if he was staring at her like a cat glaring at their owner for washing it, she had to admit, Wade looked good in a suit.

"I didn't sign up for this" he muttered as he stared at himself in the mirror. Without saying a word, she went up to him. She tugged on his sleeve and he turned to her.

"What?" he said as he looked down at her, his tone a bit pissy but still trying to remain calm.

"Turn to me" she said quietly. Reluctantly, Wade turned to her. She got on her tippy toes and reached up to his collar, adjusting his tie to hide the knot that was sloppily made. She could still sense the tension in the air and how pissed off he still was; possibly about her bringing up Theresa and probably about the suit as well.

She sighed. "Look I'm sorry that I brought up a sore subject when we were in the car. i didn't mean to hurt you or anything. If it's any consolation, you are free to ask me anything about my life. Even if it is super personal. I give you a free pass."

"Hn"

"Wade, can't you ever forgive me?" she whimpered as she showed her genuine guilty puppy dog look.

He looked down at her, glaring at her for making him wanting to give in. Finally after envisioning himself having the upper hand and asking the most personal questions that she would have to answer in the near future, he answered her.

"..Fine"

"Thank you" she smiled. "By the way, you look pretty good in that" she said as she walked over to the full length mirror. 'Even if he is still wearing the whole red suit underneath'

"Thanks. You don't look too bad yourself" he grinned

"You don't think it's too much? i always hate going to these things cuz i never know if I'm going overboard. But guessing from the previous parties Mr. Harvey has held at his place, i can only guess it's going to be filled with expensive gorgeous looking women"

Wade was only half listening to her. His eyes glued themselves to her dark messy thick chestnut hair and how well it matched with her caramel skin. Her body looked killer in that tight one piece red dress.

"Those women are gunna have to have a tighter leash on their husbands when they see you" his voice sounded hot and from what she could see through his mask, that was only half of what he wanted to say.

_(Good god would you look at her tits! LIKE, WHAT THE FUCK!)_

_ Huguhuhuhhurrrghhhh _

_[Hands off]_

_(And we had our hands on those)_

_I've never been driven to go along with a fanfic than right now  
_

"But what if one does get off of their leash?"

He smirked at her through the mirror. "Then I pound them into the most creative shaped piece of crap."

"Now, now, i want you to play nice. Remember we're guests and i need to remain present until my performance is over"

"Performance? You mean you were invited to sing at his dinner whatever?"

"Yes…" she replied. "And partially because he honestly wanted me there." she murmured.

He obviously didn't hear the last part because all he said was "So is this guy like, Gandalf old or like Tony Stark old"

"Tony Stark old. I think he's mid-late 20's? he might look all cool and suave, but he acts-"

"Like a pig?"

"...I wouldn't put it that way.." she replied simply.

She took off her glasses and started rummaging through her small purse for her contacts. When she found it, she placed it on the small table beside her and twisted the caps off and leaned closer to her reflection, getting ready to put the contacts in. She stopped when she caught a glance at Wade who was still looking at her with the utmost interest.

"Uhm, not to sound rude in any way, but do you miiind?" she half laughed.

"No" he said dazed.

She shook her head in amusement. She continued with putting on her contacts.

Right on cue she heard the doorbell ring.

"That must be them." She said as she put in her other contact. She quickly grabbed her purse and trench coat. "Well, ready to have some fun?"

"Fuck yea! So is this party gunna be all Great Gatsby cuz if it is, I might be up in there doin the tootsie roll! Yup, what you're about to see might completely blow you away. I've been working on some new dance moves. It's a combination of Jujitsu, Krav Maga! Aztec warfare! and- _Kruuumpinnn!'" _he sang

"Wade, I swear sometimes i feel like i hired more of a child than an actual bodyguard to keep me safe"


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's Notes: might wanna play _Karl X Johan- Flames_ for this :D The video is so weird. But at the same time, really pretty. Anyways, as Tina from _Bob's Burgers_ once said, "...let's make this kitty purr"**

* * *

"Holy shiiit this is like the Great Gatsby!"

They stepped onto the grounds and saw thousands of cars pouring out people that ran into the mansion, eager to dance and party till the early morning. When they walked in they entered a hallway and were met with another couple of hundred people. Finally they reached the main entrance and the room was packed full of people laughing, dancing, and stumbling over each other from the countless amounts of liquor that was provided. Aerialists hung from above, streamers hung every which way, balloons were let go and floated up to a ceiling that seemed to almost be nonexistent from the mirror that was built in. The tempo of the party changed sharply, the morals were looser, the liquor was limitless and the bass pounded each wall till the glasses and the floor itself shook.

"Lets hurry and get the-"

"FOOOOOOOODDDDDD!"

Suddenly he grabbed Jess's hand and bulldozed through the crowd.

While Wade munched on everything-and sometimes spit out things in disgust- Jess stood next to him, wanting to laugh but stood there feeling slightly embarrassed.

"I see that paycheck i gave to him in advance is _really _motivating him to do his job"

Jess turned to see Willow standing beside her, looking awfully annoyed. Willow's flaming red hair was curled and she wore a ¾ sleeved sparkly dress.

"Haha, well this is a party, so why can't we have a bit of fun? You just need to relax-Wade stop trying to steal that lady's food!" she turned to Willow and hugged her "You look beautiful by the way"

"Well anyways," Willow said in mild disgust as she watched him vacuum up the whole damn buffet "you should probably go say hello to Mr. Harvey. He's been asking for you since he saw me arrive"

"Gotcha" she replied. "Wade...Wade! WADE!" she tugged harshly at his arm

"Whamph?" he gargurled through mouthfuls of food.

She clicked her head sideways to tell him to follow her and started walking around the enormous room to find him.

Trying to get past the overly crowded room that had a swimming pool in the middle where you could step on this little walkway and stand in the centre, she pushed and slipped through the people and made her way up the stairs that was nearest to her.

When she got to the top she leaned against the balcony's railing and scanned over the sea of faces to find Mr. Harvey. Unfortunately he was nowhere to be seen so she continued on and went into through the doors that lead to the inside of his house.

She went through many hallways, seen many of his priceless pictures and artwork and other knick knacks that were probably kept for sentimental reasons. She past many extravagant and grand windows; and like walking from the city to the countryside, there became fewer people and less streamers, broken wine bottles, and forgotten clothing that lay on the floor.

Gradually, her pace became much slower and she came to a stop. Nothing moved, nothing stirred, and there was no other sound other than her quiet breathing and the ticking of a clock.

"I'm lost" she finally admitted to herself.

She sighed in defeat and walked over to a chair that sat beside a hallway mirror. She settled into the chair and leaned down to put her head into her hands. She felt like if she went any further she would only become even more lost in his illustrious castle.

In that unsettling but safe silence, from the corner of her eye, she saw something glitter. Something shined through the half opened doorway across from where she was sitting.

Wonder what's in there? She thought. She took off her heels and walked over to the door, carrying her shoes by the straps.

Very gently, she pushed the door open just enough for her to let her body slide through.

"My god" she whispered.

When she walked in, she was welcomed to a beautiful gigantic dance hall.

"Every room and hallway looks like it was modeled after the Sistine Chapel"

Gentle but warm wind wisped through the gigantic line of glass doors, blowing the long white curtains. The large bouquets of flowers that were placed all over the room caused loose petals to fall off and flow along the marble floor.

"So that's what it was" she looked up and saw a fairly big chandelier hanging from the ceiling, creating the same sort of glimmering shine that caught her eye. She walked around, admiring the flowers and inhaling their sweet scent and eventually she stood in the center of the room, not really sure what to do next.

"Hello" she said a bit loudly, testing out if her voice was echoing.

"Hello" her voice echoed back.

"ECHO!" she called out

"ECHO!" her voice bounced off the walls to reply to her.

"ECH-"

"Hey" a low voice replied

A short scream emitted from her throat and she quickly whipped around, frightened of hearing another voice. She saw a dark tall figure standing in the shadows, where the door was.

"Don't be frightened Jessica, it's only me"

A tall, handsome man with jet black hair and black eyes emerged.

"Mr. Harvey!"

"Please, Jessica, we're on first name basis here, I've told you many times to call me Christian"

"Sorry 'bout that, I keep forgetting" she smiled.

"So you're here" he said as he walked over to her.

"Yup, I am" she laughed awkwardly. All too soon the conversation kinda ended. Both could hear the background music and the loud laughter and hollering. Soon, they could hear percussion instruments begin to play and it created a slow, soft melody.

"You look breathtaking as usual"

"Thanks Christian, you look pretty good as well. Not that you never do i mean- uh, um-Well, it feels like it's been forever since I've seen you but you always look so well. How old are you by the way?"

"25" he replied while he took the advantage of her being distracted and started taking her into his arms and started to lead her into a sway. She didn't mind though, it would be rude to refuse. "Well in about...couple of weeks. You should come by then, we can hang out for the afternoon, then have dinner, maybe-"

"...you mean a date?"

"Yup- No, I mean no! I-It's just hanging out" his right hand that was tightly wrapped around her waist shifted a bit. "Just as friends" he murmured, hiding his annoyed look on his face.

"Oh...well, sure, sure! I'd love to!"

"I'll call you and we'll figure out a time and day. So how have you been doing?"

"I've been doing well...um, I just did a music video and a photo shoot"

"What about those stalkers that you've been getting? Have they stopped or just gotten worse?"

"Well Willow hired a bodyguard so hopefully it'll help"

"Bodyguard? So it's really gotten that bad huh? Is he here?"

"Yes, he is. He's supposed to be with me right now but I'm sure he's still back there...possibly trying to find me."

"Well, just be careful anyways."

"Well I know now not to walk through super crowded places, especially in New Jersey. Anyways, please don't worry about me. I know better now and I promise i'll be more careful"

"You better. I don't like you living by yourself out in the country"

"Christian I'll be fine out there. Please," she reassured him and touched the side of his cheek "don't worry"

His hand came up to grip hers and he looked straight into her eyes. His eyes became more focused and she felt that she had accidentally turned on the wrong switch.

_'Y'know, sometimes i can be a real idiot'_ she thought.

"nnnot to ruin this lovey dovey moment buuuuut i guess i want to...and just did"

Both of them jolted and their heads turned to find Deadpool standing at the doorway looking a bit tense and-to say the least- annoyed.

She slipped her hand away from him and they separated from each other. Jess felt somewhat awkward; not because she felt that she was caught doing something wrong- or she was...two timing- but because he could not have come at a better time. She walked over to Wade, trying to forget about what almost happened.

"This is your bodyguard Jess?" Christian followed behind her, his tone sounded almost similar to Wade's.

"Yeah. Wade, Mr. Harvey. Mr. Harvey, Wade" she introduced.

Deadpool slowly walked over, and both men stood there, giving the other a quick once over.

_'Jeez why don't they just sniff each other butts and start snapping at each other?'_ she thought.

"Nice to meet you Wade" Christian finally said as he offered his hand to him

"...Er, sure. Nice to meetcha too. So like, do you usually hide in shadowy places in order to talk to women or is that just the inner Edward Cullen inside you?"

"Um, I don't really know what you're talking about"

"Well I noticed that you were kinda creeping her when she started to get lost and-"

"I wasn't creeping her. I happened to be down the hall in my study when I heard someone. I didn't know who it was so I decided to go look"

"Sure, dude; whatever you say. Annnyways, I'm just here to keep an eye on her."

He nodded. "Well, i guess we should be going. I haven't be able to walk around and meet some of the people here" he offered his arm to her and quickly putting her heels back on, she entwined hers with his.

While they begin walking together, Christian took a glance back at Wade, disinterested; but from how he looked at him Wade could tell that there was something about that look that was just pissing him off. He watched as Christian tightened his hold on her and brought her closer.

Although Wade wouldn't love to just beat the shit out of that smug little pretty boy in front of her, he continued to follow them with a tightly closed mouth. His eye began twitching from how much he had to watch the little squidget flirt with her.

He took off his jacket and dragged it along the floor, not bothering to carry it properly. He rubbed his neck and tried to get rid of the painful feeling that was aching at his neck.

_(You're such a pussy)_

_Shut the fuck up_

_(All of us agree that you are being a pussy. Even Bea is shaking her head in disappointment from how moody you've been acting lately)_

_[What is your problem anyways?]_

_Nothing._

_(What are you, a dog? You're gunna sulk about her not paying attention to you? Ooo poor little Wade not being center of attention! You do realize that it's like what Willow said: she would never give you a second glance or the time of day for a psycho like you. You're just a chew toy for everyone to use.)_

_[The only reason why you're being mean is because you feel the exact same way about all this. I mean the only one that is being the biggest whiny bitcher is you so just shut up and calm down]_

_I'm not sulking about that. In fact i'd rather be at my cozy rat infested house in the gutters of New York than be in this shit mansion. _

_(...Seriously though, what are you going to do?)_

_...nothing. That's the only plan i have: Just. Do. Nothing._

_(That's the worst plan I've ever heard)_

_Well what do you want me to do huh? Do you have a fucking genius plan?_

_[...i don't know why this being talked about. There is no plan. Just a job to do. Once this year is over, we're getting our money and leaving. We're here for business. This isn't fucking Eharmony]_

_Or Christian Mingle._

_[You're not even a Christian how would that even work?]_

_I don't know: maybe wear a long white wig, old librarian glasses, and long Gandalf beard and wear a robe?_

_(Spouting "you shall not paaaass!")_

_L-O-L_

_[that's called being a wizard]_

* * *

**Author's Notes: ****_Woah, ho,ho! DP's gettin all jealous girlfriend. But really, they hardly know each other! _*****perverse laughter* But soon...soon! I, the evil (already-in-my-4th-year-of-high-school) crappy writer of this fanfic will begin the twisted, lemon-y lemon stuff that Ya'll have been waiting for!...**

**..more like I've been waiting for.** *_awkward silence* _

**...*runs away* **


	16. Chapter 16

After Christian walked around with her and introduced her to some of his business partners, she was able to excuse herself from his circle of friends.

She walked through the crowd with Wade still following after her.

"Where are we going?" he yelled at her through the music and hollering

"Somewhere quiet, it's way too noisy. Now c'mon, hurry it up" she replied and reached back for his hand.

He took it and the two went outside, past the other massive groups of people, went through the large courtyard and went down to the small forest that was behind the mansion.

"Woow this place is beautiful" she said as looked around. The forest had a blue glow to it and with the fireflies that settled around the ground almost made her feel like she was at her own house.

She was so captivated with the stars that painted the night sky and the warm wind that kissed her cheek that eventually Wade cleared his throat loud enough for her to jump and turn to him.

"Sorry" she murmured as she quickly snatched her hand away from his. She continued to walk around and eventually went through the curtains of a weeping willow.

_[Well go on]_

_What?_

_(Go follow her)_

He took one step and hesitated. He stood there for a second, not exactly sure if he should go.

_(GO before i make you!)_

Finally, before he was gunna make his head hurt even more with how much he was thinking, he marched over and went through the curtain. She was seated on a tree stump, her eyes closed and her head leaned back onto the great tree.

"As much as I hate mosquitoes, I really do love the countryside "she said quietly with her eyes still closed.

"Really? I'm the exact opposite I hate the country" he said with brutal honesty. He walked over to her and sat on the ground. A small amused smile appeared on her lips.

"Did you grow up in the city?"

"...yea. At least I think so"

"What do you mean you think so? You can't remember?"

"Well there is this one memory that makes me think i grew up there. I remember being dragged out of a club one night by my dad"

"Do you ever talk to your parents? Y'know, just to check up on them and see how they're doing?"

"They're dead"

"I'm sorry" she replied with genuine sympathy, trying not to smack herself from being so stupid.

"Meh, doesn't matter. Though I'm sure if i called them now they would have to pay for that bill. It's pretty expensive, long distance calls"

_(expecially from hell)_

"Well, mine are too" She replied. "At least I think they are. I've been an orphan since birth. I don't know where they are"

"Did you ever find out who they were?" he asked as he pulled out the grass.

"No. Never knew them. For a while i was determined to find out that they were but after a while of asking and asking and them always finding a way to avoid the question, i just dropped it. I guess it's better that I don't know." She laughed "I always tell myself that, but if I could meet them, I would"

"Who's 'them'?"

"The foster parents I had"

"Who were your foster parents?"

"Alex and Hailey Michaelis"

"Why would you want to see your real parents if they-"

"And I know what you're going to say. But even though they left me I still would want to meet them. I mean isn't that what every child wants, to be with their real parents, even if it's for a few minutes. They're your parents, your family"

Silence grew. She could hear the chirping of crickets and the soft grass rustling.

"You wouldn't?" she opened her eyes and looked down at him.

"Nope" he said simply. Without realizing his grip on the grass got tighter and he started tugging the roots out harder.

she got up and sat down on the grass with him. "So, Wade, where are you from?"

"Canada. Where the only means of transportation is riding a polar bear and we can live on bacon and maple syrup for about 11 months. Then in that one month of summer we have lots of beer to get drunk on till the next winter. Though it takes a hell of a lot more to get me drunk, on account of my healing factor"

"Healing factor?"

"Yeah. I'm able to heal from anything; bullets, slashes, puncture wounds, even beheading. Anything that has been cut off of me I can grow it back" he said, pride slightly showing in his tone.

"Then what's with the scars?"

_[i told you to cover yourself with the mask before you slept!]_

_(Opsie daisy!)_

Although she could only make out so much of his facial expressions, she could tell by his restrained shifting that she, once again, touched a nerve.

"Kinda the price I had to pay for that"

"So ultimately you can't die" she concluded. _'You can't find someone to grow old with, can't exactly leave what you've been doing your whole life, can't even move away to settle down. Just reliving the chaos, the loneliness, every day'_

He thought about Death for a second, and quickly pushed her back into his mind.

"..Yeah. But let's just skip the whole pity thing and move on"

_Hear that author? SKIP THE PITY SCENE._

_[She gets it]_

She sat there, wanting to show her sympathy. Instead she could only sit beside him in silence. Finally when she was sure her voice wouldn't crack, she said something.

"What time is it?" her voice was dry and quiet.

"10:14"

"We better head back"

Suddenly a chill came over her and she sat up, rubbing her arms to keep herself warm.

"Wade?"

"What?"

She looked down at his hands.

"What are you doing? There's no more grass and you're just digging your fingers into dirt now"

_(Trying to dig a hole to China!)_

"Trying to dig a hole to China- No, actually, Japan cuz China is sooo 5 minutes ago. So what song are you singing?"

"Can't tell, it's a surprise"

Before she could say any more, she could hear Christian calling her name.

"We better go"


	17. Psychopathic groupies

Once again, the two were surrounded by the heavy bass and cheering. Willow met up with them and they were standing amongst the crowds near the pool. Wade stood behind her and Willow was beside her.

While Christian stopped the music and introduce her to all his guests, her anxiety had come back and she felt sudden doubt and fear flood her heart.

"I- I can't do this"

"What?" Wade and Willow said in unison.

"I don't want to sing. Not in front of all these people"

"Shit, not again" Willow whispered.

"What are you talking about you've done this before haven't you? Remember the best way to get rid of fear is to picture everyone naked!"

"What? What kind of advice is that!?"

She could hear Christian calling her name and the audience began clapping. The lights dimmed cueing her time to perform.

"C'mon Jess!" Willow exclaimed as she took her hand and guided her to the pool.

"Wait, no! Wade I can't do this!" she panicked and grabbed onto the closest thing near her, which happened to be Wade. With surprisingly monster strength, Wade started to stumble.

"What the heck! Jessica let go I can't go with you!" he whispered to her.

"Jess calm down, i promise we'll be standing near you so let go of him!"

"Here, take this" before she could protest, Wade grabbed his whiskey bottle that was in one of his pouches and made her drink all of it. She choked and gagged on it but with a small push from Wade she walked on the centre aisle of the pool meeting Christian, who gave her a small peck on the cheek and left her there to start.

Not exactly sure on how to respond, Willow just glared at him in which he just shrugged.

Almost too soon she felt light headed and her whole body felt tingly and loose. She began feeling better- silly, but she felt much more comfortable.

"Heyy guys," she said as she began adjusting the mic. The crowd cheered and the sound buzzed in her ears. "Well this song is new, so you guys are gunna be the first to hear it and- yeah, hopefully you'll like it"

The crowd once again responded in cheering and whistling. She heard the music start and her vision had gone blurry. Suddenly the stage lit up and several men eagerly howled and whistled...none could blame them. She closed her eyes and began.

_"I've seen the world_

_Done it all_

_Had my cake now_

_Diamonds, brilliant_

_And Bel Air now_

_Hot summer nights, mid July_

_When you and I were forever wild_

_The crazy days, city lights_

_The way you'd play with me like a child"_

"I'm guessing from how much she is straining to not stumble she's never been drunk before" Wade asked.

"No, she does drink just not as frequently. But truthfully it's better to get her a little buzzed before a performance. She's much happier and relaxed when she's drunk"

Her dark skin was illuminated by the lights that shone down on her, giving it a warm glow. Every man burned the image of her beauty into their minds as well as how her off-the-shoulder-long sleeved red dress accentuated her lovely curves. Her hair, which Wade had assumed first was a plain brown, actually was shining red, and some strands dipped between and over her dark black eyes.

_"I've seen the world, lit it up_

_As my stage now_

_Channeling angels in the new age now_

_Hot summer days, rock 'n' roll_

_The way you play for me at your show_

_And all the ways I got to know_

_Your pretty face and electric soul"_

She walked the aisle and looked back at the orchestra, her eyes concentrating on the violins that played each string and note in unison.

_"Will you still love me_

_When I'm no longer young and beautiful?_

_Will you still love me_

_When I got nothing but my aching soul?_

_I know you will, I know you will_

_I know that you will_

_Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?_

_Dear lord, when I get to heaven_

_Please let me bring my man_

_When he comes tell me that you'll let him in_

_Father tell me if you can_

_Oh that grace, oh that body_

_Oh that face makes me wanna party_

_He's my sun, he makes me shine like diamonds"_

She ran her free hand through her hair and closed her eyes again, focusing on making her voice even and smooth.

_"Will you still love me_

_When I'm no longer young and beautiful?_

_Will you still love me_

_When I got nothing but my aching soul?_

_I know you will, I know you will_

_I know that you will_

_Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?_

_Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?_

_Will you still love me when I'm not young and beautiful?"_

The lights dimmed again and she vanished. In that millisecond of silence Wade let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. Time and sound had resumed again. While everyone was applauding and raising their glasses, the spotlight had returned on her and Wade could see that she was smiling and bowing. Without waiting for Willow, he used his teleporter and appeared beside her.

"Ready to blow this Popsicle stand?" he said as he offered his hand to her.

"That sounds so wrong...What? Don't look at me that way, what do you expect when you've been hanging around the awesome Wade Wilson who's been cracking dirty jokes since the day we met"

Still feeling light headed, she wrapped her arm through his and rested her head on him as they both walked.

"Wade can you take me home?" she asked as she groggily walked with him and leaned on him for support.

"Sure, i'll get you home"

After that Wade walked in silence. He didn't dare move too much or ruin how nice it felt to be close to her.

_(Enjoying this?)_

_Yup._

_(haha me too!)_

_It's deadpoolicious_

_[That should totally be band]_

_(I know right? We should have like auditions and make it into a stupid reality show with all the contestants living together)_

_Have some drama start up in that bitch_

_[Let someone get on there named LAQUACIOUS]_

_(Who's that?)_

_Ludicrous' sister?_

_[Yeah, just let D list celebs-]_

_(No they should be A listers! They're part of our band so they should be awesome)_

_[No man, D list]_

_(A list)_

_[D list!]_

_(A LIST!) _

_[Y'know what, FORGET IT! I'm not having this argument again so just get her home and quietly motorboat her boobs and go the f*** to sleep]_

_Hey that's my favorite book; a classic really. Up there with Kite Runner and my new Marvel Now! Series Dead presidents._

_(Product placement!)_

"Ding!"

_[You might wanna focus, she is drunk]_

Deadpool looked around him and realized she was gone.

"Shit, where'd she go? Oh gracious, I've lost my child!"

_[That was the worst southern accent I've ever heard]_

_(This isn't going to turn into Home Alone 2 right?)_

"No. And that was the worst movie reference ever"

_[yeah, like that made no fucking sense]_

_(...You don't get it? Cuz like the parents lose Kevin and he gets all lost and-ugh, forget it. You ruined my joke!) _

_[oh. but still, you totally put too much effort into it. Or too little..]_

_(No, it was a good joke! it just went over your head)_

"Both of you shut up. Now, to find the little chikita"

After looking in the most inappropriate places- like the roof, inside a teapot and underneath a girl's dress- he spotted her out in the driveway a few meters away silently swatting at a bush.

"Dammit- will you get over here!"

_(Now, I ain't no big city whatever, but i know her name is not dammit)_

_[That was a horrible southern accent]_

He scooped her up to make sure she wouldn't run off again and looked at the all the cars lined up.

_Aw now what, how do we get home?_

"Can I just jack a car?"

"Over here!" Willow waved him over and he rushed over, putting Jessica in the back seat and himself in the passenger seat. Just when they were able to leave Christian ran up to the driver's window stopping them from making their quick getaway.

"Hey, is Jess leaving now? Why don't you guys stay a little longer?" he asked.

"Sorry Christian, Jess is not feeling great right now. But I'll make sure that she gets better and she'll be in touch with you soon"

After a while of him trying to persuade them to stay and Deadpool mustering every bit of strength he had to _not_ shoot him in the balls –if he even had any- Christian finally nodded in reluctant acceptance and bid them a good night. Just when they were driving off, Deadpool couldn't help but laugh and waved out the window to Christian and his stupid gorgeous looking face.

"As Mr. Chow would say, 'So long gay boys!' " Deadpool yelled out

Willow nudged him while her eyes were focused on the road. "Check on Jess, she hasn't made a sound in a while"

A glint of mischief sparkled in his eyes and he sneaked a peek in the back.

_Fuck, it's too dark. I can't see her from here._

_(Then go back there)_

He shifted himself so that he was sitting backwards on the passenger's seat and started to crawl over.

"Hey! Watch where you're pointing that thing!" Will said as she focused on driving while trying to avoid his butt.

"OOPSIE DAISEY!" he said as he shoved himself over the seat.

"Jess" he said as his hands wandered around aimlessly. Finally his gloved hands felt something. Before he could figure out what it was, two pairs of hands grabbed his and yanked him forward

"Oof!" he choked out as his face collided with something. He found himself squeezed right against Jess. Her arms were completely wound around his neck and her legs wrapped themselves around his waist- well, more like his torso. Despite how crowded it was, he was pretty comfortable.

"Note to self" he said out loud "Get her drunk more often"

_[You sound like you belong on "How to catch a predator"] _

_(...that's not how I want to meet Chris Hanson D:) _

He tried to move a little further away from her but her grip suddenly got tight again

"Pools, stop str-uglling, just shuut up and-"She yawned and snuggled her head in his neck "just be my pillow"

After an awkward silence, he could feel her breathing became slower.

"Night, 'poolie"

He continued to lay there. Even though he was being used as a pillow, he didn't mind one bit. His body began relaxing, and he closed his eyes. Once again his mind couldn't help but think how well her body fit to his. If anything, she was more of the pillow to his body than he was to her. His hands shifted, wanting to wrap around her soft figure. But he dared not try; he didn't want to ruin this opportunity of being able to do this.

"What's going on back there? I hear lots of mumbling and sighing"

"Nothing you pervert, she's just sleeping" his voice sounded relaxed but had a touch of annoyance to it.

_(Watch, in the end, you'll just be friendzoned. Hahaha!)_

_That applies to you too jackass._

_(whaaa?! Seriously?)_

"We're almost there so don't get too comfortable" Willow replied

"mm" was all he said

Jessica, who was still thoroughly disoriented and feeling slightly excited and happy, dreamed about eating. Little did she know that her dreams were beginning to affect her actions, and her teeth found something to bite into. She began grazing the collarbone of her human pillow, who jumped at the sudden bite.

"Whoa, Jess you can't-"his grip on her tightened. He tried to make her stop but since he had the lust of a pervy 13 year old boy, he was doing a shitty job of refusing.

While Willow continued driving, she was beginning to notice a set of headlights behind her that had been there for a while. She had just begun to get off the highway and the car was still following her.

_[Wait, wait, wait!]_

_(Nooo! Don't do it! Remember the last time you got a stiffy in this suit? We literally had to go to the doctor's just to have him make it go back to normal. Remember how painful it was! Your body is a temple! YOUR BODY IS A TEMPLE!)_

Deadpool tilted her head up to see her face. With her leg draped over his waist, he was forcing himself not to close the last few remaining inches between their lips.

_Stupid woman with her stupid soft skin and stupid cute face and nice smelling hair and- _

To his disappointment, his small movements were enough to drowse her awake. Very lazily, she retracted her arms from around his neck and she turned over, ending their snuggling.

"No, wait, I wasn't done!" he quietly but sadly begged.

"Hey, Hey Wade! Get up and take a look at this"

With a mad huff, he shot one last glare at the brown haired girl and got up.

"Look, i don't know if it's just me, but there's this car that's been behind us for a while now. It's weird for him to be here especially since her house is pretty far out into the country and taking this route only leads to her house"

Wade looked a bit disconcerted. Before he could look behind him a sharp shooting explosion came from the back window and through the front while cutting his cheek. A scream emitted from Willow and the car began to swerve. All at once, Deadpool jumped for the wheel and was already pulling out his prized little shiny babies (D-Poolie and D-Poolie Jr), and began shooting at the idiot who thought today was a good day to piss him off.

"Willow, listen to me, keep driving. Drive like you're in a Mario kart race and don't let donkey kong get beside you or ahead of you. Also, be careful of any slippery banana peels; those can be a real bitch to clean off your wheels. OHH DAMN, DID YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE? JUST CALL ME THE NEXT DR. SEUSS!"

_[Seuss-pool sounds pretty cool]_

_(ain't no fool like Seuss pool!)_

_[Hey, don't be a negative nelly]_

Deadpool looked at her and even though Willow looked completely terrified, she nodded and kept her head low to avoid any bullets that could go through her head.

"Good!" he smiled and jumped over the two back seats.

_(careful, future Mrs. Wilson is still-)_

"Sleeping?" While he was imagining himself playing the super old school duck hunting game-the duck being the stupid idiot shooting at him- he looked over beside him and saw that she was out cold. He shrugged

"well at least she doesn't snore"

_[Meh, i have a feeling she's a kicker though]_

"My couch is more comfortable"

Deadpool continued shooting and reloading, and after being shot in the shoulder 5 times, seeing a crowbar be thrown at him only to miss him by several feet away, and a rubber chicken hitting his face, he soon grew tired of the game and jumped out of the car from the back window.

"SPYDER MONKIEEEE" he yelled as he landed on the hood of the other car. He did a somersault and made himself run straight through the window and tumbled gracefully into the back seat. With a twinkling glint of twisted revenge and joy, he turned to the asshole who ruined his snuggling sesh with-uh... what's-her-face…..

_[Jessica, it's Jessica you idiot!]_

Right, right, i was just checking if you knew.

_[yea right]_

With his gun stabbing the head of the driver,Deadpool started laughing like a psycho "MUAHAHAHA, I GOT YOU NOW YOU LITTLE BITC-wait…."

His eyes met the tearful scared expression of man in a yellow and green Hydra suit and a slightly less tearful expression of-well he couldn't really describe what the ugly creature looked like, but he knew it was Weasel.

"BOB? WEASEL? WHAT ARE YOU-"

Before they could say anything, he punched both of them on the head. Bob cried out in pain and Weasel just winced while rubbing his head.

" Mr. Wilson! You're alive! oh god- *sob* oh, i'm so glad!"

"Hey. We thought you were kidnapped so we-"

"SO WE PANICKED AND WE FINALLY FOUND YOU IN THAT CAR IN FRONT OF US SO-"

"-so YOU FOLLOWED ME?" Deadpool finished

the two men looked at each other, and after a moment of awkward silence, they just said

"Well, duh"

_[now, calm down. Remember, they're doing this out of-]_

_(love?)_

_[ehh...something like that]_

"ugh-I told you guys so many times i was leaving for an assignment. I'm getting a shit ton of money for this job and i'm not dealing with this now so i suggest you two make like a banana and split"

"So you're not in trouble or anything?"

"NO you idiot now stop this car so i can get out and walk 3 miles back to my beautiful future wife!" Deadpool yelled at the two as he watched the car in front of him disappear into the darkness.

Weasel drove to the curb and parked the car.

"Who is she?" Bob asked, a slight moody tone in his voice.

_Woah, jealous much Bob?_

_[Who knew bromance could be so beautiful]_

_(or creepy)_

"She's the apple of my eye, the cream to my coffee….the hot sauce to my Chimichanga" he ended dramatically.

"I didn't know you had a safe house out here"

"It's not a safe house, I'm just living at her house to keep an eye on her. Y'know, to keep her safe and stuff"

"Ohhh, so she's just part of the job. She's not actually going steady with you" Bob said, who creepily had a look of relief on his expression.

"...I...I don't even know what to say to that"

Off in the distance the three saw two headlights coming at them and Deadpool hopped out of the car. Knowing who it was, Deadpool trotted over to the driver's window and met Willow who still looked traumatized.

"Calm down, it was just a false alarm. Those two are-" He thought about the appropriate term "are my psychopathic groupies. They came after us cuz they thought i was being **kidnapped**" he turned to the two who quickly avoided his glare.

"I apologize for allowing my personal life to threaten Miss Paisley's life. It won't happen again" He finished, using his serious mature tone that often helped him keep a job. Willow on the other hand, was not exactly thrilled with what had happened and before she could chew him out, the two could hear Jessica in the background.

"Deadpool, hurry up and get in. I want to go home already" she quietly whined.

"But Jessica, he totally just-"

Suddenly they heard loud gagging followed with hurling.

Deadpool looked at Willow and with a frustrated sigh, Willow jabbed her thumb toward the passenger door. Without saying any more, he quickly got in. When they passed the other car, Deadpool directed his most coldest, psychopath stare toward his two friends and jabbed his finger at his eyes and then at the two. Not exactly sure what that meant but knew better, Bob and Weasel nodded furiously and quickly drove away, not wanting to stay near the mercenary any longer.

* * *

**Author's Note: Okay I honestly did not know what a groupie exactly ****_was_****, but now that i know I'm laughing my ass off right now. Well except for the fact that Bob might have some weird sexual attraction to DP. **

**That shit's nothing to laugh about...**

**okay, okay, it's a little funny xD **

**Anyway, I have lots of more chapters to upload, and i'm still writing out more chapters. *yawn* I'm still recovering from** **Deadpool's ****_The good, the bad and the ugly issue. _I literally cried my eyes out when i was reading that book. It did not help that when i went to Chapters, I could not refrain myself from reading it in public. So when that moment came up, I was shaking and sobbing while still trying to pretend like i wasn't crying. But let the records show that i did try to hold my feels back. **

**_**SPOILER-ish thing COMING NOW**_**

**_But fortuntely, for the people who are keeping up with the latest Deadpool comics, they knew that from now till April where he gets married, it will get better for our merc- at least i hope. From what i saw in the preview for April's issue, I kinda picked out some people that are already dead. So that alone makes me think that this is sadly another hallucination. *sigh* but it is good to have dreams, right?_**


	18. Verbal Agreements

**Author's Notes: oh god, it's 12:00 am and I'm nearly falling asleep. I need to stop doing this to myself. But for the sake of writing this, I will endure!**

**WARNING: they are going to play _Cards Against Humanity_, so it will be offensive!**

* * *

"Ugh, not again"

Jessica woke up on her bed. She huffed, suddenly feeling the sheets shifting and someone behind her.

"Wade, please get out of my bed" she grumbled, trying to hide herself from the sun that peeked through her curtains.

"Morning~" he purred, draping an arm over the curve of her hip and snuggling up closer to her.

She blushed at the contact but tried to keep her voice level.

"Do you not speak english? Get out" she groaned

"Noo..Noooo..I no speak english " he said in Consuela's voice. His grip on her tightened and he purred like a tiger as he snuggled his face into her hair.

she sighed in defeat "If you try anything, I'll kick you where the sun don't shine"

"Mmm, I love it when you talk dirty"

They sighed in unison and when she was finally getting back to sleep,

she felt something poking right on her behind.

the more she moved it started to get harder.

She squeaked and wiggled away from him as quick as she could

"Wha-what the hell Wade!"

"What!" he said as he got up.

"Y-Y-You can't just pop a-"

His hand pulled out the TV remote and she sat there, staring at the remote.

he threw it somewhere and flopped down back to bed.

"Pervert"

* * *

"I'm soo BOOoooOOred-uh! I thought this gig would be full of excitement and action" he whined.

Deadpool laid upside down on the large couch, occasionally challenging himself to do the most complex stances he could imagine and keeping himself still until he either fell off the thing or made himself get a charlie horse. After falling off 10 times, and getting 6 charlie horses in which Jessica fell on deaf ears on his silent calls for help, he finally got tired of it.

He looked over at Jessica, who was quietly eating a huge bowl of fruit while still keeping her eyes glued to whatever crap book she was reading. She sat adjacent to him, curling herself up on the loveseat. He huffed out in annoyance.

"Question: what was the most stupidest thing you ever did when you were a kid?"

she didn't answer.

"Heellloooo! Do your ears just switch off when you're reading?"

"..."

"YO, JP, I'm TALKING TO YOUUU"

She brought up a finger and he growled in annoyance. He was bored as hell and he needed some sort of entertainment other than TV.

"I swear, if you don't stop reading in 5 seconds, I'm going to pull that book away from you"

_5…_

_4…_

"I'm not joking around Jess"

_3.._

_2.._

_1-_

He lunged for her book but 1 millisecond quicker, she instantly snapped her book shut and hid it behind her.

she pulled her hood up and his eyes instantly met her eyes

"Sorry, kinda in the middle of a good part" she smiled sheepishly

"Did you hear what i said before?"

"...no."

"I said i was bored. Now lets do something _fun_…" he said in such a way that he knew would make her start flustering. He stared at her with predatory eyes and slowly sauntered over to her.

"-Let's do something that two consenting adults will most likely enjoy if not, will be completely pleasurable for both parties" he smiled, noticing her laughing nervously and her cheeks turning slightly pink.

"Wade- that's a little too close-ahh!" she said as she scrunched her eyes shut and put her hands over her face, waiting for him to do something. She didn't feel his touch, but she continued to hide her face, waiting for him to start teasing and pushing her around.

"Hakuna yo tatas, i'm over here"

she opened her eyes and saw that he was back where he was sitting, his legs propped up on the armchair and his whole body laying on the sofa with his arms behind his head. With an amused smirk on his face, she couldn't help but crack a smile that he knew was her way of saying that she hated him for making her want to laugh. Trying to hide her laughter that only made him smile wider. She sighed and shook her head, finally composing herself.

"C'mon, just laugh. Just give in woman" he smiled charmingly

"Alright...what is it?"

he chuckled. "I asked you what was the stupidest thing you ever did as a kid"

"Still using your free pass?"

"Whatta mean 'still'? I used it like, once. And you can't back out now, we had a verbal agreement"

she shrugged and smiled mockingly "Verbal agreement, right. But I could totally just say no and-"

"Wooow. I shoulda known you were going to do that. You suck"

"I'm kidding. Jeez…"

"Oh.."

She got her drink and started to get comfortable. She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. She just quickly closed it.

"...Okay, like, what do you mean when i was a kid?"

"ugh, Jessica, seriously!?" he whined loudly and let his head fall back on the armchair

"No, no, wait! Like, do you mean when i was a child or when I was a teenager? 'Cause i guarantee both were not as interesting as you would automatically assume"

"So you've never gotten in trouble" he said bluntly.

"Not really"

"Not even when you were a teenager? God, so I was right about you. You're just this innocent girl. Just living a monotone, and relatively "normal" life. I bet you even plan out your outfits the night before and organize your closet by colour"

She blinked and suddenly blushed in guilt "...You make that sound like it's a bad thing"

"Jesus…." he nearly laughed at how he was able to hit the nail on the head in one shot."Okay, since i'm still mentally trying to recover from that horrifying truth, next question: Invisibility or flight?"

"why-"

" Cause the Mighty Deadpoolio said so that's why, now hurry it up so we can move onto the next question- i actually thought of a really good one right now" he smiled evilly "ALSO, explanation is not necessary cause i know you'll turn my fun question into your own personal frickin essay with the whole damn full introduction and conclusion"

"ugh-...invisibility"

"...that's kinda pervy" he blinked at her

"wha-no it's not! How is that power-oh wait- _oh Wade, I don't mean it like that_! God, only guys would use it for that!"

he laughed. "Well, I'm sure you would use it for that once in a while" he envisioned her sneaking into the guy's locker room and laughing like a maniac while doing so "Like I said this morning, it's always the quiet,shy ones" he gave her a once over that she could only frown at him for.

For the next half hour, Deadpool asked her many questions- he called it "lightning round questions"- and almost every single one was either incredibly juvenile ("if 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, does that mean the fifth one enjoys it? ") or impossible to answer ("If you're in hell and get mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?") and by the time they had gotten into playing _Cards Against_ _Humanity_, she was in tears from laughing .

"hahahahaha!- That's not even funny" she sobbed, still breathing hard from laughing

"What are you talking about, i really dug deep for that one! " he laughed "Whatever, i deserve that point" he took both back his card and her card.

"that's-hahaha!- not even-oh god," she wiped a tear from her eyes and tried to calm down.

"Next one: The school trip was completely ruined by…." he looked through his cards and placed one on the table "TASTEFUL SIDEBOOB" he grinned

"...pooping out a perfect Cumberland sausage" she said as she put down her card

"...does it really say pooping? Wha- It says _shitting_!"

"What, it's the same thing! I didn't want to say that word"

"Yeah cuz that woulda made it sound _much_ classier" he rolled his eyes

"I want that point I haven't gotten one"

"NO. It's mine. It's a tasteful sideboob. You can't argue with that sideboob".

She quietly said "fine" and they moved on.

"Next: what gives me uncontrollable gas?"

"I have such dirty cards" she half laughed

"necrophilia." he finished

"...fingering"

He laughed while she covered her face in embarrassment.

"Fine, fine, you get a point" he chuckled "...that's so gross and awesome at the same time"

"During sex i like to think about…." he placed his card on the table and laughed "being a dick to children"

"That's horrible!"

"Show me your card"

"Tentacle porn" she slapped her card down proudly

"..." he stared at her and it wasn't until she noticed him staring that she started giggling again.

"What?"she smiled innocently

"And you're saying _i'm _horrible? God, it's funny hearing them from you cuz you normally don't say these things" he shook his head "Love your enthusiasm too" he teased

"my point?"

"Yup"

"Yes!" she cheered

"NEEXT: ( ) is a slippery slope that leads to ( ). I choose you! INCEST and DEAD PARENTS"

"Eww. Okay, my two are: Scrotum tickling and 2 midgets pooping into a bucket"

"hahahaha! Aw, you're getting good ones!"

"Thank you! So does that go to you or-"

"Let's just both get a point. Call it even"

"What's the most emo?" Deadpool read out loud. He looked at his cards and finally put one down "… 'a erectile dysfunction' " he giggled

"..."

"What? You've heard me say worse"

"No,no, it's not you! I just-

"Just show me already"

"...

...Puberty"

"that's very offensive Jessica" Deadpool whispered

"Whyyy!?" she whined.

"hahaha, i'm kiiiddding!"

"I had to choose that one. I have one last card and this is wayy too offensive."

"Didn't have the balls to use it yet."

"Nope."

"Well your plan kinda sucks anyway cuz you're gonna have to use it now" he said as he pulled pulled out a black card "Okay, last round: What will I bring back in time to convince people that I am a powerful wizard? I say 'being fabulous' and i'm going to add another-"

"Hey you can't!-"

"SPECTACULAR ABS . Cuz you know what, I AM fabulous and I do have spectacular abs." he said as he flexed for her.

Suddenly her phone buzzed and before he could snatch it, she grabbed her phone just in time.

"Who is that? You're boyfwend?" he mocked

"No" she laughed "You should know better than anyone that I don't have one. It's just Willow"

She answered and put it on speaker phone.

"Hey Willow" she said happily.

"Hey Jes-"

"YO, WILLOW, WHAT UP BUDDY?"

"Ugh- hi. Anyway, just want to let you know three things: one, you have a benefit to go to on Friday- and I'll just keep reminding you till then"

"Why don't you just-"

"Two, I was able to get into contact with the headboard of the Carnival of Rio de Janeiro-"

"Oh my god, Will, did you-"

"Yup! You're going to be a part of the Rio Carnival Festival!"

Jessica squealed in delight and without thinking, grabbed Deadpool and forced her lips on his, kissing him through his mask. When she let go, Deadpool fell back onto the rug and his eyes turned to the shape of hearts.

_(woah! Them lips are hot!)_

_[hot and sweet! DAAAYUM]_

_(purrr!)_

"Guh" he sputtered as he was left on the ground, dazed and melting into a puddle of happiness.

Jessica was too busy dancing around the living room and thanking Willow over and over again to realize Deadpool was on the ground.

"Me, you, Deadpool and the rest of your crew are leaving next Wednesday -cause i know you wanna see Camilla and the rest of the girls so you'll have a couple weeks to hang out with them and see your parents and shop a bit- and we'll be there well after March 4th" Willow replied happily. "So we're going to be a little busy after the benefit- we have to get your shots, do some shopping, pack your bags, get everything sorted out before we leave"

"Oh, Willow THANK YOUUU!"

Willow laughed "You're welcome, Jess. Just remember the benefit's on Monday. Oh, and make sure you have some songs to give to me so i can pass them onto the board so that we can make sure your performance will go how you want it to. I have to get going now so I'll see you tomorrow." Willow said. "Oh and Wade?"

"Er- Something went a little wrong with Wade. Think he passed out."

"For Rio?"

"Probably. Just tell me so I can pass it on to him"

"Just tell him that I got him an apartment. So he can move in whenever, whether tonight or tomorrow. Though I would prefer tonight"

"oh…" she looked over at him, and he was still giggling and mumbling to himself. "Umm...well just tell me the adress and I'll give him my 2nd car" she felt a bit sad and sat back onto the couch. "or unless you've already given him a car and I just need to drop him off there-"

"Actually no. Nevermind. Just let him stay there for tonight"

"Okay" she brightened

"Yeah, cause I really don't need to see on the front page on my newspaper talking about how police caught him robbing Chipotle at 12:00 am. As much as he is a pain in the ass, I know he's going to be useful if something happens when we're travelling"

"Speaking of that, how is that investigation going? They did find him guilty of kidnapping, but were their first assumptions on him having more partners still going strong? I really did tell them the honest truth that I never saw anybody but him. Though he did keep me in a small soundproof room so maybe there were-"

"Not sure exactly. The guy still refuses to say anything more. But what's done is done. He's in prison now. And that's where he'll stay"

When she thought about how frightened she was when he had his hands on her, she couldn't smile anymore. She suddenly felt paranoid again. She felt the anger resurface. She closed her eyes and covered her face with her hands, trying to calm herself down.

"Jessica, try not to think about that anymore. We both know how you get when you let it those nightmares get to you. He's not near you anymore, try to remember that. Don't be afraid."

"Yeah, I know. I'll try"

She took a glance over at Wade again and her heart nearly leapt out when he was sitting up and concentrating on her, his expression serious. She quickly looked down, fidgeting under his stare.

"Well, anyway, I'll see you tomorrow. Think you can handle him for another night?"

"Oh, yeah, sure. Piece of cake. But wait, you forgot about the third thing"

"Right, right! The third thing is that- well you should remember this right? About taking a quick trip to London after the benefit?-"

"Right, London. Okay, it's coming back to me."

"Right. So you only have tonight and tomorrow to rest, Monday's the benefit, Tuesday to Saturday you're in London, and then we go straight to Rio on Monday."

She groaned "Okay. See you. I might sleep in tomorrow, so just let yourself in. You know where the key is right?"

"Yup. Take care"

"You too. Bye"

She hung up and put her phone down. She couldn't help but remain silent and let her thoughts wander into the dark abyss of what happened between her and her captor.

"You okay?"

She looked over at Wade, who was staring at her with what might have passed for a look of concern- or, curiosity- she couldn't tell with him always wearing that mask.

"Yeah, I'm fine" she smiled. "What time is it?"

"8:00"

She gasped and quickly stood up "Shoot! It's already 8?-"

"Hey you still have one last card to dish out!"

"Oh right"

She sat back down beside him and smiled at him, hoping he wouldn't ask about _it_. To her relief, he didn't ask, and only cleared his throat dramatically. " 'What will I bring back in time to convince people that I am a powerful wizard?' " He read again "Go ahead,".

She suddenly covered her laughter with her mouth and he looked at her, very confused.

"What?"

"I don't wanna say it...can i just show you?" he scooched over to her and took her card. Jessica watched as his face went from humorous to confused to slightly disturbed to bursting out laughing.

"Pffthahahahaha!-what the _hell_!?" he looked at her with an amused but shocked expression on his face. "...oh my god! I-I-I'm done. You win. I am so done." he laughed silently and gave her his card "Jesus, woman, _who are you_!?"

"That's why i didn't want to say it! Don't judge me on this game! ugh, just forget about it. Now, c'mon. I'll whip us up something quick. You must be starving," she said as she went to the kitchen. She couldn't help but smile when she could hear him stifling his laughter as he followed after her.

"Oh god. I love that game. We are totally playing that again. 'Cept, maybe next time we'll make it more interesting, like betting money- or _clothes_."

Rolling her eyes, Jessica walked in the kitchen and took out some bowls and other stuff.

"You don't have to do that. I'm pretty sure I have a burrito or hot pocket somewhere wedged in this thing" he patted down his suit with his hands as he followed after her. "and there's cereal. I could just have that"

"No, c'mon, I'll make us dinner." she insisted

_[I just realized something. Salome is writing a trap for us]_

_tell me about it. A beautiful, shy woman who cooks for us, is nice to us and actually gets along with us? This is definitely a trap- _

"-Besides, this morning i left the kitchen for 5 minutes and came back with you trying to extinguish the fire you made. And that was just you making cereal. I still don't know how you managed to do that" she laughed as she bent over to gather all her hair and tie it back.

"Must...resist...trap..goddamn you author! Don't..look-okfineonelook" he quickly burned the image of how voluptuous her-

_[damn, this is Fan fiction .com right? Gotta keep it tame kids, sorry!]_

_(snap out of it mister, she's turning around again!)_

Before she noticed, he quickly snapped a picture of her with his phone and went back to looking completely innocent.

_[seriously dude?]_

"readers, don't you fuckin say anything! Especially you Noble!"

_[how could they? They can't say anything. Only you can talk to them]_

"Well GOOD. Let's keep it that way."

"There," she said as she stood straight and rolled up her sleeves "Alright, you hungry for anything in particular? Or do you want-"

_(another kiss? Yes please!)_

_[yum]_

"How about another kiss? Except maybe this time we can keep it for more than 3 seconds" he said, still a little starry eyed.

She blushed "I-I don't think-"

"Noo, c'mon! You, me and the readers were dying for this moment to happen. All I want is a kiss," Not wanting to move, Jessica gulped and slowly made her walk herself over to him.

"Just a siiingle kiss" he murmured, closing his eyes and puckering his lips out to her. Suddenly his heart was thumping hard, fast and he could hear it all the way up to his ears. His feet wriggled, showing how impatient he was getting.

_Ohh, c'mon, big money, big money! People, I think it's safe to say that we are officially starting the lemon-y lemon part!_

_[Okay, just completely ignore the statement where I said we were keeping it tame...]_

"do your magic and leave me as a mushy puddle of love" he said dreamily. Suddenly, he felt his face being caressed by her soft hands and the lavender smell from her only made him more dizzy. Instead of feeling a pair of warm lips on his mouth, he felt it on his cheek.

Confused, he opened his eyes and she was already scurrying away from him, silently getting back to work.

His heart-and more importantly his machismo- plummeted head first into the concrete. He blinked and suddenly he was more confused than that time he bought a boat back in Russia and as soon as he started it, it started beeping and sunk into the water.

_[You still believe it was broken? It wasn't defective, they told you it was a submarine!]_

"Uh, what just happened? Did you just-"

"Sorry Wade," she said, not looking at him "That's the most you're going to get"

"but-"

"You said you like mexican food right?" she said, her smile returning again. Knowing that she was closing the discussion, Deadpool's expression turned from stunned to pissed.

"...Yeah." he muttered as he turned away from her.

_that little-! That was so not cool how she totally kissed us!What was that all about in the living room! And- and now she's backing out? She thinks she can use us like a chew toy?!_

_(oh hell naw, this girl is goin' down like a sack of potatoes!)_

_[woah, calm down. Remember we're getting paid to keep her **alive**]_

"Tom Hansen was right," he muttered under his breath, lightly scratching her table with one of his marine corps fighting knife "women are evil, teasing, manipulating, miserable-"

Jessica placed a couple of plates in front of him, and his mouth nearly watered when he was staring down at the most succulent, juicy, lip smacking, tacos, enchiladas, chimichangas and-

"Even an artistically decorated plate of nachos?" his voice quivered.

"It's been a while since I've made Mexican food, so hopefully it tastes as good as it looks" she said as she placed some sour cream and several bottles of hot sauces that ranged from mild to extremely hot. "I even found some peppers for you to eat if you really like them with your food"

He didn't know what to say, he had never had someone make him a warm home cooked meal before. But anger still pulled him back. He still didn't want like her. Just because she was pretty didn't give her the right to-

"I'm guessing you're one of those guys who likes the high when they eat the hottest peppers. Luckily I found some Trinidad scorpion peppers and if you really want to go to cloud nine, i got a couple of Ghost Peppers"

So like our mercenary was saying, Jessica was-

"...

…..

….

…

.

.

.

..awesome"

* * *

**Author's Notes: _Cards of Humanity_ is awesome. Btw, can you just not WAIT till the DP April Issue?! I seriously am dying everyday I am told to wait till April! **

**Also, I really think Eleanor is alive there i said it.**

** I have much faith in the writers that they are not total sadists and will definitely give DP his daughter back. I really hope they physically depict her with more of her mother's looks- Y'know, cuz Carmelita is hispanic- or, at least she _looked_ hispanic- so I hope they kinda lean toward the dark skin and black hair. I mean, am i the only who would find it adorable to see his cute daughter as not the typical blonde haired white girl? Sorry if i'm coming off as racist or something but you gotta admit, most of the women in comic books are all white. Sure, they're very pretty, but it would be a nice change to see more colored women from different countries being apart of the comic world. I better restock on ice cream and boxes of tissues cause i guarantee I will be crying for both the wedding and the father- daughter reunion. **

**...*sigh* As you can tell, I don't really have a life. Just a girl sitting at home with her cat writing her little heart out.**

**...**

**...**

**...I need some sleep.**

**Night folks.**


	19. Holy Crab Nuggets

**Author's Note: I was listening to ****_Say something_**** by A Great Big World and ****_claire de lune_**** as well as listening to songs by MajesticCasual when i was writing this, so it's about to get all serious up in here. My inspiration also came from the first(?) X men movie, Y'know when Wolverine wakes up with his claws in Rogue's stomach? Yeah, that part.**

* * *

Jessica woke up to the sound of an animal growling. At first she thought it was a dog. But she reminded herself that she didn't have a dog. Her eyes felt heavy, and refused to open. Her body creaked and ached with each movement.

She tiredly turned to her clock and finally opened her eyes. It read 4:00 am

Still trying to remain conscious, her ears picked up anything that would confirm she was still not dreaming. Suddenly a loud bang was heard and she sat up. Suddenly another bang followed by a momentary talking. She couldn't hear what he was saying, but his tone was angry, a tone she had never heard come from him. She reached over to turn on her bedside lamp and stared at the wall where she heard the noise. Quietly, she got up and walked closer to the wall. The cold air touched her skin and her flesh became slightly prickly from the goosebumps. She pressed her ear to the wall and listened.

"-_No more…I can't do this anymore_"

She knew he was asleep. He couldn't still be up. He said he was going to sleep right after one more episode of Golden Girls and that was 6 or 7 hours ago. Plus, she heard his footsteps pass her door last night and go into the guest room beside her. Her heart nearly jumped out of her when she suddenly heard a loud crash and him yelling "_LEAVE ME ALONE_" .

'_He's having a nightmar_e' she concluded in her mind. Jessica quickly went to her bathroom and washed her face, hoping the water would wake her up a little more.

"Hopefully he won't elbow me in the face when I do this," she said as she put on her shorts and walked out of her room. Quickly adjusting her long, loose off the shoulder shirt, she stood in front of the room that he was in and glanced down at the bottom of the door. She didn't see a light on. Again, she heard heavy breathing, like he was gasping for breath. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. She gripped the doorknob and very carefully, opened the door wide enough so that she could slip in. She couldn't see much, but with the curtains open she could see him still in his bed. His blankets were a mess and the nightstand was toppled over. While he was still murmuring and saying things that made no sense, she walked over to his bedside and fixed the nightstand. She turned on the small lamp that was placed on the table. When the light came on, she saw that he still wore his mask on when he slept. Though she could only make out so much of his face through that mask, she knew that he was deep in a nightmare.

"-want to die.-no more…._Death...just want to go hom_e" he continued to toss his head, a look of pain coming over his face. His breathing got more shallower and she could see his chest was quickly moving up and down.

As much as Jessica was curious about what it meant, she knew she shouldn't read too much into it. Still, it had to have meant something. Shaking her head, she cautiously moved closer.

"_Don't touch her. don't fucking touch he_r!"

"Wade…" she placed a hand on his shoulder.

"So beautiful. **Eleanor**." his voice was weak, his throat made a choking sound.

"Wade..!" she shook him a bit harder

" …..Eleanor!"

"Wade, wake up!"

"_Eleanor!_"

"WAKE UP!"

Suddenly something triggered her to move and in a split second she slammed her eyes shut and ducked. All she heard was the sound of a bullet being shot-the sound was so loud and sharp that she thought her hearing was permanently destroyed. She could hear the sound of her heart pounding through her veins and she held her breath.

"...Oh shit,"

Jessica looked up through her messy hair, and looked up at him,staring into his eyes. Before she could do anything, she was pulled into his arms. Her chin rested on his shoulder and with his arms tightly wrapped around her, she could barely move.

_"Oh my god, Jessica, I'm sorry, I-I didn't mean to-I…_"

Still trying to process the fact that he was so close to shooting her, she was too shocked, too stunned, and felt sad to even say anything. In the heat of the moment, she wrenched herself an arm's length away from him-

"_Jessica, I was just dreaming. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didin'tmeanto-_"

-and simply gave him a solid slap in the face. She didn't say anything, and hoped it would make him stop blubbering and trying to make up excuses. It did. He didn't say anything, and didn't bother to turn his face back to her.

She knew well enough what it was like to wake up to find yourself hurting someone. And like what Willow did to her when she used to have such vivid nightmares, she buried his face in the crook of her neck.

He still didn't respond.

Trying to steady her breathing, she rested her hand and caressed the back of his head in a comforting way.

To her relief, he finally answered and brought his arms around her waist. She could feel the burning heat that was emanating off him, indicating that he was still sweating and panicking.

She could feel his heart beating hard against his chest and she felt something warm and wet on her neck- she knew the liquid that touched her throat was not drool- from the silent shaking of his body, she knew well enough he was still biting back the emotions from his nightmare. Still, she kept silent and brushed her lips against his skin once.

She knew there was nothing much she could say that would help. Instead, she let her eyes close, and paid attention to how tight he was still holding on. Eventually, his grip on her softened, letting her know he was done. His shaking had stopped, his body cooled, his breathing slowed.

Her heart beat a little faster, she didn't know what to say or do next; but she finally pulled away, far enough so that she could breathe better but she was still in his arms. She cupped his face with her hands, and looked at him. She remained on his lap, and tried to catch his eyes, but he stayed quiet. His eyes trailed up the rest of her body, and but he refused to meet her gaze. Very slowly, his hands went up to hers and gently put them down.

_'he doesn't want to talk about it now. Leave it for some other time...''_

"C'mon," she said softly, getting him back into his bed. While he laid there, he turned and watched as she slipped into his bed, turned to the bedside lamp and turned off the light. With a soft click, the light vanished, but with the moonlight still streaming into the room, his eyes still watched her as she laid her head on a pillow. She moved closer to him. He turned to her, and put his right arm under his pillow.

"Sleep" she said, her dark eyes opened and stared at him.

"What if I do-"

"You won't."

"You don't know that"

"You won't. Trust me. If you keep me safe, I'll return the favour." she whispered, her dark eyes following her fingers that traced his other hand that rested between them. "Don't worry, I'm here" her eyes looked up at him, and his eyes instantly avoided hers.

"Sleep" she murmured; and almost like falling under a spell, his eyelids began to droop. He tried to keep awake. He didn't want that to happen ever again. He was scared shitless that he might wake up again to find himself holding a gun to her head, but the more she traced and soothed his nerves with her fingers, and softly sang to him in a different language, he felt himself slowly losing consciousness. The last thing he saw was her, and for once in his life, he was able to sleep soundly for the rest of the night.

* * *

Humming contently, Willow walked up the stairs and put the key into the lock. Very quietly, she went in and slipped out of her shoes and put them neatly to the side.

She looked at her watch and read 12:00 PM.

"She's probably still sleeping." she sighed. Unexpectedly, she heard talking and music coming from the kitchen.

"Careful, it got on me"

"Fuck, why would it turn all of a sudden!"

"S'okay, I'll just eat it"

"Mmm, eat me please"

"...Uh, yeah, I don't think so"

Willow walked into the kitchen and saw Jessica going through the cabinets as Deadpool stood at the counter with a pink apron on, a huge chef's hat on and using a hand blender to mix something in a bowl.

"_You're so fine! loose my mind_," He nodded his head back and forth as he continued to blend the stuff in the bowl. "-_and the world seems to disappear,_ _All the_-Oh haay, Willow! How you doin'?" Deadpool beamed at her sudden entrance.

"Er...Hey" she said awkwardly, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

"Oh, Willow, Good morning!"

"It's 12:00 Jess" Deadpool said

"I mean good afternoon!" she smiled

She looked at Deadpool standing there, still slightly nodding head to the beat and looked at Jessica who was reading something from the cake box.

"What are you guys doing?" she said slowly as she sat on the counter stool and put her bag on the other stool.

"What does it look like we're doing? We're making-" he inhaled and sang "_memorieess~~!_"

"Whaa? 50 ml, that's like nothing!" Jessica said, still reading the box.

"You're nothing" Deadpool added before laughing. Jessica, who already knew that his teasing towards her was mean but always joking, simply rolled her eyes and focused on the instructions.

"Okay so since we're making more than what it says on the box,...I think we just have to multiply everything by-"

"Dude, fuck math just slap in a chunk full of everything" he frowned

"No, what if the frosting comes out too runny?"

"As long as it's doesn't come out like cottage cheese, I'm sure it'll be fine to eat" Deadpool commented and turned off the blender. Jessica stood beside Wade and got out some spoons.

"Okay, so let's just use these to scoop the cupcake mix- Wade lick the batter off the beaters- and we'll just somehow put them on the griddle"

"Mmmm, yeah, that's good" he drooled as he exaggeratedly but seductively licked the batter. "Hey, hey look. You like this Jess? _Mmm_"

"Do you wanna do the pancake part or are you just gonna keep raping my kitchenware?" she replied, not fazed at all by it.

"Depends. This turning you on?" he waggled his eyebrows suggestively as he continued to lick the beaters while keeping eye contact with her.

"Yeah. Especially since you're suggesting you like taking two long rods at the same time"

He immediately stopped and realization dawned on him. "Shit."

"See, I knew you were-"

"I'M NOT GAY..no matter what those fangirls on Tumblr say or my comic book writers draw, I AM NOT GAY" he said "...though it is a little fun to play the part"

"Sure. Now, hurry up and do this for me"

"Mmm, yeah baby, I'll_ do_ that for you- Ow! Okay, okay!" he winced as he felt her kick him from behind. While Deadpool poured a small portion of batter onto the griddle, Jessica shook her head in amusement and went over to go talk to Willow. Not bothering to eavesdrop, he focused on letting the batter bubble and occasionally flipped them.

"I love the smell of pancakes in the morning!" he declared as he flipped another.

_(it's the afternoon)_

"Whatever"

_[You're in a good mood]_

"Can't help it." he sighed "Guys, I think this is the start of a beautiful relationship" he glanced over at Jessica who was still talking with Willow. He sighed again, watching her eyes sparkle in that corny fan fiction way that _-year old girls could write for their fellow fan girls.

"the senpai has fallen for the schoolgirl" he placed another finished pancake to the side "_And I'm the schoolgirl_" he said dreamily.

_[To be honest, I think you're jumping into this too fast]_

"T-B-H, I think you should shut up"

_(What if it doesn't work out? You barely know each other)_

"Why can't you guys just be happy for me! _Ya'll are just jealous bitches_!"

_[*sigh* she could just be playing you.]_

_(Or worse, what if she honestly doesn't see you that way? FRIENDZONE IS WORSE THAN HELL ITSELF)_

"I love her!" he sobbed dramatically.

_[Whatever. Just do me a favour and at least-]_

"Take her out tonight? Sure" he grinned. "_I can show her the Worrrld~!_" he sang. "_Disney don't sue us for uuuusing thiiis! We're just using the melody, nothing else so inyourfuckinface- A WHOLE NEW WOOORRLD!_"

_[that did not fit]_

_(that's what she saaai~iid!)_

_[ugh, stop singing! both of you!]_

"Wade you're burning the pancakes"

"_Gonna take her to a monster truck ralle~y_!"

"I'm gonna kick you again"

* * *

"Alright, alright, back off you guys. Especially you! Yeah, you with the stupid hawaiian shirt- back the fuck up. Don't make me hit you with the ugly stick!- Actually you're already ugly...I wonder if the stick would do the opposite and turn you into some weird but oddly handsome guy like Elijah Wood?" Deadpool said as he started going for his left katana. Instantly the Hawaiian t-shirt guy backed off and when he was far enough away, he yelled something insulting that Deadpool didn't catch. He only knew it was directed toward him because all the other photographers laughed with the Hawaiian guy.

Deadpool blinked, then laughed mirthfully. But in seconds a psychotic flare rose in his eyes and he started stomping over to the guy. Right between the guy screaming a shrilly girl scream and Deadpool grabbing the guy's collar, Jessica intervened just in the nick of time.

"No, no, Deadpool! C'mon, put him down," she smiled, trying to make him put the guy down. Deadpool looked at Jessica and then up at the guy who was sweating and and trying to get himself out of his grip. Hawaiian guy was fairly high off the ground, and the more he struggled the more he was putting himself up for a bad and possible bone fracturing fall.

"Deadpool," she touched his bicep and his attention went back to her. "Pleeease?" she said sweetly. All the photographers around them kept snapping pictures while Jessica was still holding her breath, hoping he would just drop him.

"Alright, fine. Tell you what i'm gonna do for you buddy," and evil smirk appeared through his mask

"oh god," her smile faded and she knew by that look in his eyes he was going to do something that would definitely make it on the front page of every newspaper.

"Since I'm in such a _fantastic_ mood today, I'm going to let you off the hook!" he let go of him but mid fall he caught him again.

"However, I know you and your little friends here are not exactly fast learners- especially when just given verbal warnings- So just a mini lesson for all you people who want to become like _this_ guy and actually attempt to grope a lady in broad daylight while taking pictures of her-" Deadpool flipped the guy and balanced him on his foot. Like a soccer player bouncing a soccer ball on his foot, he bounced the guy from one foot to another, watching in amusement as he made weird short little girl screams."I suggest you _don't_. Now unless you want me to hold your hand, skip with you to the cemetery, watch you dig your own grave and shoryuken your ass all the way down to hell so you can listen to the Trololo guy sing for you for eternity," Deadpool finally kicked the guy off his foot and sent him flying to the curb of the sidewalk. "I SUGGEST YOU G-T-F-O" Deadpool yelled.

With the Hawaiian guy landing on the curb with a loud and crunching thud, the photographers were already running to the other side of the street. Some decided to just completely disappear, while others thought it would still be okay to take pictures from 20 feet away.

Jessica sighed and ran her hand through her hair as she watched all the bystanders stare at the three. Willow couldn't help but smirk. Jessica quietly turned around and continued her walk down the street. Deadpool and Willow followed after her.

"Did that suit your tastes Willow? Toldja I could handle it on a professional level" Deadpool smiled charmingly at Willow.

"That guy deserved it" Willow admitted as she looked back at the guy slowly picking himself up.

"See Jess? Willow's on my side- she saw what that that guy was going for. _And you're welcome_"

"You coulda just stopped his hand. You didn't have to do all that" Jess muttered as she walked ahead of them.

"S'cuse me? He was going for YOUR ASS. I'm your BODYGUARD. Meaning I'm GUARDING your BODY. That includes your ass" Deadpool said as he glanced at her tight jean clad bottom. "and bewbs too" he said under his breath.

"_Sorry for just doing my job and keeping you safe_" he said a little louder

Jessica stopped and realized how ungrateful she was acting.

"I-I know. Sorry" she hung her head.

Deadpool stared at her genuine regretful expression. Then he burst out laughing.

"Oh my god, you are just_ too_ easy"

"Wha-"

"Ugh, Deadpool, please stop" Willow shook her head.

"No, sorry, it's just- you're_ adorable_! This is not even your fault and you're making it out to be like that! Hahahahaha!" He laughed.

Jessica was speechless but quickly composed herself. Feeling frustrated and not knowing what to say, she whipped around and stomped away. She angrily muttered and tried not to let her ugly, short tempered Colombian woman side of her come out. She knew she was making this out to be more dramatic than it needed to be, but whenever she was being messed around like this, she couldn't help but adopt to her mother's stubborn, tiger-like personality.

_"Ugh, Deadpool, I swear, sometimes i just wanna take your- big dumb, DUMMY head and just!_-"

"You okay JP?"

Jessica whipped around and flashed a angelic smile at Deadpool. She knew that he was only smiling that much because he knew how much he was getting to her. Her mother was right, she needed to start paying attention to how she walked when she was upset. Willow might not have noticed, but since Deadpool was always with her all the time, he had the full advantage of knowing when she was forcing herself to keep calm. And already having that power over her, he was a force that only made her stubborn attitude to remain calm and happy actually start to stretch.

"Yes, I'm okay!….Why do you ask?"

He shrugged, a knowing smile still on his face.

"Hey Jessica, we're here!" Willow said as she walked up a set of stairs up to the small boutique.

"Thank god" she muttered. While Willow walked in, meeting the salespeople and already getting the boss of the boutique, Deadpool tried to get Jessica's attention, but she quickly raced up the stairs to avoid his evil smile.

"Ah, she's just so _fun_!" Deadpool chuckled as he followed behind, feeling more relaxed than ever.

* * *

"So how is it fitting Miss Paisley?"

"U-Uhm, It's okay I guess…"

"Do you need help?"

"Yes, thank you"

Deadpool sat on the round sofa bed that was shaped into a heart and watched as the dressing room door Jessica was in opened. She didn't come out but she let the saleswoman come in and the door closed again. Willow was a few feet away from him, looking and browsing at all the clothes with the rest of the groups of women who were shopping.

He let out a loud sigh and fell back on the cushy furniture.

"Are you there God? it's me, Deadpool. Look, I know we might not be the bestest of friends, but do you think you could do one thing for me? It's just one little ol' favour to do for your favorite mercenary," He looked at all the other men, who looked bored to death as well.

"_Please, PLEASE, kill me now_!" he whined as he rolled side to side.

_[Sorry man, I think he's on the other line. Just gonna have to leave a message again]_

"He didn't even return my last call!"

_[Dude, he's a busy man. Give him some slack]_

"I HAVE been! Why do you think he's still frickin up there on his cushy little clouds. He's too busy answering Spidey's little pleas for help! I don't ask much from this guy, but the least he could do is, I don't know, send me a gift basket for all the calls he's missed!"

_(Do you even believe in God?)_

"...ugh, don't make me think more than I have to" Deadpool tiredly got himself up. While he looked around, he met the eyes of another guy who looked like he was also ready to fake a heart attack just to get out of there. Deadpool shook his head tiredly at the guy and formed his hand into a gun and put it up to his head.

"Bang"

The guy chuckled and slumped more into the chair, closing his eyes. "Same. I'm thinking the exact same goddamn thing too, man"

Deadpool smiled bitterly and looked at all the women in the store.

"This is hell. Maybe worse. And all these women don't even look human. They actually look like they come from hell. Their skin is overly tanned, wearing huge sunglasses, they have bleached blonde hair, they all wear clothes that are waaayyy too young for them. Not to mention that whenever they turn their body completely disappears. I'm pretty sure they're all a mix between an oompa loompa and a really skinny lanky Sarah Jessica Parker."

_(it's like somewhere in the world some kind of underworld government had its scientists do an experiment and these things were the result. Then they let them out into the wild and here they are now. Free to roam and destroy a man's life)_

_[it's one thing to kill a man, but to actually trap him and let him stay alive and suffer for eternity?]_

"That's my job. The killing part I mean"

_[keeping another man alive is just another merc job gone down the drain]_

"That ain't right" Deadpool straightened up, glaring at all the Oompa loompas. "They're basically stealing all the dough!..." a psychotic look flashed in the mercenary's eyes.

"**I must kill them**"

Before he could grab the katana strapped to his back, he heard gasping and he turned his head to where all the saleswomen were gathering.

"Oh Miss Paisley, you have to come out and see how you look!"

"I'm n-not sure. I don't think this is really my style-"

"But just come out and see how you look!"

"Yes, yes, just see how beautifully you fit that dress!"

_[What's going on?]_

"How should I-?"

Deadpool stopped mid sentence when Jessica walked out.

Jessica was escorted to the large wall sized mirror and took a quick look at how she looked in the mirror. She wore a body hugging long ankle length black dress that had one long sleeve that covered her right arm. The dress exposed part of her right hip and had a teardrop hole that reach from her right arm down to her exposed cleavage, but left enough fabric to make every man in the store turn and stare.

"Th-this is a little too-" she blushed and dared not look at Deadpool's reaction.

Jessica tried to focus on breathing evenly and just in the nick of time, Willow appeared.

"Wow, Jessica you look amazing!"

She laughed nervously. She could feel all the hot stares of all the men behind her. This is definitely not the dress. She felt all the hungry gazes of each man in the store staring her down. She was literally going to faint if she did not get back in that fitting room. She could hear some of the women whispering angrily at their husbands.

"Oookay, I think I'm going to pass on this one"

"Wha, really Jessica? You don't like this one?" Willow said as she straightened out the dress. She walked around Jessica and looked suspiciously at her. Finally she realized what was the problem.

"Jessica, c'mon, you're 24 years old, you do know you're allowed to wear things that are more than just cute, right?"

"Yes, I know that! It's just I'm not used to_ this_ kind of attention!-" She whispered to her

"C'mon you gotta get used to looking the way you look. In fact I'll help you right now- Hey Deadpool!-"

"No Willow,_ stop!_" Jessica whispered to Willow. But it was too late. With all the saleswomen smiling, the wives and girlfriends scowling at her, and the rest of the men behind Deadpool whispering and smiling to each other, Jessica kept her head down as she was guided toward her bodyguard.

"She wants a third opinion. Think she should buy it?"

Deadpool didn't answer at first. He was too busy still looking her up and down. Her curvaceous little figure looked mouth watering in that dress. Her dark messy wavy long black hair made her dark almond eyes stand out even more and his hands were itching to touch her body.

"..

.._Holy crab nuggets_" he whispered, his eyes wide and unblinking.

Her blush nearly faded when she heard those words. Her mouth twitched and suddenly she couldn't help but let out a sweet laughter.

"See? He likes it! Now stop being so iffy about it and let's try another dress on, okay? Now you keep that one with you till we're done here" Willow smiled. "I'll even go out and choose one for you if you don't feel like going out there now"

Jessica, who was still wiping a tear from her eye, smiled and simply nodded, letting Willow walk out and leave the two there.

Forgetting about the men who were still staring at her, Jessica sighed and still stood in front of him, watching as his eyes were still glued to her hips and waist. Deadpool couldn't help but continue to stare at her. He watched as she settled herself beside him, staring at her as she closed her eyes and hummed the song that was playing throughout the store.

"Seriously though, tell me what you think. Too revealing, isn't it?"

his eyes caught the slit that ran up to her hip, giving his hungry eyes a nice gaze at her smooth copper toned leg. Suddenly he imagined himself kissing her inner thigh, letting his mouth kiss higher and higher, till he reached-

_[Say something dammit!]_

_I think my mouth went numb. All the blood's going down to my-_

"This is why I don't like shopping sometimes," she said as she lazily glanced over at the women who shot her ice cold glares. "I don't even _know them,_ and yet they already hate me" She turned to Deadpool, her dark almond eyes stared straight into his, making him snap out of it.

"I don't look very good do I? I mean, I look more like a slut"

"No! No, Jessica, you look…" Deadpool cleared his throat and licked his lips "like a woman"

She blinked and smiled, amused at his response."Well I hope so, otherwise-"

"No, I mean-ugh... Jess, you know what I mean. "

Jessica showed a small smile. "Well, I'm actually glad you didn't say something like _sexy or hot. I've had too many people call me that, and honestly, it just brings back the worst of memories for me"_

Deadpool looked confused.

"Er-What?" Suddenly he felt the air shift and she looked toward the floor, her hair sweeping over her sides and covering her face. "What do you mean by that?"

"Jessica! I found some more dresses!"

Before he could ask any more, Jessica was already smiling again and looking at all the dresses Willow had found.

He continued to sit on the couch, looking weirdly at the dark haired girl.

"Noble, should that mean something or…?"

Yes, it means something.

[_I suggest you ask her later about it. Maybe, say, like in the next couple of chapters?_]

-But for now, just enjoy your private little show.

"_Private_?" Deadpool turned around and saw the line of men still drooling. "_this_ is not very private. Get rid of'em"

Fine.

Having enough of their husbands drooling over Jessica, the women snatched up their men and left the fitting room, leaving the saleswomen to focus mainly on the dark haired girl.

Better?

"_Much better_" Deadpool sighed as he continued to watch her.


	20. The Date?

**Author's note: I'm sorry but I really wanted to open with this xD On a more serious note, I also apologize If i'm taking each chapter kinda slow. I know we're doing this day by day, but I want to build this up for the climax of this story. :3 **

**hopefully you get the reference that I wrote in the first paragraph, hehehehe! **

* * *

"Look, Jessica. I know this may seem a little sudden but I've been giving it a lot of thought. You're the woman I've been waiting for my whole life and I'm _not_ ashamed to admit it... Wait- let me finish._ I'm crazy about you._ I've never felt this way about anybody before." he laughed nervously "Listen to me, I feel like a schoolboy again! A schoolboy who _desperately wants to make sweet, sweet love to you_" he said darkly and seductively. Suddenly he grabbed the back of her head and passionately forced his mouth on hers.

Then the door opened and he bolted up.

"Oh, I thought I heard you talking to someone" Jessica said

"NOPE, MUST'VE BEEN IMAGINING THINGS HAHAHAHA" He laughed nervously, looking incredibly ridiculous as he tried to compose himself. Jessica looked at him suspiciously, but quickly dismissed it.

"Just give me a second and we can get going" she said as she brushed past him and went to go get her glasses. As soon as he made sure she was gone, he silently fell to his knees and died for a few minutes.

_"GODDAMN YOU NOBLE!" _he cried out

What?

_["A school boy who wants to make sweet, sweet love to you?" what the hell man-]_

_(There's a fine line between a charming, desperate, lustful man and-well, whatever the hell you just said)_

_[Guess you should add 'rapist wit' under your eharmony profile]_

_(i give that a negative kajillion on the cutesy scale. That shit was not romantic)_

_[Didn't you take any notes from Geoffrey or Will when you went to that live show of Fresh Prince? They had good material]_

"NO. Sorrrrrry I kinda got distracted with meeting Carlton. But, hey, least i Know how to do the Carlton dance now! Though my picture of us leaves something to be desired" Deadpool said as he brought out the photo. "Seriously, all i got was a picture of me and the top of his eyes and nothing else"

Well anyway, just go along with the date. Promise I will make it-well, I'll _try_ to go along the list of demands you made.

"You better. Or else I'm leaving for that Snow White Disney fan fiction. At least we're getting somewhere over on that story. You're on chapter 20 and shit's not even getting anywhere. No action, no actual real story, not to mention that fan fiction has more favorites, followers and reviews than you"

...You wanna take this outside?

"Hahaha! Oh, aren't you precious! Bring it on stumpy, I've fought a midget version of me so I won't have a problem with kicking your midget ass too"

I'm 5'4 THAT'S CONSIDERED THE REGULAR HEIGHT FOR A GIRL

_(both of you SHADDUP!)_

_[She's coming back!]_

Jessica walked back in wearing the same denim jeans and white t shirt she wore earlier and had her black framed glasses on.

"Ready?" Deadpool asked

"Yup!" she smiled.

_Damn, she isn't wearing that black dress?_

"Yes, this is what I'm wearing Deadpool" Jessica deadpanned

"Hey, how'd you-?"

"You suddenly slumping your shoulders a bit and that slight disappointing look in your eyes was _kiiiind_ of a dead giveaway" she smiled meekly

"..."

* * *

Jessica sat at the booth while she waited for Deadpool to bring back their drinks. With the music hummed throughout the bar and the people talking and dancing, Jessica only moved further back into the booth and was silently hyperventilating.

"I said yes to a date. I'm on a date... _holy shit I'm on a date"_ she whispered to herself. '_Why did I say yes to this!?_"

_'probably because you are stupid and you didn't know what he meant when he said 'hang out' ?' _

Jessica put her face in her hands and grumbled.

"Ohhhh god" she whined. "Easy there, Jess. Nothing to be afraid of. Just having some drinks with your _friend_. Just pretend like it's Ethan-" she wriggled around impatiently and looked around, and suddenly-

"Wait, is that-Ohmygod, _ETHAN!"_

"Jessica? HOLY SHIT, JESS!"

Jessica quickly got up and Ethan ran up to her. They hugged tightly and while Jessica briefly opened her eyes during their embrace, she caught the eyes of some groups of girls who were glaring her down. They sat down and Jessica took a quick glance over his shoulder again. Their stares reminded her of when she was in high school. Especially one black haired girl who was outwardly trying to scare her when they made eye contact.

"Wooow, you really don't notice the way women look at you"

"Ha, you're funny" he said sarcastically.

She sighed "I'm not that funny"

"You're right. You're much funnier when you're drunk"

She laughed and couldn't help but look again. Still glaring her down!

"Oh my god, we're really flippin her out. She can't_ imagine_ what you're doing here with me. Hot people are supposed to be with hot people" she shook her head in realization

Ethan smiled at Jessica. Looking back at the black haired girl and Jessica, he finally spoke up.

"S'cuse me miss-"

"Ethan, shhh!"

"I think you're making my _girlfriend_ uncomfortable"

"Ethan, shush, stop it!"

The girl looked taken back and quickly turned around back to her chatty group of friends. Jessica covered her mouth and tried to stifle her laughter and Ethan couldn't help but laugh as well.

"So what are you doing here alone? Where's Willow?"

"Willow's at home. And I'm not by myself" She sighed and looked down. "Ethan, I agreed to something that I really shouldn't have"

"You agreed to form your own girl band"

"No. Ugh, god no."

"You agreed to be a part of a sting. Oh, can I be part of it? We'll wear mustaches tie the person to a set of train tracks while keeping a quizzical look on our faces. Then I'll go NYEAHAHAHHA"

She laughed and slapped his arm. "Seriously! Ethan, I accidentally agreed to a date with Wade"

"Deadpool? Y-your _bodyguard?!_" he leaned forward, a shocked look on his face.

She nodded. "I didn't mean to say yes. He said 'hanging out', but then he took me here, and he's getting us drinks and he's acting sort of weird- I mean, he's usually weird but this is a different kind of weird- anyway, I've never said yes to a date before but I have this feeling like he thinks this is a date! Oh Ethan," she whined "I like him, I really do. But I d_on't know him well! What do I do! I mean, yes, I've shared more experiences with him than anyone since I came here-"_

_"_EXPERIENCES?_"_

_"_Wha- NO, I mean not like _sex_, but-"

"Look, Jess, as much as I want to give you heck for being so _naive_ about this, I promise I'll do it later-"

"Yeah, like, just text me so i don't have to see your disappointed face that would probably make me feel guilty for the rest of my life-"

"But I'll ask you this: Do you like him?"

"I don't know. At times, I think I like him, but then sometimes I feel like his flirting is just out of habit"

"Well, there you go-"

"No, but, Ethan-" she scratched her nails against the table "Some things have happened- things that I don't think should be shared with, even with you, that makes me want to believe that he _might _be feeling...the same things I'm feeling" Jessica blinked and suddenly covered her face with her hands "OH GODD THAT SOUNDED SO CORNY- _I sound like such a stupid girl. This is not some fucking fairy tale. __Why do I always do that? Soon as someone is nice to me, I automatically just-!"_

"Besides me, this is the first time you've let someone get this close with you."

"I'm terrified. Not of him, but of what could be happening"

"Jessica, just because you spent almost your entire life working in a brothel doesn't mean you should stay scared or ashamed about what's happening. Someday, you are going to have to step out of your comfort zone, if you want to be with someone. It's impossible to avoid every man on this planet"

"I've done it since I got out of there. I _know_ it's possible" she replied stubbornly.

"So what about Christian?"

Jessica twiddled her fingers. "That's different. He might be physically attractive, but that's it. I know what kind of guy he is. Just another pig wanting the trophy bride. So he doesn't really count as intimidating" She groaned in exhaustion "Ethan, I don't want to turn into the single, childless, crazy cat lady. I'm safe from that place now, I can have a life with a chance to actually live _normally. _Without having to put on a performance for all of Mr. J's clients just for me to have a roof over my head. I can't help that once someone notices me I push them away. Ugh, where is my mind? I feel so confused" she sighed "I wish you would just make this easier for me and just marry me. I wouldn't have to think about feeling scared of men anymore. Why won't you marry me?" she whined.

"Cuz I like you too much"

They both smiled at each other.

"Can't say that i'm happy about who you're _falling for._"

"I'm not falling for him."

"Jessica, stop trying to deny it. I've never seen you act this way before. For now, just go along with it- see if you really do like him."

"That is what dating's about.." she admitted.

"Exactly. So I mean, even if I were to tell you to just tell him the truth- that this isn't a date, you wouldn't have the heart to do that. You _wouldn't want to_"

Jessica lightly punched herself in the head. "You're right. I'll see how it goes. By the way, you can't be alone here, who're you with?"

"Dex."

"Who's that?"

"Y'know, blonde hair, blue eyes-the social butterfly, womanizer, drinks till he does that weird impersonation of a leprechaun-"

Suddenly a blonde haired blue eyed guy wrapped his arm around Ethan "YOOOO What's going on Ethan!?"

Ethan let out a long sigh and deadpanned at Jessica.

"Ethan, scoot over just a smidge, there" Ethan moved into the booth more and Dex sat with them.

"Soo guess what? _I _made some new friends." Dex smiled charmingly. "You, cutie, are my new friend," Dex pointed at Jessica, who only raised her eyebrow at him. "AND, I also found these two other girls that want to be my friend"

Before they could talk anymore, Deadpool appeared with drinks.

"Sorry Jess, totally got distracted. I bet some money on a Bea Aruthur look like that was having a drinking contest with asian guy who looked like Jackie Chan and guess who got 500 extra bucks!-"

Deadpool stopped when he saw two guys sitting with Jessica.

"Oookay, I know for sure that they weren't there before. So what are you abercrombie models doing with my date?"

"Deadpool, you've met Ethan before. Um, this other guy is Dex."

Deadpool silently slid next to Jessica, and Jessica who felt the awkward tension in the air, looked at Ethan, hoping he would get the message and leave.

"Well, look at the time, we should get going. C'mon Dex"

"Wha- We're leaving already? I didn't even get your name and those digits!" Dex smiled charmingly at Jessica. Deadpool stared at the blonde surfer twat, unimpressed and a tad annoyed.

"Alright, See you later Jess-"

"Oh, got your name! Just throw in that number and we're set!"

"-I'll text you later" Ethan waved and pushed Dex. Soon as they were out of sight, Deadpool looked over at Jessica.

"Should I ask?"

"Sorry," she smiled sheepishly. Exhausted mentally, confused emotionally, and not knowing what else to do, she decided to take Ethan's advice "Let's just move on" she grabbed a bottle and quickly swigged down the whole thing.

* * *

Deadpool was on the 15th shot of vodka and Jessica was also starting to get a little tipsy from her gin and tonics.

"**Sooo, how come you don't *hic* have a boyfriend?" **Deadpool slurred.

"**H****ahaha, really? We're doing this again?"**

**"Yup. Cuz *hic* I've been thinking about it f...for a llooooong tiimee"**

"**Yeah?"**

He nodded sluggishly and downed another shot.

"**Yessir. Since the day we met. "**

"**Weelll, if you must know, it's c****uz I don't want one" **She replied simply. Deadpool stared at her, completely unconvinced.

"**That, is a load of bull. C'mon, all girls your age want a boyfriend. Even the *hic*X chumps have human needs. All looking for that special someone. You're not that emotionless-" **He laughed but instantly turned serious_ **"unless you're a robot"**_

"**You don't believe that a woman could enjoy being.. free and independent?"**

**"Are you a lez-bee-inn?"**

she laughed **"No, I'm not a lesbian. I'm just not comfortable with being anyone's anything."**

Deadpool shook his head and simply said** "I don'tget it"**

**"No? Well let me break it down for you"**

**"_Break it down!"_**

**_"_I like being on my own. I like not having to rely on someone. Trust and reliance are too risky. Relationships are messy, people's feelings get hurt, and who needs it? People look to love as if it would make everything better. But really, it doesn't. You just end up getting betrayed. I think it's better to spend your life on something that is possible and real. It's better to just leave all that serious stuff for later..or never"**

**"...It's like you can see right into my soul._"_**

**"That is the first time I've ever told anyone that." she murmured as she studied the table. "But what about you? _do you have human needs?_" she teased.**

** "...course I do. Y'know behind this nice, rough, tough, sexy, red steeled exterior there could still be somethin' "**

**"So behind that mask, there's someone who needs..._warmth_?" **She giggled, downing her 4th shot. She looked at the mask he wore, and glanced down at the seam of his mask which was pulled up to reveal his mouth.

**"*hic* what?" **he smiled lazily

**"take off your mask"**

**"...It is off"**

**"All the way."** Jessica reached over and before she could pull it off, he grabbed her hand.

**"Sorry toots, hands off the merch"**

She pouted** "Why can't I touch you?"**

**"Hey I never said you couldn't. Just not here."**

**"I'll get that mask off somehow.." **she smiled slyly.

* * *

The door slammed opened and they both stumbled into her house.

_[oh hell no]_

"Wade," she breathed as he planted kisses over her neck. "more-"

_[Don't listen to her!]_

_(yes, listen to her!)_

her heart began thumping hard in her chest

Before she could push him away and run away like a coward, she peeked up at him. In that small window of opportunity, he kissed her. He felt an electric current go through him and he felt incredibly giddy and happy, almost feeling like he couldn't control himself. And yet he was completely content with that.

The feeling of finally kissing her was awesome, wonderful and something like a breath of fresh air-or like a fresh chimichanga. Except instead of smelling cilantro, he smelled her sweet floral perfume.

Her lips were soft,warm and incredibly gentle- something his deteriorated skin loved and needed

His once soft kiss turned impatient and since she wasn't rejecting him, he began probing his tongue against the seam of her lips.

Without thinking, he picked her up and wrapped her legs around his waist, pushing her body against a wall. Suddenly she could feel sharp teeth nipping at her bottom lip. she gave a small gasp and he took the chance to slip his tongue into her mouth entirely.

His tongue couldn't help but explore every place in her warm mouth, and he felt like his mind had already melted.

He heard a sweet moan come from her, and to his pleasure his kiss encouraged her to shyly respond, lapping at his tongue with her own.

Deadpool growled. Judging by how shy she was about kissing, she had never kissed anyone before. Even so, this was the first time a kiss made his mind go totally blank.

Suddenly the two broke apart, breathing hard from the kiss. He quickly used his teleporter again and they were in her room.

"I'm sorry. That was my first-"

"I know-" he breathed as he quickly pushed his lips on her again. Still furiously kissing, Jessica let herself be pushed down onto the bed. The alcohol was making her mind buzz and she was slipping in and out of consciousness.

Suddenly the sound of fabric ripping brought her back and she mewled when she felt his mouth travelling on her exposed stomach and in between her cleavage. The mercenary groaned as he felt her body rub against his groin. He could feel her breathes coming in short rapid pants against his neck, her hips rubbing against his in most pleasurable way.

"_Jessica, what are you..ahh!" _

As Jessica forced him to kiss her again, a loud groan emitted from him when he felt her hands starting to slip in his pants. Suddenly, Jessica snapped her eyes opened and shoved him off of her.

"What the he-Oof!" he landed on the bed and hit his head on the bed frame.

She covered her mouth and sprinted straight to her bathroom.

"Aw, c'mon! It's not-*huff* that bad!" Wade called out between breathes. He tried to get up but his feet slipped from underneath him, and he fell back again. He felt dizzy and his hearing was gone for a second. Suddenly his vision started to get fuzzier

_[something's ..wrong.. why do I see s-spots all over the place?]_

_(Shit. What the hell is that?)_

_"Think...someone-...slipped us something..." _

Before he could get up, a cloud of blackness overtook him, and in seconds he blacked out.

* * *

**Author's notes: Hello! So today was the last of my exams. I'm quite happy I finished (leaves more time for me to write more chapters)! At the same time, I'm pretty sure I failed. T.T I only didn't study cuz my overall marks for my 3 classes were pretty good, and the exams were not worth as much as the culminating- which, I got really good marks on :) . Idk, hopefully the teachers cut me some slack. **

** Anyway, **

**I got some time off from school now. Just for a couple of days but hopefully I'll be able to write more. Actually, depending on how I want to write this, you might get more chapters or just a few. I have many alternatives on how to continue this story. However, there is the factor of Deadpool's personality that is making me cut out half of the ideas I have. **

***SPOILERS!***

**So I read the spoilers of Deadpool's wedding and who the bride will be. I'm actually so happy with the spoilers. I'm glad he's not with Death. Cuz really, if it did turn out to be how everyone wants it, then there would be no more DP. I don't really understand why people want her anyway. Wouldn't that mean Deadpool dies? Have people not considered that? xD**

**Can't wait to see Shiklah and Deadpool in the new issues! Yay!**


	21. His Possession

**24 hours ago, in an unknown location:**

**"So you want me to kill Deadpool so you can have the girl? Am I getting this right?" He asked the man before him. He didn't bother looking at the other men that sat at the table before him. He focused on the guy in charge.**

**"Well, this is going to be the easiest 7 mil I'll get" he smirked**

**"It's not that simple. You did read the background information we gave you regarding the mercenary and Miss Paisley right?"**

**"Sure, sure. I've read- heard- about them. But thanks to you boostin my healing factor and all the jazz, I think when I bring her to you accompanied by Dp's head on a silver platter, you'll be beggin me to be your permanent employee"**

**The boss said nothing and a few other guys murmured incoherent things to each other.**

**"Plus, I have her as a partner," he grinned as a woman came from behind him in the shadows.**

**When the Boss saw her, he nearly choked on his own spit. "Y-you're-!"**

**She didn't bother to answer. But a smile remained on her light brown lips. **

**"By the way, I think we're gonna need another 7 mil. She doesn't wanna share with me. Well, actually we both wouldn't want to share this amount of dough. You know how it is" he mused. When he looked around, he decided to let his power roam free and pick at the all the thoughts of the men. Not that he needed to read their mind. With the amount of sweat he saw rolling off the crowded fat face, he knew that the boss man was starting to reconsider this.**

**Stupid man.**

**"C'mon guys. You're affiliated with Weapon X. I know you guys are practically drowning in money. Surely you can spare a few dimes for little ol' us. After all," He teleported and was already right in front of the boss man's neck, two of his swords criss crossed around his fat throat "You're not really in a position to reconsider now. You really wouldn't want to dig your grave any ****_deeeper_****!" he sang in warning, closing the space between his knives and the boss's neck. Despite him gripping his arm chair even tighter, something flickered in the man's eyes.**

**"Ever since she escaped the program, we have followed her every move. Ever since Erik failed to assassinate her, her powers that she has pushed down have only gotten stronger. She is like a kettle that has been on the stove too long. Her powers are beginning to boil over, she will lose control. We have to bring her in NOW, before she reveals everything we have worked so hard to keep hidden. We are not backing out and we are ready to pay the exact amount owed to you and your partner"**

**Besides, to have her again- back in his hands- he would do anything, put everything on the line, just to have her back in his possession. She was always his favorite child, sister, mother and****_ lover_****, the only one who he was genuinely most proud of. His other soldiers were actually just the playthings which he would let her bat around with when she was bored. And even in those times where she would rest after after 3 days of nothing but assassinations, he would watch her, admire her, pet her and shower her with words of praise for doing such a good job for daddy. Suddenly he was pulled from his memories.**

**A soft smile adorned the assassin "Couldn't have said it any better Mr. Quincy"**

**With the idea of his pet coming home to him, an even wider smile appeared on Mr. Quincy's face "Proteus, Aella, bring her in"**

**With the two finally on the same page, the woman watched in excitement.**

**"Oh Deadpool, you have no idea how fast my heart is beating. Don't worry your pretty little scarred head, your girl is coming to make it all better"**

**As the two headed out, Proteus glanced at the pictures of his targets.**

**"So should we bring them in straight away or-" Aella asked**

**"No, no. I wanna make this last. Let's just play with them for awhile," he replied**

**He didn't care much for the man, but his other target looked very promising.**

**"Let's see if this bodyguard business is strictly business" he licked his lips. Aella turned to him and glared, and he laughed, knowing that he touched a nerve. **

**Without a second thought about it, he flicked the picture of Deadpool out of his hand, not caring where the wind would take it and slipped the other picture in between his hand and glove, letting it rest in his warm palm. **


	22. A Place In Paradise Doesn't Come Cheap

Deadpool let out a long sigh and settled into the bed. The sheets were a mess, the furniture was destroyed and he glanced over at Jessica, who was still trying to catch her breath.

"Oh my god…." she sighed. "6 times?"

"Sorry, That's never happened to me before. I must be feeling a bit tired" he replied as he closed his eyes.

After a moment of silence, he opened them again.

"Okay, I'm ready again!" He jumped on her and his hands started getting straight to work.

"Wade..."

"Whamph?" he said

"Wake up"

He looked up at her

what?

"Wake up Wade…"

"_Oh fuck no_"

"Wade..!"

"Oh are you fucking-"

"_WADE!_"

"**_-KIDDING ME_****!**" He yelled as his eyes snapped open. Jessica tumbled backward off the bed as he rose up faster than she could grab him for balance.

She let out a slightly angry hiss and got up. She could hear him talking to himself again, except his tone was incredibly pissy.

"_Stupid dream. Mother fucker Salome..going to kill her. Told her to GO WITH THE DAMN SCRIPT__ I WROTE_"

She crawled back onto the bed and waited until he was done his psychotic rant. Finally he looked at her.

"What happened last night"

"Lots of stuff"

"Jessica. Tell me what happened."

"Jeez, where do I start," she got herself comfortable and got out her phone. She crawled over and sat beside him, showing him the first set of pictures that were taken from last night. "Let's see. Well, you were quite stable when you came back and met Ethan and Dex-" she said as she showed her the first picture of the four of them.

_So that was real_

"Except once you took a swig of your drink, you started getting all loopy. Loopier than I've ever seen you."

She swiped through the next one and Deadpool nearly cringed at what he saw

"You proceeded to get up on stage, and sing to me- actually it was more like sobbing- all of Brian Adam's best hits. You also sang/cried the theme song of _Golden Girls_-"

_Yuck. Who knew I was such an ugly crier_

"-then we got got kicked out when you threatened to burn down the bar and got in a fight with the bouncer. Then, you took me to a monster truck rally. When you saw the door you held up a line because you wanted to keep running around in the turnstile and kept asking at me to jump in. Um, might wanna look on your phone for that picture" she continued.

"OH MY- oh, that actually turned out nice. Man, look how clear that is! I'm _soo_ posting that on poolgram"

"-Then you managed to actually be part of the show and I don't think people appreciated the ending when you mooned all of them. It didn't help that you completely stole the show and made all the other truckers have to move to the side to avoid getting hit by you"

"Huh. But Jess, you gotta tell me one thing,"

"What?"

"...Did. we. kiss?"

She quickly shook her head.

"Hey what are you doing?- what's wrong?" she asked sweetly as she watched him go into a fetal position, gripping the pillow and quietly sobbing to himself.

"Nooooo" he grumbled into the pillow. "That asshole. Stupid. bittttch!"

"Hey!"

"No, not you sweetie. Just- forget it"

She felt bad for lying. She only did it because she realized that her odd attraction to him did not mean the relationship could go any further. It was odd, realizing the sexual tension between them, but regardless of their attraction to one another, she thought it would be best and try to avoid the truth of what happened last night.

if that made any sense.

She busied herself with tidying up to distract herself and let him have his moment to himself.

After he finished, he got up and saw Jessica in the bathroom silently putting away things and cleaning up.

_[ask her what happened when we got home]_

_(Yeah, she's not like Salome. She wouldn't lie!)_

"Jess, what happened when we got home?"

Refusing to turn around, she felt her mind and heart race again.

"N-nothing. W-we just got home and I let you collapse on my bed. It was really hard t-to keep you walking. I had t-to drag y-you halfway" She heard her voice beginning to betray her, but some unknown force was making her keep talking, making her sound more of a liar each time she stuttered.

He raised his eyebrow and slowly got up, walking closer and closer to her.

"-A-and I don't know, maybe i shoulda h-have used the-"

he spun her around and saw that she was completely red in the face, only confirming his suspicion of her lying.

_[I retract my last statement. She's a liar too.]_

_(liar liar pants on fire!..._

_…...umm, does anyone actually know how the rest of the song goes?)_

"Jessica, I know when you're lying. Now hurry up and spill it before your pants go on fire"

While Wade studied her expression, Jessica studied the floor, not wanting to tell him. Wade caught her eyes looking at the small gap between him and the wall, and almost smiled at the defiant look in her eyes.

"Seriously? We're doing this?"

"..."

"Just try it," he warned "I dare you"

Like a wild animal seeing an opportunity to flee, Jessica bolted, and just under a small graze, was able to make it around him, rushing to the hallway door.

Just when she was about to turn the doorknob, she felt his hand catching the back of her shirt, pulling her back into the room.

"Nooo!" she whined as she dug her nails into the door, gripping hard on the doorknob. Wrapping his arms around her legs, he tugged and tugged as hard as he could without hurting her, but she refused to let go.

"Jessica-!" he pulled again

"No!" she held on as hard as she could

"**Tell!**-" 4 more pulls

"No!"

"-**Me**!"

"No!"

"-**What-**"

"No!"

"-**Happened**!"

"Noo!" she whined

**"FINE! YOU SUCK"**

Unexpectedly, she landed on the ground with a loud thud and she could hear him stomping away.

She breathed again and in that moment of silence, she pried her hands away from the doorknob. Suddenly-

"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

He completely hoisted her up and threw her over his shoulder.

"NO, WADE! PUT ME DOWN!" she cried out, her fingers clawing at anything to keep her from the confrontation she was going to face. She wriggled and kicked and even clawed at his back- but he paid no attention.

"Are you done?" he said as he sat on the bed, boredly staring straight ahead of him.

Jessica didn't bother to listen to what he was saying- she was too busy clawing and whimpering, doing anything to avoid what was coming next. He glanced over and realized something. Suddenly a small smile appeared under his mask.

"Jessica-"

"Put me down, put me down! Let me go!" she wriggled and kicked her legs

"Don't make me-"

"Wade, I'm not kidding! _Let. me. go_!" She pounded her fists against his back

"Okay, you asked for this sweetums"

"_Please, please, Wade! Put. ME. D-__**AHH**__!_" She screamed when she felt a sharp stinging pain on her bottom. Blinded by such shock and anger, she hoisted her upper body up and wrapped her arms tightly around his head, giving her a tight hold onto him so she could sink her small but incredibly sharp teeth into the crown of his head.

She heard him cry out

_[Did she just bite your head?!]_

_[well we did slap her on the butt]_

_(Jeez, this is escalating quickly!)_

"Can't complain though, I kinda like where this is going" he winced at the slight pain. Without a second thought, he threw her completely over his shoulder and onto the bed. She quickly got up and tried once again to swerve around him, but he grabbed her and plopped her back onto the bed, holding her wrists together. He crouched down, staring at Jessica who only refused to look at him and turned her head to focus on the wall.

"Jessica. Tell me._ Did. We. Kiss_?"

Silence followed.

She didn't bother to answer, she just nodded.

"So everything that happened yesterday?"

she nodded again.

"But earlier you said-"

"I know, okay?" Her voice was shaky, tears started flowing. "I-I just couldn't tell you! I d-didn't want to!"

"Whoa, why are you crying?!"

"_Because you dummy, that was my first kiss_!"

More silence followed. He let go and she held her wrists to her chest.

"I get it," he said softly. He stood up and looked down at her, his shoulders slumped and his expression regretful. "Why kiss me? I'm a freak, right?" he smiled bitterly.

She opened her eyes and looked up at him. But she realized he wasn't there in front of her anymore. He was already walking toward the door. Finally she realized what he meant.

"Wade I didn't mean-"

He felt his doubts and anxiety resurface.

_She's probably trying to erase every bit of what happened from her mind. Ugh, she's going to destroy me now. I can feel it. I can see it in her eyes. That's what I hate about women, especially women like her. She's rich. She's beautiful. She knows she can do whatever the hell she wants and use anyone till she's gotten what she's wanted. Face it, she was completely smashed last night and what happened doesn't mean anything to her._

_Bitch._

He laughed to himself. "And here I thought you actually gave a** shit**._ I know. It was a mistake. You were drunk. Sorry I took advantage of you (even though you were the one that totally put your hand down my pants)_"

"Mistake? What-"

"_Don't worry, I'm doin you a favour. Actually I'm doin' myself a favour_."

"Wade-"

"_You regret it! And whatever, that's fine. Just don't make things any weirder than they already are. So if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go eat everything in your fridge_,"

"Wade..."

"_-go into a mini food coma, probably try something so I'll see Death again_-"

"**_Wade!_**"

Deadpool stopped talking when he felt a hand on his shoulder. She frowned when he didn't look at her and stared at her hand. She lightly gripped his chin and made him look down at her. Her tears were gone and she looked straight up at him.

"It was _not_ a mistake. I don't regret it."

"Um..," she sighed, turning red from what she was about to say. "I...wasn't that drunk"

Now it was her turn to avoid eye contact.

He blinked. "Wait, what?"

She took a breath and continued "I wasn't that drunk. I remember what happened."

"But why did you-?"

"Oh, Wade" She whined, covering her face with one hand "Don't make me spell it out for you!"

Suddenly his heart started beating again. His eyes widened and his smile was getting bigger.

"Wade, I really like you. I promised myself that I would save my first kiss until I was married. But when you kissed me, I didn't want to stop. I know I sound like such an idiot, but I've liked you for a while now. You're wonderful. I'm grateful that I met you"

"What about when you ran to the bathroom? It wasn't because of-?"

"No. I just suck at keepin in my alcohol. Didn't want you to see me- well, y'know." she laughed lightly.

She glanced over at him and squeaked, quickly looking away from him.

"Nooo, stop smiling like that!"

"So are we-?"

she nodded. "Unless you think otherwise?"

He thought about it. The risks that came with whatever was happening between them. Of course he wanted this. But If they could really stay together, he knew it wouldn't be all shits and giggles. More like potential assassinations and danger that he wasn't sure he could risk her being apart of.

He didn't want her to get caught up in messes that he made in the past. But when her eyes shimmered in determination and her face showed nothing but hope and happiness, he couldn't help but grin. A place in paradise doesn't come cheap, but he was willing to bet that he- _they_ would find a way to roll with the punches.

Suddenly she felt herself being pulled and she closed her eyes, not wanting to look at him.

"Ah, what the hell. Let's try and see where this goes kiddo"

She kept her eyes closed, and Wade pressed his lips to hers. She could feel him planting soft kisses on her lips, and each kiss made her want to hold him tighter. She hated when people- especially men- touched her. It reminded her of how roughly she was treated in the brothel. But his hands, the heat and his touch were beginning to rewrite her hatred, her shame that stemmed from the early exposure to sexual abuse that happened in that brothel. She felt a great weight come off of her, she was grateful that she was finally able to say what was draining her emotionally and physically.

"Jess,"

She opened her eyes and saw his expression had grown concerned. He wiped a tear from her eye.

"This is supposed to be a romantic lovey dovey moment here. Why are you crying again?" he asked quietly.

"Because-"

* * *

They were sitting on her bed. She didn't bother to look at him. She was scared at first, about telling him about her childhood. Her first years in the orphanage. About the priest selling her and her friends to a brothel. Learning how to survive those wolves that paid hundreds of dollars to see her privately.

However, while she spilled her guts about everything and the eventual adoption from Hailey and Alex, she left out the part about the extreme military training she got. About the government taking her in and training her to snap a man's neck without the slightest hint of emotion. And the multiple experiments that she stupidly accepted.

She hated herself that she felt nothing more than just the quick twisting of the neck and her lack of compassion. She did not need sympathy from him in that department. But she would tell him eventually, just not now.

"Anyways," She sighed and got up "What's done is done."

He remained quiet. She felt better, and felt no tears welling up, which was good- it was a sign that she was getting stronger.

"Sorry, I totally ruined the moment"

"Jessica, I'm sorry. I really am."

She smiled "It's fine. It happened a long time ago. The fact that I'm not crying again means that I've gotten just a tad bit stronger."

He looked at her, still looking at her with doubt. "You don't seem too fazed by it"

"Probably because everything seems ten times more better after getting out of there….Oh c'mon. I'm not thinking about it, and you shouldn't either. I'm alive, I'm healthy, I have a good home and most importantly-"

"I don't really understand"

"What?" she said lightly, still brushing her hair

"How are you able to just keep going? Don't you feel anything after all that's happened?"

"Of course I did. I had nightmares. Some were so gorey and painful that I lost sleep for days. As much as I just wanted to die, my sanctuary was being brought into a family. That's what really kept me going"

Jessica got up to put her brush away.

Still trying to grasp the fact that her past was probably just about as fucked up as his, he cleared his throat.

"Anything else I won't be able to find on wikipedia?" He half joked

She took no offense and simply replied "Yes. Tons, actually. But I don't really feel comfortable explaining now."

"Eventually?"

"Eventually."

* * *

**Author's notes: OMG it is freaking midnight. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna hallucinate soon if I don't go to bed. **

**Also, ^.^**

** AHHH I'm sorry I took so long with posting new chapters! T.T**

**umm...**

**that is all. Oh! And reviews are welcome :) Let me know if there are any grammar mistakes and whatnot, that would really help me out! **

***awkward silence***

***runs away***


	23. LEEROOY JEEENKIINSS!

**Author's Notes: So for some reason, I can't reply to the reviews I saw on chapter 20 & 21. Idk, it said something about whoever posted was not a member or whatever.**

**But I will reply here!**

**So firstly,**

**Yes, I am aware it's almost next to impossible for DP to get drunk. Well, _now_ they're (and when I say they I mean the creators of the Deadpool video game) saying he's not able to get drunk. However, the only reason why I decided to go with what I wrote was because, if I remember correctly, in issue 12-possibly 13- of _The Drowning Man_, Deadpool _was_ able to get drunk. Hence, the whole thing of him getting all emotional, Terry appears, he believes it is Terry- and yadda, yadda, yadda, I don't wanna spoil it because you should totally go read that issue. Also, there is the fact that the drink he took in chapter 20 was not just alcohol. It was laced with roofies- and recently I had just bought the arc where Deadpool is sorta an X men member (Y'know, the one where he tries to show Cyclops his "moves", and frickin takes over the live interview where Norman Osborn is talking about his daughter Mercury) and since Domino was able to knock him out with just a glass of roofies, I decided to write chapter 20 based on that. Sorta. Very Loosely.**

**Anyway, so Drowning man + Domino's semi pervy tactic to use roofies= my chapter 20 fanfic! (yaay)**

**Moving on.**

**So for chapter 21's review: should that be a good thing or bad thing? Cuz the only thing I can tell you now is that that scene happened a day early before Dp's and Jess's date thing (if that answers your confusion :| ). More will be explained in later chapters!**

* * *

"Why are we here again?"

"I told ya. I wanna see their surveillance videos of last night. If you weren't the pervert who drugged me up, then I wanna see who was stupid enough to"

He looked over her shoulder, and saw that she was struggling with the wig and big sunglasses that he made her put on. Since he was going to do some B&E, it would be better if no one recognized her as his partner in crime.

They entered the bar again. Except instead of entering like regular people, Deadpool kicked the door open dramatically, making everyone in the bar- and Jessica who was behind him- jump.

"That wasn't really necessary"

"Oh, but it was. I love catching people in the act. That's why I always whip open doors" he replied stealthily.

"It's a glass window though" she mumbled

"ALRIGHT YOU HOOLIGANS, LEAD ME TO YOUR BOSS-"

_["Hooligans'"?]_

"-ANYONE ELSE WHO DOESN'T WANT TO GET CAUGHT UP INTO THE AWESOME FIERY TAE KWON DO MOVES I'M ABOUT TO WHIP OUT, GET OUT"

"Like they're actually going to-"

Suddenly she jumped out of the way of the crowds of people that ran out of there. Nothing was left except some glasses that were wobbling from the speed of everyone and a few wafts of dust settling.

"Oh? What were you just saying? 'Like they'd actually listen'? What's this then?" he smiled arrogantly as he strutted into the bar.

She rolled her eyes and quietly followed behind him. They found a dark hallway and saw a door at the end of the hall. They could see a light coming from under the door and a shadow moving around. He turned to her and silently brought his index finger up to his lips, indicating to keep quiet. With a small nod from her, he turned and breathed deeply.

_[Now's a pretty good time to show her our skills]_

_(Bitc- I mean, girls love a guy with great skills!)_

"Observe the stealthiest ninja as he slowly but super cooly makes his way to his prey" he whispered to her, but more to himself. She raised her eyebrow at him, wondering if he was really going to narrate himself. "Quietly, his uber sexy body moves and his-"

Suddenly his foot felt something wet and slippery and before he could grab onto something, he completely face planted hard into the waxed floor.

Jessica gasped, and slapped her hand over her mouth, frightened that he passed out

Looking quickly at the door and back at her bodyguard, she quietly tip toed around and rolled him over.

"Wade...Wade! Stay with me, don't pass out!" she whispered

"Don't go into the liiighht" He gurgled, looking at the ceiling fan and reaching out to it, drifting in and out of consciousness.

"Oh god, your nose! It's completely bent!"

Suddenly she heard loud footsteps that were coming from behind the door at the end of the hall.

Not knowing what else to do, she picked the nearest door to them and temporarily leaving him there, went to go open it. The footsteps became louder, and with all her strength, she managed to pull him into the room, closing it just when she heard the door creak open. Settling him against the door, she quickly locked it. She held her breath and listened to whatever was happening on the other side of the door. She heard the footsteps get louder, each step getting closer and closer to where they were. She shut her eyes, praying to god that they would be okay. She held the doorknob firmly, ready to push and keep whoever was outside to keep from coming inside. She felt the the doorknob being touched, the vibrations thrumming through her hand. Just when she heard a set of keys, she heard a telephone ringing very loudly. Suddenly the footsteps quickly thumped away, and a loud slam of a door was heard.

Then it was quiet again.

her heart nearly dropped but a small victorious smile appeared on her lips.

She quietly sighed out in relief and she felt Deadpool start to move again.

" 'shorry Jesh. Give' ush five more 'minutsh" he slurred, lazily cracking his nose back into place. She crouched down and started lightly smacking his face to keep him awake.

_(Ooooh, look! There's six of her!)_

_[Let'ss S've smexy times with allofthem!]_

"I don't get it. You couldn't possibly have fallen that hard" she replied, still whispering to him.

He laughed and slumped over more. "Life alert. 'Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!' "

Seeing that he was still joking, she concluded that he would be fine. She shook her head at him and busied herself with checking around the room. Without saying another word, she got up and realized where they were.

With his vision clearing, he blinked a couple of times. The blurriness was fading and the flashing spots were going away too. Still slightly wobbly, he got up and cracked his neck.

"Y'know whats s'great for that commercial? _Let the bodies hit the floor_ by _Drowning pool_"

"Look," she said.

He glanced over at what she was pointing at and whistled.

"How convenient" he walked past her and stared at all the monitors that showed different angles of the bar. From the hallways to outside the bar to even the bathrooms, each camera was capturing everything.

While she went back to the door to check outside, he fiddled around with the keyboards and finally saw himself on the video at the bar.

He was standing waiting for the drinks and suddenly a dark haired girl walked up beside him. She was older and was exposing a lot of cleavage.

"Ohhh right. Then I-"

"Is she flirting with you?"

Deadpool turned and saw Jessica staring at the monitor, a blank expression adorning her face.

He turned to the monitor and saw himself leaning toward her, talking, and the woman smiling at him, batting her eyelashes and laughing with him.

"...maybe."

"Fast worker" she observed.

"What can I say? The moms love me"

"Ew" she half chuckled.

"I dated a milf once. I also dated a gilf. Like a grandp-"

"SsSsHhH!" she shook her head quickly and covered his mouth, not wanting to hear anymore. He continued talking through her hand, trying to speak louder so he could see her squirm in disgust more. He always like it when she started flustering from how icked out she got. "Look, she's putting something in your drink!"

Gently pushing her hand away, he looked at the video showing him turning to look at something, and the woman quickly slipping something in his drink.

"Good gravy! SHE'S A PERVERT!" he exclaimed.

_[Damn. What a wasted opportunity]_

"I know! I didn't even get to use my rape whistle and pepper spray" he replied sadly as he pulled out his whistle and spray. "I wonder what caught my attention…"

"Um, s'not that hard."

He looked at her, a tad confused but waiting for her to answer.

"The drinking game that was going on between Jackie Chan and Bea Arthur you saw. You told me you got distracted. That was probably what you were looking at.. the real question is who the heck was that person" she looked at him. "An old flame?"

"No. I've never seen her in my life"

They watched as Deadpool turned and without being aware of his drink being spiked, said something to the woman and left. She stood there for a few minutes and another man appeared beside her. The two left together.

"Think they were together?"

"Partners?" she replied

"Amigos perhaps?"

She looked at him and from not seeing any sort of smile appear, realized that he was being dead serious. "Never not joking" she couldn't help but smile.

"They'll be back" he said in his best terminator voice.

"For sure"

Suddenly they heard footsteps, signalling their time to disappear.

"Alrighty then, looks like it's time to make like a tree and leave."

"You mean make like a banana and split?"

"Hey, you don't make the jokes around here, I do. I think I know what I'm talking about"

* * *

**Author's note: next scene :)**

* * *

"I feel weird. Like I'm not allowed to move" Jessica said as she looked at herself in the mirror.

"You done yet? Not to sound like a jerk face but I've been waiting here for eternity!"

"Tsk, tsk. You're so impatient." she mumbled as she put on her black kitten heels. She didn't like the 8 inch heels or skyscraper ones that most women wore. She'd seen how many women wipe out on those death traps and she would spare herself the embarrassment and pain.

"Maybe I shouldn't have gone to that salon" she added, looking at the fancy looking french braid and nails they insisted on. "As if I couldn't feel any more self conscious" she muttered.

When she walked into the kitchen she saw him pouring himself a Coke.

"You're spilling" she said, smiling.

While Deadpool mopped up the counter with a paper towel, he kept darting glances at her.

She looked at herself in the full length mirror. She wore the dress that he liked and tried to look as comfortable as she could. But it was almost next to impossible, especially since she was soon going to be reminded of how many stares she was going to draw.

"Turn around again," Deadpool suggested a little hoarsely.

She raised her eyebrows in a silent question. She shrugged to herself and rotated slowly.

"You look mouthwatering" he said sincerely.

"Thanks" she said, trying hard not to beam like an idiot. "You look pretty good too" she walked over to him and fixed up his black bowtie. "_you clean up niice_" she murmured to herself as she watched her hands start to wander over his chest.

_(She totally wants us)_

_You mean me. She totally wants me._

_(Well, I'm you. So potato potahto)_

"Jeez woman, at least try to restrain yourself" he said, the corners of his lips turning upward.

"You try to restrain yourself" she said mockingly.

"Ouch, that kinda hurt"

Hesitantly, she went on her tippy toes and pressed her lips to his through his mask.

She did it once.

Then twice.

"Aw, poor baby" she smiled, "How much does it hurt?" she whispered, sending a shiver throughout his body.

"More than when I saw _X Men Origins_- Ah, ah, ah" he warned as grabbed her hands when they started going for his mask. "Sorry, but we gotta go kitten"

"B-but-"

"No, no." he said simply. "D'ere's no thyme Vor any hanky panky. Ve gotta get you to zat parteh"

(Why did you suddenly turn Russian?)

"It's my count chocula impression! Or Count Von Count, whatever you think was close" he beamed.

Slightly annoyed by his obvious scheme, she sighed and let him go, letting him drag her to the benefit she really did not want to go to anymore.

* * *

**At the benefit**

"Stop fidgeting"

I grabbed her hands and pried them apart, unknotting her fingers that stabbed into her hands.

"Jeez, calm down woman. S'not like you're going to the electric chair"

_[haha. "S'not"]_

_Oh you're so mature._

"S-sorry I just get so nervous. I'm still not used to going to these kinds of things. I don't know what to expect. What if something bad happens? What if I say good morning to someone instead of-?"

"GUUD EIV'NING. AH-AH-AH" I finished in my Transylvania accent.

_better?_

_[much, actually. ]_

_(I give it a star and a thumbs up)_

_[that's not exactly an accurate rating. How do you-]_

_(Don't know.. You're the smarty mcFarty one, figure it out)_

"We could still go home." suddenly she brightened. "Yeah, let's just go home."

She started turning around and walking away but I lifted her up and set her back down in front of me, gently pushing her toward the set of stairs.

"You're almost as bad as Bob. Scared shitless about everything." I said, grabbing her wrist and starting up the stairs to where the party was.

"I don't know why you have to be so scared about stuff like this. You'll blend right in. Me on the other hand…" I trailed off. "Well that's why I have this!" I took out my top hat and possibly overly exaggerated mustache.

"Nobody will know who I am!"

_(amazing!)_

_[Yeah, completely. That is a stroke of genius. Hopefully the readers will note the sarcasm]_

Just before we entered through the doorway, I took a glance at the hallway mirror that was placed on the right side of me. "Hmm...does this 'stache make my head look fat?"

"No, you just look like you're ready to tie someone to a set of train tracks" she laughed at me through the mirror.

"Perfect. That's what I was going for" I said. "Now c'mon, I'm going to rock this party harder than Lindsay Lohan and Miley Cyrus put together."

_[*shiver* I did not need that mental image]_

"Maybe I'll steal your thunder, leave a couple of men with broken hearts...annnd try not to get arrested".

She wrapped her arm through mine and looked at the door confidently. "Let's do this..."

"LEEEEEROOOOOOOY JEEEENKIIINSS!"

* * *

**Later**

"Stop. Don't even start with me."

"What?"

"I know when you're joking around"

"I'm not joking around!"

"_Octopus's Garden_? Seriously?"

"I'm not joking, that's the best Beatles song ever recorded!"

"Might as well just say _Piggie_s" I replied in disgust.

She furrowed her eyebrows and whimpered "C'mon I love Ringo Starr"

"_Nobody loves Ringo Starr_"

"But that's what I love about him" she sighed.

"You just lost cool points for that" I said as I shook might head and took a swig of my drink.

**"Yo. How's it going?"**

_[Who the hell is that?]_

I turned and saw a guy standing next to Jessica.

"Oh look hunny, he looks like a regular douchebag with a side of steroids" I laughed.

"Uh, okay." she replied to the douchenozzle.

"You live around here?"

"..Um, yeah, not too far"

"Never seen you here before"

"You're not too observant"

"ha, that's funny. You're funny" he said. "So let me buy you a drink"

"No thank you"

"You with this guy?"

"Hey Douc-"

"**Whatever**. So c'mon, one drink, what're you drinking?"

"I said no thanks."

"You're serious?_ This guy_?"

_kill him?_

_[No, don't do it]_

_(Umm, no. Judging from how much Jessica is squeezing your knee, probably not)_

"Look, I'm flattered, but I'm not interested so why don't you go over there and leave us alone, okay? Thanks"

_[There, see? She took care of it]_

My eyes focused on the long line of green bottles that were placed behind the bar. What if he persisted?

"He's doing me a favor. I haven't drop kicked anybody since chapter 19"

What if a fight starts?

"refer to the previous statement I made"

"Can't believe_ this_ is your boyfriend" The man laughed.

"Hey buddy, SUR-PRIISE!" I seethed as I grabbed him and decked him right in the face. With a satisfying crunch of his nose breaking, I watched him crumple to the floor. I walked back to the bar, letting out a huff of laughter through my schnoz.

"How's that for gettin the job-"

"What are you doing?" she said turning to me, a slightly angry expression appearing on his face.

_….Sphincter says what?_

_She's getting pissed off at me?_

Before we could start bickering like an old couple, someone grabbed my shoulder and whirled me around, and suddenly I was face deep in a set of brass knuckles.

_Then I faint- I mean, I blacked out._

_[you fainted]_

_NO I DIDN'T. I BLACKED OUT. CASE CLOSED._

_[Faaaain~teed]_

* * *

"That felt weird! It felt like it was happening really fast, but really it also felt like it was happening super slow. It's been awhile since I've had a slo mo scene. Still, I'm glad I was able to pants him mid faint- _mid black out_." I said as I plopped myself on the edge of the bed.

_[should have expected the brass knuckles]_

"Yeah, well, what're you gonna do. Least I pantsed him"

So we left that crap party cuz it was boring as hell,

_[Um, it was more like kicked out. We got kicked out]_

-And now we were warm and cozy, candles lit, fireplace on and snuggling like two bugs in a rug.

_(I've never seen her sit this far away from us before)_

"Hopefully you got that on camera. We're totally going to make 12 million hits on Youtube-"

_[Colombian women have scary glares]_

"-Can't wait till they do an auto tune version of it-"

_(Yup. Her glare is officially scaring the shit outta me)_

_[Gosh, I can just FEEL the love in this room]_

"Ugh, look, Jessica, I'm trying here. Why can't you just let it go?"

"Let what go?" she replied as she got up.

"Don't start with me. You know what I'm talking about." I deadpanned.

I took a glance at her face and tried to hold my laughter.

"What are you smiling about?" she asked as she pulled out a suitcase and started to fill it with clothes.

"We're having our first fight :3 "

"I just- I can't believe you."

"You can't believe _me_?"

"You were so completely, _completely_-"

"I just got my ass semi kicked for you"

"Really? Was that for my benefit?"

"Yeesh"

"Well, next time, please don't-"

"Why?"

"Because you can't just go and beat up everybody without thinking that no one is going to notice. I'm-"

"Jessica,_ you heard what he said_._ I had every goddamn right to break his nose_."

She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. She settled beside me on the bed and something flickered in her eyes.

_(Is it smexy hot make out time? Cause I think it iss~:D)_

_[More like 'she's-going-to-kick-your-ass' time. You guys really believe-]_

_Hallelujah! Cue the choir boys singing while holy light beams down!_

"I know. And he deserved it..."

_[Wait, she's apologizing?!]_

_(HA, see? I'm right!)_

_There's something oddly refreshing about having a woman admit that she was wrong :)_

_"But-"_

_Oh goddammit. Just when you're about to have some hot make out scene, there's always someone's big butt in the way! Well fuck that, the only butt I'll accept is hers, so hurry up, hurry up! _

"But….?" I repeated as her hands came up to the sides of my face. Her eyes followed her nails that grazed up to my cheekbone and down to my mouth. Suddenly she pushed me down and crawled on top of me. "Promise me you won't go _too_ far with it, okay?" she said quietly as her one of her hands gently caressed the back of my head.

She grazes my neck and I'm already breathing heavy

_[Seems like you're having a little trouble with her :)]_

_Shut up. I have this under control_

She sits up and pulls out the hair clip in her hair. With the hooded eyes and the predatory look I've never seen her show, I can't help but blurt out

"Is that your 'shit-is-getting-real' face?"

She briefly licked her top lip and her hands trail down to my stomach. "You still haven't answered me"

"C'mon Jess you know that's impos-"

She sits me up, and before I can stop her, she pulls my mask over my lips and-

_(Holy shit!)_

_[Woah, calm down! The walls of your brain are literally melting!]_

_(WoOoOaAaH! Rainbows! Unicorns! WHEEE!)_

_[Er, Salome, need some help here! He's-_

_ i-iss-like,_

_ uummmm...wha's tha'... _

_ guhhhhhhhhhhhhrgghfghfhhfhhhhhhhhh]_

* * *

**So I guess I'm taking over now? Alrighty then...**

* * *

It was still early in the evening and rain had begun to patter against the window. She briefly looked at the clock that was behind him. It read 8:00 PM. She knew she shouldn't have used this tactic to persuade him, but with his teeth hungrily nipping at her bottom lip and his hands that were determined to touch every curve of her body, she couldn't help but smile.

She heard a low groan emit from him and before he could pull down the zipper of her dress, she gently pulled away. With a soft pop of their lips unlocking, she still reminded him about the small demand she made. "Wade, answer me. Promise me you won't go too far" She breathed. She kissed his neck and let his hand touch the back of her bare leg. With the small jerks of his body writhing, she could tell he was getting impatient.

"Jessica..." he gasped she licked the side of his cheek.

"Are you going to faint again?" she teased.

"S-shut up" he sputtered out as she cupped his face in her hands. He was dazed, incredibly aroused and the more she touched the harder it was for him not to tear that dress off her.

"_C'mon Wade, how difficult would it be to just make a promise? I'm not asking for much here"_

"You are" he said.

"...You really love getting in trouble, don't you?"

"Can't help it. I like fighting. I like the sound of my boot going into someone's gut. I like torturing someone with William Shatner's CD of Christmas carols."

She sighed. "What's a girl to do with a mercenary like you?"

He sighed and put his hand over his forehead. "Oh, I dunno, maybe another kiss would do the trick."

He grinned when she looked down at him with skepticism.

"Hey, you never know where it could lead" he reasoned.

"Please. I'm not that oblivious to your perviness" she replied. "Plus, _this right here"_

She heard another moan of pleasure when she gripped him through his pants.

"-has said more than enough."

"_Goodness. How bold of you, miss Paisley- nnn!"_ he suppressed another groan when she started moving her hand.

_[ This is sad.]_

_What the hell does that mean?_

_(Look at you. She's looking down at you with such interest, such innocence. She's just watching you get off. Don't you get it?)_

_..._

_[SHE'S TURNING YOU INTO THE B**CH!]_

_"I"m not giving in" _He hissed back. He felt his body getting hotter. "_nnn__Fuck that feels awesome!"_

"No? Well, okay then" She unwrapped her fingers and rolled off him and onto the bed.

"Hey, where're you?-" he quickly sat up and gripped his other hand down that wanted to reach out to her.

"You won't agree to the smallest request I made." She said in her usual sweet voice. "I'm not gonna yell at you. Or lose my temper because of your stubborn attitude. Just remember, you're the one who said no". With a small yawn, she turned off the lamp, took off her pants, and snuggled into her blankets. "Remember we gotta get up early tomorrow for London. Night, Poolie"

He sat in the dark,

aroused,

angry,

shocked,

his brain still processing what just happened

but in that moment where he heard nothing but the clock strangling him with each soft ticking sound, he thought about his little buddy, who was still pushing against his pants, begging for release. Does he go crawling back to her? Or does he just continue to sit there, with an erection? Crawling back, or prove the voices wrong and stick with his decision? Be the collared dog, or be the rebel his fans knew and loved and come (haha, "come") out of this a man and keep his machismo intact?

"Ow" he whimpered.

Jessica smiled to herself as she heard him get out of bed, stomp into the bathroom and slam the door shut.

hopefully those boring furniture magazines she left were enough to simmer him down.


	24. A New Level of Crazy

**Author's Notes: Hey everyone! So it's been a while since I've posted a new chapter- for which, I apologize for- ok, let's get this goin!**

**BTW, if you see {} that means Jess is speaking Spanish. I would use Google translate...**

**..if it actually translated correctly. Did ya'll not see that google translation of 'Let it go' on youtube? Yup, it's _really _trustworthy xD **

* * *

**~~A few days later in London**

* * *

The first one to wake up was Deadpool, awakened by the sound of traffic outside. He walked around the streets for a while, not exactly paying attention to the hundreds of people he butted shoulders with and giving less of a shit at all the stares he was getting.

_[I bet we would draw less stares if we climbed on top of that tower]_

_"_Good idea"

With a stolen-

"S'cuse me, borrowed"

_borrowed _cup of coffee he yawned and walked along the ledge of the bell tower, finally sitting down with morning breakfast of a single burrito in his left hand and his coffee in the other hand.

"Of all places," he looked down at the crowds streaming down the streets "London" he said in disgust. "Jessica's still sleeping. Already did some sightseeing, got a couple of Lutherans admitted into a peep show, watched a couple of hobo fights, and cut a little girl's balloon string without her noticing. And it's not even 5:00 yet". He let out a long, loud exaggerated sigh. His voice echoed into the bell tower and in a split second, a whole flock of pigeons came flying out at once, squawking and screeching as they went to go find a new place to rest.

"Yea, well SQUAWK you too!"

_[You just screamed at some pigeons]_

"-And I won, motherfucker. When it comes to a couple of stupid feathered bird brains, Deadpool always wins"

_(but when it comes to a 126 pound quiet, introverted, slight-crazy-but-still-smokin-hot Columbian, you're about as lovesick as Peppe la Pew. B-t-dubs, take a shower already POOL-LA-PEW)_

"I keep telling you this is just my natural musk!" he insisted as he poured his burning hot coffee off the ledge and heard a man scream down below.

"And don't call it lovesick. You make me sound like a softy"

_(After what happened a couple of nights ago, you already are one)_

"I didn't give in"

_[But you sure weren't prepared]_

"Even if we did a team up with the 11th doctor and went to the future, I don't think any of us would have ever been prepared for that"

_(Still, you kinda did lose in the end. Face it buddy, she's kinda already started to put on the pants in this relationship)_

"**Not she hasn't.**" he said bluntly. "You're making this out to be more than what it is".

_(I'm just saying, you really want to find yourself in a BDSM face mask, or do you want to be the one that calls the shots?)_

"First of all, being in a latex face mask would not be the first time. Second of all, who's the one that got called to do this job?"

_[...you were]_

"-Who's the one that keeps her out of harm's way?"

_(...You are..sorta. Very half assed though)_

"Who's the one that made the first move?"

_[But that was-]_

"I mean after the date. Who's the one that confessed the next day?"

_[She did]_

"Exactly! I'm the one she always goes to. "He replied happily. "I've still got hand"

_[Tch. Yea, like barely]_

_(Who's the one that cooks?)_

_[who's the one that gets you out of shit you cause?]_

_(who's the one that saved your ass when we almost got caught in the bar when we were snooping around?)_

_..._

_.._

_._

_[Need I remind you about chapter 19?]_

_(Face it, you're losing hand AND you owe her big time)_

" I don't owe her anything!"

_(Not even a week and you've lost your backbone. You do realize there is a line behind you. That millionaire dude who looks like Christian Bale, that blonde surfer twat, her other little guy friend-)_

"So what do you suppose I do? You sound like you have all the fucking answers so tell me" he hissed as he stood up abruptly. Forgetting where he was, he took a few steps forward.

"...Wait.." he looked down and-

"Well, this is gonna hurt" he said before he plummeted 320 feet down. "FREEEE HUUUUGS!" He screamed to the crowds below him as he fell.

_[YEAH I'M FREEEE~!]_

_(FREE FALLIN!) _

Suddenly he heard a loud splat followed by a small pinch of excruciating pain shooting through whatever was left of his body. While people screamed and children cried as they saw the bloody lump of him lying on the ground, his healing factor was sewing up all the pieces of him together.

"Did my burrito make it?"

_[mmmno.]_

"Damn" he said as he saw bits of his smooshed breakfast lying not too far away from him. "You were my only friend, Mr. Burrito. I'll never forget you".He looked around him at all the people gathering to look at him and whistled to a red haired woman who was looking at him in horror

"Hey Amy, how's the doctor? Hey where are you going? Tch, fine. Scream and run away, that's real polite"

He glanced to the right and saw something that was going from a mushy congealed substance to his regular looking deteriorated, discoloured, hand. Once it was done healing, he closed and opened his hand a few times. Once his lower leg bone came locking in with his tibia bone, his femur came into place.

"The leg bone's connected to the-_hip bone_! The hip bone's connected to the-_spine bone_! Whoever made this song had- _too much time on their hands_!" he sang as he got up. Dusting himself off and waving to the paramedics that were rounding the corner to help him, he pushed his teleporter and bamf'd-

"Hey, can't do that. Marvel owns that word"

...Do they? Damn. Well okay, he _poofed_ out of there.

"I sound like a magician. One FABULOUS magician!" he said as he walked back to the hotel. "Seriously though, you should just spit it out. Tell me the answer oh great voices in my head or someone who has unlimited power!"

Coincidentally, the clouds parted and a mysterious holy light shone down a few feet away from him.

"...Um, s'cuse me, I'M OVER HERE"

_[I think it's telling you to go over there]_

He huffed and walked over underneath the light. He stood there, waiting for the big guy to show him the answer, but nothing happened.

_[*sigh* turn around]_

"_Every now and then I get a little bit lonely- _Oh Bonnie Tyler, you're my favorite 80's girl" he finished as he turned to his left. He looked through a window shop and burst out laughing at what he saw.

"You sure dude? There's like a 50/50 chance that it will work!" the mercenary said as he looked at the novel. The light shone brighter and he was nearly blinded by how bright it was. "Alright, alright, I get it. Well, I guess there is a reason why it sold over 90 million copies. I'm doing a lighter version of this cuz we're entering a new level of cray"

* * *

"Jessica, it's nearly 2:00 in the afternoon, you seriously cannot still be sleeping" he said as he walked into the apartment, not bothering to kick off his boots.

With the loud thumping of his feet hitting the ground, he went to the bedroom, whipped open the door and walked over to the bed. He ripped open the sheets and found she wasn't there anymore.

"I'm in the living room!" he heard her call out.

_[Alright, you ready?]_

"Yup. No pressure. Easy breezy lemon squeezy"he said as played over what he was going to do. It wasn't that complicated. There were no suave one liners to be said, everything depended on timing, and more importantly, his quick reflexes. He took a breath, cracked his neck and walked in. "The hunter becomes the hunted" he said as he pulled his mask up above his mouth.

"Hi, where were you?" she asked, still writing in her notebook. "I was starting to get a little worried, I was so close...u-um Wade? Hey," she glanced at him and when she saw the look in his eyes, she sensed something was off. He didn't do anything at first, just kept silent and walked over to her slowly. His white eyes and movements were cautious to her, almost calculating. She blinked and felt she needed to watch him for a few moments, to see what he was up to.

" W-what're you-_doing!?" _She squeaked as she was gripped by her shirt and pulled into his arms. Before she could push his face away, he forced his mouth on her. Her eyes stayed wide open, shocked by the sudden heat of his lips on hers.

Then it dawned on her. His sudden affection towards her, the rough yet mind melting kisses.

She knew what he was trying to do.

She played this card in the first round.

**and she would be damned if she let him have any hand in this. **

"No!" she muffled.

"Yes" he murmured before he slipped his tongue in her mouth.

"Yum," he said between kisses. "Tastes like candy...shouldn't be eating candy for breakfast hon. S'bad for your teeth"

"You-_mmph-_ taste like cilantro"

"Thanks"

Her growls turned into whimpers. The fists that pounded and pushed against him got weaker. She sighed and without consent her arms began to wrap around him.

"That's it" he mumbled between kisses.

Just when she felt like it was hopeless, the sound of her phone going off snapped her out of her trance and she immediately found the strength to pull away.

"**Don't you dare go for that phone"** He said darkly.

"...

...

...

Suck it up buttercup!" she said before running out of his embrace and dashing to the kitchen.

She ran as fast as she could and she could hear him running after her.

"Dammit Jessica!"

She saw her phone sitting on the table and with a quick swipe, she answered it and put it on speakerphone.

While she struggled with Deadpool who latched himself to her leg and refused to let go, she tried to level her voice and pretend like nothing was happening.

"H-hello?" she replied sweetly as she was being pulled to the ground.

"Love meeee" he said as his face was being smooshed away.

"Wade, do your little payback thing later, I'm on the phone!" she whispered to him as she was pinned to the ground.

"Nope! Sorry toots, this seems like a perfect time to get my revenge and I'm not-"

**"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE COMING HOME, YA DOUCHE!"**

Suddenly they both froze and looked at the phone.

"_Mari_?" Jessica pushed Deadpool off and crawled over to the phone.

_[Who's Mari?]_

"**Who do you think it is? Now answer the question**_"_

_"Well, it was going to be a surprise!" _Jessica replied weakly.

"**Y****ou didn't even tell mom or dad."**

_What is going on? Why is this happening? WHAT IS LIFE?_

_(I'm confused!)_

_['Mom'? 'Dad'? Is Mari her sister?]_

**"**Like I said IT'S A SURPRISE. Don't tell mom or dad! By the way, how did you find out?"

"Camilla told me."

"I told her to keep it a secret! Jeez you think since she was the oldest she would be more trustworthy" Jessica frowned as her hands stayed busy trying to push Deadpool away.

"Well, just a heads up, you're coming to the dance academy"

"Oh good. Well, I'm glad I got a say in this" she replied sarcastically

"Who're you with?"

Jessica turned to Deadpool and then said "...No one".

Deadpool frowned "**I resent that**"

"OH IT'S A GUY? Hold on a second!-Lorena! Adriana! C'mere, she has a guy with her!"

"No, he's- arrgh" she grumbled as Deadpool smirked at Jessica, who only responded with a glare.

After a whole 5 minutes of her sisters asking lots of questions about the two, and him responding with just as much enthusiasm and weirdness, she finally took the phone from him and tried to steer the conversation to a close.

"Oooookaay that's enough of that"

"Awww" both her sisters and Deadpool said in unison.

"Mari, I'll be there soon. Don't tell mom or dad, okay?"

"Fine, fine"

"Alright, I'll see you soon"

"..You guys should stay at our house" Adriana said

"They are going to stay at our house" Mari replied. "They'll have the 4th floor. _All to them seelves! "_

"N-no! We'll just-"Jessica nearly choked in embarrassment.

"**Don't worry Jess- you'll thank me later**" Mari said suggestively. "Alrighty then, I'm going to go now...don't wanna be interrupting whatever's going on there if you know what I mean**"**

**"{Shut up Mari!}" **

**"We'll see you soon bye!"**

They hung up and Jessica sighed in defeat.

"What's with that face? C'mon, turn that frown upside down!"

"Deadpool, you have no idea what you're in for"

He thought about it and finally replied "Lots of fun in the sun and baby oil?"

"My sisters are going to harass you. And me."

"Nice"

"No, not 'nice'. You know how big my family is?"

he shook his head.

"5 sisters. One brother. 2 parents. Plus me and you, that's _10 people living in a remotely small place_. My parents go ballistic- a good ballistic- when they hear that I'm not isolating myself from the male population, it doesn't help when my sisters echo the same things they do. Plus, I'm not sure about how you feel about this. Are you comfortable with meeting my family?"

He thought about it. There wasn't any doubt in his mind that if he were to show up on their doorstep, they were bound to put a few restraining orders on him (almost anybody that met him did). At the same time, he didn't want to be the cause for Jessica not being able to be at home.

So which is it? Risk being booted to the curb, or try and be the friendliest little 6 ft 2 boy scout of all the land?

_(I say go for it! It'll be fun!)_

"It's up to you. I won't be mad at whatever you choose"

(_Her sisters are offering the whole fourth floor to us)_

_[Just stay hidden-]_

_Psh, easy peesy!_

_[-And quiet.]_

_Shit._

"...We'll have the whole fourth floor right?"

She nodded.

He took a deep breath and said "Sure, I'll meet'im. Can't be _that_ bad right? I've done worst. Faced worst. Like that time when I played the scary maze game, or when I sold a dead bird to a blind kid. And then the blind kid beat me at chess"

_[or the fact that they still won't make my movie T.T ]_

"I'll be fine" he reassured her. "_I'll be fine...I'll be fine...I'll be fine_" he whispered to himself. Jessica shook her head in disbelief. He was still willing to go through with this, even if it was scaring the crap out of him. She kissed him on the cheek, happy about the amount of courage he was showing.

"Please don't do this on my account"

'No, I have to' he thought as he looked off into the distance dramatically. 'I'm no wuss. I'm trying to impress a girl. I'll get through this, no one calls Esteban Julio Ricardo Montoya Del Rosa Ramirez a wuss!'

She blinked and finally said "**You realize you said that out loud right**?"

"...Right, I knew that"

"I'm grateful that you're willing to do this"

He smirked. "_How grateful are you_?" he pulled her on top of his lap.

"You're kinda ruining the moment here" she responded, her voice still quiet but sweet.

"No, I'm not. You're happy, I'm happy, the moment's not gone" he said between kisses as his hands started wandering.

"You're doing this outta revenge right?" she muttered while she felt his hands slip through her pants.

"...meh, wanted to. Now it's for different reasons."

she grumbled in mild annoyance, but her heartbeat couldn't help but start to go faster under his touch.

"I was right about you. You're happy down here too!" he said as he briefly took his hand out and showed her the evidence that drenched his fingers. She squeaked and quickly looked away.

"Ah, ah, ah." he murmured as he slapped her bottom incredibly hard.

"AH!" she yelped.

"You gotta watch this. Keep watching" he ordered her. Slowly, she looked down and watched in embarrassment. She mewled in protest, not exactly wanting to look, but every time her eyes went somewhere else, his sudden slaps reminded her to keep her eyes focused. She clamped her hand over her mouth when he started pumping hard and fast.

"Wow, you're sensitive aren't ya sweetie pie?" he smiled as he felt her body start to shudder and heard her gasping. "There you go, just a few more.." he encouraged as she quietly sighed in pleasure.

_(Gettin hand again, high five man! Oh I rhymed! :D)_

_[No you didn't]_

By the feel of her body and the quiet mewls that became ragged and quick, he knew that she was close

_[As much as I'm enjoying this, there's someone outside watching]_

_"I know" _he said under his breath. Deadpool knew a lackey when he saw one. Just a small little pawn that were easily disposable, and better yet, were the little easter eggs filled with useful info about their boss.

"Look," she panted "I-I'm sorry I did that.. Apparently-_nnn!-_that wasn't the nicest thing to do to persuade you...I can't help it though- _ahhh!...t_he years of being in a brothel where your job is to be the dominant one, you kinda leave the place with that habit embedded into your- _miind!_" she panted harshly as another moan threatened to come out._  
_

"So?" he finally said. "I left Weapon X with the skills of a friggin awesome generatin' degenerate, but you don't see me going around and- oh wait..."

_(Idiot)_

_[Might wanna look in the mirror again buddy]_

"_My point exactly._" she sighed "_You just can't shake off old habits...I wont' stop trying to be the dominant one, and you won't-ahhn!_"

"Right..." he said, not exactly listening to her anymore. Deadpool's smile turned even bigger when the man realized he was being stared at, and started packing up to leave.

_[What a shitty lackey]_

_(Geez, they should cut that guy's pay for being caught)_

"_Wade...!" _she mewled.

"You realize you're losing this battle right?" he smiled

"I haven't cum yet" she breathed, still biting back the loud moans that wanted to come out.

"Your stubborn attitude just makes this process all the more enjoyable" he whispered to her as she tried to withstand the rolling waves of pleasure. "And I hate to break it to ya kiddo, but I'm not losing this battle. Soon as you accept this, you're gonna have to say goodbye to your little habit." he couldn't help but grin at what he was about to do next. "But for me though? Nope, not today." he pulled his hand away and started getting up.

"_H-hey, why are you...where are you going_-?" her nails stopped digging into his back and he nearly laughed when a quick flash of frustration ran across her features.

"Just stay here okay? I'll be back in a second. There's another one of im' followers again" he said as he sucked off the juices that were on his fingers. "Jeez that mysterious duo back in chapter 23 don't really know how to pick good lackeys do they? Every time they send one out to watch us they never return to them. Least, not in one piece" he smiled as he pulled out one of his katanas.

"...Can't they wait?"

"Ummmm, not really? Besides, you really want some stranger to watch you turn to a mushy puddle of love? Cuz I sure don't."

_[That's for our eyes only]_

_(Daayyum STRAIGHT)_

Before she could stop him, he turned and trotted to the window. "Besides, I'm doin' you a favour. Don't you wanna save whatever's left of your pride and prove to the readers that you aren't a push over?" with that said, he opened the window and jumped out, leaving her on the ground.

She was left there speechless, still trying to process what had just happened. Still on the tiled ground and staring at the window, she suddenly saw the mercenary run back into the room and before she could smush his face to keep him from getting any closer, he quickly grabbed the sides of her face and gave her a kiss.

"*MMMMMMMWAH!*" he said as he kissed her. A muffled squeal came from her as she tried to wriggle away from him.

"Just a souvenir for the road" He said before he gave her another kiss "*mwah!*"

_(Ooh, now do one for me!)_

" *mwah!*"

_[me too]_

"*Mwah!*"

Finally being released, she gasped for air.

"Okay, NOW I'm ready to kick some ass" he declared as he quickly hopped back out into the window. "Be back in a jiff, sweetums!" he smiled charmingly at her and disappeared again. Her mouth hung open in shock and her heart felt like it had turned to mush.

"That-_jerk_!" she hissed to herself. "What a-a…." Jessica trailed off.

She had never felt so dominated in her entire life. Sure, he was usually persistent, but this time...

He was so forceful, so masterful...so in control and confident.

It was that thought that she knew she had been isolated from men for _waaayy_ too long.

"I'm going crazy, aren't I?" she said quietly as she felt her cheeks burn up and her heart continue to pound. Not saying any more, she whimpered and slowly got up, trudging out of the kitchen.

* * *

**_Author's Notes: hmmmm, should I keep writing? I feel like the more I read about Shiklah and Deadpool it just gets even more weirder for me and my story..._**

**_I'm really tryin not to be discouraged people, but it's a bit weird for me to write this and meanwhile he's in the process of being with someone else. _**

**_Hm._**

**_*Sigh*_**

**_Actually, fuck it. I'm not leaving this damn thing. Imma keep writing :)_**


End file.
